What Goes Down. Must Come Back Up!

Adventure #69 Don't Drink The Tequila!

When I say that I cannot make this shit up.... PEOPLE I mean It! Over the last few months, I have dated a bunch of donuts. I said to myself.. get back out there...live again and try on a few for size. Well, being on a pretty low fat diet, I once again should have listen to my old, love handles. They used to be pretty spot on about everything. My old instincts were high and my "guydar" was an exact match! After an extended period of drought (fill in the blanks), I chugged back some questionable tequila without hesitation. If you have read one of my most popular posts "Mr. Tequila" Adventure #59 My Live-In Cock Blocker, you would have first met "Mr. Tequila!" I don't need to go there; we all know what happened. But what is so funny is what happens next. Yep... Lets Just list what I was told.

(SPOKEN LIKE A LOSER)

1. Yo. I'M moving to Colorado.

2. Babe. I'M gonna make some killer money.

3. Hey. Its the Family Business.

4. Check It. I Will Back In December.

5. Yo. I wanna Take you Somewhere Tropical.

Here is What I Was Telling Myself.

1. I'M Not Into You!

2. I Don't Care.

3. Have Fun. Good Luck.

4. OK. Whatever.

5. I will Believe it when I get my Plane Ticket.

So weeks and weeks went by. I have lived my life and really not thought about "Mr. Colorado" too much. Until... DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! (drum roll please)?

A close friend called and told me her new boy got some important information....

 (Spoken like a cliche Black Girl)  GIRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLL U GOTTTTAAA HEEEEEEAAAAAAARRRRRR ABOUT THIS SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIITTT!!!!???

SO I listened. "I heard!" I let my fingers do the research and discovered "Mr. Colorado" instead of being a ton of States away, was actually less then a mile from my house. And homeboy wasn't chilling in Sarasota on the beach... homeboy was cuddled up next to "Bruce" another fellow Sarasota County Inmate!!!! "Mr. Tequila" was as dry as ever and is now living behind bars without bond until Dec. 2012! There Was No Colorado. No Job. No Money. No Plane Ticket. No Ride. Just Lies. I guess If I was actually into him... it would hurt more. I am more pissed that I was completely lied too. I can't believe it took me over a month in this town to find out! It would give me great pleasure to show you his picture but something tells me I would loose my blog because of that. I guess we are back to where It started... YOU CANT LOOSE SOMETHING YOU NEVER KNEW WAS EVEN MISSING! 

*** for all my friends here's the link... you know the name.

PS Brutus is So Pissed He Has No Comment!

http://www.sarasotasheriff.org/InmateChargeReport.asp#PageCenter

My Sweet Heart

Adventure #68 I've Been Trying To Do It Right!

Had the perfect weekend with my Brutus Beefcake. Its Sunday Night, he is asleep at my tanned toes. I know this because he is snoring and I can feel his hot breath at my feet. He is still tired from his Saturday night of bar hopping with my best friends. Didn't know he was also an avid shuffle board player? I didn't know that Margarita Pizza crust made farts that smell like a dead grandma left out in the Florida heat in her rocking chair? Didn't know that after 5 hrs. this dog still had the energy to conquer a full size keg and make it his bitch/bar stool? Didn't know a lot of things until this weekend. Didn't know you could be thinking about somebody you just started hanging out with?  I spent the evening summing up some stories with a friend, downloaded some new itunes and watch a little baseball. Nothing is really new. No News is good news.. correct?  With that and keeping our toes crossed... I leave you with a new added song... Video Below To Follow!

"Ho Hey" By The Lumineers

(Ho!) I've been trying to do it right
(Hey!) I've been living a lonely life
(Ho!) I've been sleeping here instead
(Hey!)I've been sleeping in my bed,
(Ho!) I've been sleeping in my bed (Hey!)

(Ho!) So show me family
(Hey!) All the blood that I would bleed
(Ho!) I don't know where I belong
(Hey!) I don't know where I went wrong
(Ho!) But I can write a song (Hey!)

1,2,3 I belong with you, you belong with me you're my sweetheart
I belong with you, you belong with me you're my sweet (Ho!)

(ho!) I don't think you're right for him
(hey!) Look at what it might have been if you
(ho!) Took the bus to china town
(hey!) I've been standing on Canal
(ho!) And Bowery (hey!)
(ho!) And she'd be standing next to me (hey!)

