Bru's Top Ten

Adventure #71 Rules To Live By

Brutus is sitting here and doesn't understand why I look so confused? So, being a "guy" and a "fixer" its time to just make everything clear, he has given me two lists to live by. One For Girls and One For Boys. Everything will be decided now based on these lists. If the girl doesn't fit into this list? Get Rid of her and quickly. (same goes for the boys.) Here Goes. Thanks Brutus!

Boys: Red Flags, Warning Signs and Gut Instincts 

1. Dont Let Her Talk Down To You... Ever.

2. Make Sure She Takes Care of Herself... Who Wants To Kiss a Girl That barely shaves, doesn't brush her teeth or never works out?

3. Make Sure She Says Thank You. Even Its Something Small. She can Never say it enough.

4. Cross Your Fingers She Is A Giver. (in all ways.)

5. She has to know how to make the perfect 20 minute dinner. After a long day, do u really wanna do anything? A Comfort Filled Dinner and a Little Sports Center Never hurt anyone!

6. Make sure she is not cheering for your team, or drinking your drink just cause you do. The Girl at this point should already know who she is. If you cant tell.. go through her closet.  If She has a Ohio State Sweatshirt, a pair of Gators Boxers, a Yankees Hat and a Red Sox's Thong.... Most Likely This Girl Doesn't Have a clue!

7. She Must Love Animals

8. Never, Ever Does She Pee In front of you!

9. She Doesn't go through your drawers, emails, Facebook or mobile! EVER!

10. Out in Public You Have NO Worry That She is Not With YOU! 

Girls: Red Flags, Warning Signs and Gut Instincts 

1. He Opens Car Doors.

2. He Listens.

3. He Offers Up His last Bite.

4. He Helps You off The couch, onto a boat and Into The Car.

5. He Must Love Animals.

6. He wants To find an answer when there is an arguement. Real Couples and Real Adults Find a Resolution and Want To Make Things Right!

7. He Likes to teach you things and doesn't get frustrated when you don't

do that well. Come on there is nothing Hotter then seeing his face when you do throw that perfect spiral!

8. He Likes Your Girlie panties, heartbreak movies and fluffy blanket. You even caught him singing on  your ipod, playlist titled: My Pinkie PMS Playlist.

9. He's not a baby. He's not a Girl. He's confident and manly. He knows who he is and he is not scared to Show It All to You!

10. Out in Public You Have NO Worry That HE is Not With YOU! 

The last few weeks have been a ferris wheel of emotions. I am putting them all to rest and remembering there are plenty of other rides and I Gotta a lot more tickets!

* song..... Call It What You Want! check it out below!

Yeah we're locked up in ideas 
We like to label everything 
Well I'm just gonna do here what I gotta do here 
'Cause I gotta keep myself free 
You're ducking and moving just to hide your bruises from all your enemies 
And I'm in the crossfire dodging bullets from your expectancies 

We've got nothing to lose 
You better run and hide 
Yeah you've crossed the line 
I've got a knife behind my back (just sayin') 
We've got nothing to prove 
Your social guides give you swollen eyes 
But what I've got can't be bought so you can just....

Call It What You Want - Foster The People

See-Saw?

Adventure #70 Finding My Own Wonderland.

Crystal skies, beautiful beaches, suntanned lines and sunsets. Yep. That's where I used to live... four days ago. Tropical Storm Debby with a "Y" has entered our Florida beaches and the Florida Local's patience. Even though he is English, Brutus is local and hating life! He is curled up currently on his Cubs blanket anticipating the Cubbies next big one in a row and his next trip to the playground? The streets are flooded and them as well as me are over pouring. Why has my patience grown so thin?