1,2,3 I belong with you you belong with me you're my sweet heart
I belong with you, you belong with me you're my sweet heart

And love we need is now
Let's hope for some
Cause oh, we're bleeding out

I belong with you you belong with me you're my sweet heart
I belong with you you belong with me you're my sweet (Ho!)

The Lumineers - Ho Hey (Official Video)

Sleep Patterns

Adventure #67 Finding The Right Side Of The Bed...

I think its overrated. His Side, My Side, Our Side and Hairy Side... Most couples have their side of the bed.. we as humans like formality, we like things just the way they should be. Have you ever went into a meeting, taken a mini break and even though you did not leave anything in your seat, you return once again back to the same spot? Well, the same goes for beds too. I used to think the guy should sleep closest to the door... why you ask? Because if a robber, a bulldog or the monster under the bed comes raging at you in the middle of night, the guy should be there to serve and protect you... right? The Same goes for walking down a sidewalk. I was taught by my Grandpa that men walk on the outside, closest to the cars... and "boys who hesitate to do so are worth risking your own life and running to the other side of the street!" ANYONE OUT THERE THINK THIS IS TRUE??? Well.. back to Beds. My bed, no matter how many times I wash the sheets or scrub Brutus's Smelly Toys: NEVER feels clean! Currently in my bed I have: a Black Berry, 7 pillows, 170000 dOg hairs, slobber, A DIRTY KIDS CUBS TSHIRT, one doggy baseball, one turtle humping toy (for Bru), the book 50 Shades of Gray, a Mac Lap Top, a 65 pound Snoring English Bulldog and well oh yeah me.... Its 2 AM.. I will be up in 5 hours and I am wanting to reach for the phone, a glass of wine or my semi-soft porn book! I have lost the idea of caring what side of the bed is the right side... how bout the fact that I would settle for the bottom, the top, the left or the floor at this point! My dog has literally interrupted my make out life and has now interrupted my sleep. Though, I am thinking there is no correct side of bed.... I would just like to be a participant in someones! HEE HEE!!!!

 GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE..... sleep tight. Love this song so much!!! CHECK IT OUT BELOW!

>>>>>>>>  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kiQppszlXrg&feature=related

Bermuda Triangle

Adventure #66 Easy Breezy Blvd?

Brutus is really good at telling me what he wants in little ways without speaking. He licks my feet when I get back from running, I think that means he misses Mommy. He Sits by the front door when he wants to hit up Legends Pub for some suds and hes been known to actually paw at his bowl when hes hungry.  But what does he do when he gets mad at me? Well nothing. He never gets mad. He loves his life and I am pretty sure hes got it good. Its Just his Mommy lately that has it all wrong.  Went to His Old Daddy's new Bar the other day and I was literally standing in a Bermuda Triangle of Failed Past "Relationships." To My Right, There was the main one who I knew I would see and I'm cool with that. No worries doesn't even phase me. And then to my left was that grey haired guy that ineverwantedhimtocallmeagainbutthenhedidntcallmeagainandiwaslikewtfiswrongwithmewheniwasntevenintohim.com anyone else know that site? Its a busy site for thirty some singles. Well, anyway it was weird. Like Really Weird. So standing directly in front of me was my mouth in a way I haven't seen ever. See, I drank the night before as well.. and instead of shutting my mouth, I let it run free down Highway of What Are We? And What is This? I should I have traveled down Easy Breezy Blvd. instead of asking questions to answers that I don't really care to know about right now...
FML AVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I guzzled down a few Miller Lights, showed face, kissed babies and proceeded on ward down the street. The only thing is I couldn't really enjoy myself at a Luau Party of all Places because I was Dwelling on Worry Lane. Worrying is the Worst! I was talking to a regular customer at my work tonight and he proceeded to tell me that boys are easy, they are pretty black and white. If you cant tell it less then 8 words... DON'T! Easy, Breezy and to the point! Simple, Plain and Short. (Kinda like The grey haired guys personality!) HA HA. So, I did and I have decided to Listen to Brutus... Keep it Light. Keep it Simple. Don't Get Mad and Not enjoy Life. I do have it good... Now If I can just learn my lesson and SHUTMYFINGMOUTH.edu

Wish This Song Said: Shut Your Mouth but It Will Do For Tonight!

And when the worrying starts to hurt
and the world feels like graves of dirt
Just close your eyes until
you can imagine this place, yeah, our secret space at will

Snow Patrol- Shut your Eyes

Do I Need A Rescue?

Adventure # 65 Mapping Out A New Path

2 Years. 2 Months and Countless Glasses of Wine. It officially feels like Summer and I am officially still single. Its hot and so are the locals.  I finished a book at the dog park yesterday with My Boyfriend Brutus and between licks, sweat and my last chapter... "Finally Over Him.". I realized I am. I am covered in kisses and they are not just from Brutus anymore and I cant believe that it took me two years to finish this book. (ha ha) I have enclosed a link to this once embarrassing purchase from Barnes and Noble for any people out there searching through there own messes: "The Ultimate Survival Guide to getting Revenge and Finally Getting Over What's His Name!" The last Chapter is my favorite and now that I have become advocate for forgetting about what's his name, I was able to shake my girlfriend last night of her own worries. The Chapter is Titled:  Have No Fear 

"Don't let your fears cripple you. Most of the time what we fear never comes to pass. Many times our fears are exaggerated. The more we worry, the bigger and the worse the fear or hurdle seems."

See. It Took Me a Freaking Long Time To Get Here. I once had a plan, a sketch a someone and that someone just stopped trying. I was pissed. I was Confused. I am officially letting it go. This book made me realize that there is a chance that as lame as it is... "There Are Other fish in the Sea!" 6 months ago... I would never wanted to go back into the water and I most certainly wasn't ready to fish again. Funny enough... letting go and letting myself back in; I realized instead of sweating about what's his name I will sweat it out with someone else. What's even funnier is that there is a chance I could even get an upgrade!

If I could say anything to my friend that is covered in mental sludge from her own what's his name... I would say: Make a list of the things that you disliked or annoyed you about your ex. This will help stop you idolizing him. And this is the best part!!! Here are three of mine and this should help!

1. I hate that You kiss like a wet noodle... I could barely feel your lips.

2. I hate that you put ketchup on my four hour dinner I just made.

3. I hate that you think wearing sweat pants is appropriate on a dinner date. ---------

ahhhhhhhh Now That feels Nice... Yep.... I am back in the water and waiting to be rescued. 

PS Check Out This Song.... It's Brutus's New Fav!!!

The Naked And Famous - Young Blood

Destination Unknown

Adventure #64 Do You Know The Way To Mystery Island?

Yep. It's Wedding season. And with that added stress of finding a date and buying that perfect dress it's finally coming to a close.  The dress = Perfect. The Shoes = more then perfect. And my date? Well you can never go wrong with your best guy friend... Jimmy! I guess we did the normal date thing you can say... I picked out "his outfit" and he brought my 60 pound slobbering bulldog to the doggy hotel for me. You could say it was an even trade. We danced and got a little merry... however, the only problem I have been running into is: people aka "guys" thinking that "Jimmy" is actually my date. Dude, he's like my protective big brother that I could never you-know-what-with... and I am more then sure that his lack-of-feeling is mutual! So, there I am after a few chardonnays having to explain myself to friends, family member's and possible prospects that "Jimmy" is just a friend! I begin to have a conversation with my girl about moving forward and finally not stressing about Mystery Island anymore... What is Mystery Island you might ask? Well, Mystery Island Really Exists! See, Its a place where those great first dates and great conversations lead into a kiss, that lead into a real date, that lead into them floating away on a cloud to Mystery Island! What's the address you might ask? Well, I am a girl and girls actually will never receive the actual address! They are all there together... X boyfriends, great first kissers and the date that should have ended after dinner and not three hours later! They don't have phones or email and they certainly don't have Face Book! They love the line... "Can't Wait to See You Again!" or "Call Ya Later Babe!" But they never seem to lock in a time or a destination for the second date! At first, I was beginning to think it was just me but talking with other girlfriends, they have all been left on the runway of the plane headed for Mystery Island... with no E.T.A. home! I'll be honest, in the last two months I have been stranded with no answers from three guys... and since they don't have computers I can legally list there first names: Daniel, Jason and Tim. If any of my boys make it to that Island one day, I would like to pass on a message to them.... Guess what? I really wasn't that interested! One of you had grey hair, one was way to right wing and one was two years away from retirement... ouch! I would have never taken you to my best friends wedding and unless Jimmy or Brutus approves you were never worth that second date! See, it is nice having that wing man.. It is a smart idea to get others opinions. One Lick is good. Two Slobbers is Great!