Got The courage to brave the entire three block walk with the Bru this afternoon. What the Hell is with Dogs refusing to poop when it's raining? Well, when the rain turned into downpour and each sniff turned into my umbrella flipping inside out and my vision of my after-work Miller Light was now as far away as my next "real relationship!" Flipping into a conversation with my friend Court and I today... Have ya ever ever heard of John Mayer? Yeah he's a little old school but this guy has got it all right! Have you ever heard of a late afternoon visual fantasy to pass the time? OK well here goes... (picture this): A clean, crisp all white modern bedroom. Its Raining T.S. Debby Style and the windows are opened and blowing your perfect crispy, white, see-through curtains all over your room. Then, the breeze slowly opens up John Mayer's completely ironed, button up, but buttoned down white shirt. His fingers play softly and all he is thinking about is YOU! The music is completely intoxicating and somehow even as a girl, you are able to SHUT UP and TAKE IT ALL IN! You don't have to question anything, J. Mayer is in your bedroom and somehow is giving you all the right answers. For Some reason, you actually believe that "Your Body Is a Wonderland." And just as you are about to strum your own cord you quickly open your eyes and realize he is not "Standing in Your Atmosphere!" He's an actual Guy. The fantasy doesn't exist. You have officially entered the playground of life and You're on the See-Saw. He's Up. Your Down. Somehow you can never just balance it all out. It's Raining and you decide to leave the playground again. Your Awakened self realizes it's time to just step over the puddle, carry on but watch your step cause the Your Dog Finally Took A Poo!
Check Out This Oldie Song.....It pretty Much Sums it Up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSEYOpI985s&feature=related

What Goes Down. Must Come Back Up!

Adventure #69 Don't Drink The Tequila!

When I say that I cannot make this shit up.... PEOPLE I mean It! Over the last few months, I have dated a bunch of donuts. I said to myself.. get back out there...live again and try on a few for size. Well, being on a pretty low fat diet, I once again should have listen to my old, love handles. They used to be pretty spot on about everything. My old instincts were high and my "guydar" was an exact match! After an extended period of drought (fill in the blanks), I chugged back some questionable tequila without hesitation. If you have read one of my most popular posts "Mr. Tequila" Adventure #59 My Live-In Cock Blocker, you would have first met "Mr. Tequila!" I don't need to go there; we all know what happened. But what is so funny is what happens next. Yep... Lets Just list what I was told.

(SPOKEN LIKE A LOSER)

1. Yo. I'M moving to Colorado.

2. Babe. I'M gonna make some killer money.

3. Hey. Its the Family Business.

4. Check It. I Will Back In December.

5. Yo. I wanna Take you Somewhere Tropical.

Here is What I Was Telling Myself.

1. I'M Not Into You!

2. I Don't Care.

3. Have Fun. Good Luck.

4. OK. Whatever.

5. I will Believe it when I get my Plane Ticket.

So weeks and weeks went by. I have lived my life and really not thought about "Mr. Colorado" too much. Until... DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! (drum roll please)?

A close friend called and told me her new boy got some important information....

 (Spoken like a cliche Black Girl)  GIRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLL U GOTTTTAAA HEEEEEEAAAAAAARRRRRR ABOUT THIS SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIITTT!!!!???

SO I listened. "I heard!" I let my fingers do the research and discovered "Mr. Colorado" instead of being a ton of States away, was actually less then a mile from my house. And homeboy wasn't chilling in Sarasota on the beach... homeboy was cuddled up next to "Bruce" another fellow Sarasota County Inmate!!!! "Mr. Tequila" was as dry as ever and is now living behind bars without bond until Dec. 2012! There Was No Colorado. No Job. No Money. No Plane Ticket. No Ride. Just Lies. I guess If I was actually into him... it would hurt more. I am more pissed that I was completely lied too. I can't believe it took me over a month in this town to find out! It would give me great pleasure to show you his picture but something tells me I would loose my blog because of that. I guess we are back to where It started... YOU CANT LOOSE SOMETHING YOU NEVER KNEW WAS EVEN MISSING! 

*** for all my friends here's the link... you know the name.

PS Brutus is So Pissed He Has No Comment!

http://www.sarasotasheriff.org/InmateChargeReport.asp#PageCenter

My Sweet Heart

Adventure #68 I've Been Trying To Do It Right!

Had the perfect weekend with my Brutus Beefcake. Its Sunday Night, he is asleep at my tanned toes. I know this because he is snoring and I can feel his hot breath at my feet. He is still tired from his Saturday night of bar hopping with my best friends. Didn't know he was also an avid shuffle board player? I didn't know that Margarita Pizza crust made farts that smell like a dead grandma left out in the Florida heat in her rocking chair? Didn't know that after 5 hrs. this dog still had the energy to conquer a full size keg and make it his bitch/bar stool? Didn't know a lot of things until this weekend. Didn't know you could be thinking about somebody you just started hanging out with?  I spent the evening summing up some stories with a friend, downloaded some new itunes and watch a little baseball. Nothing is really new. No News is good news.. correct?  With that and keeping our toes crossed... I leave you with a new added song... Video Below To Follow!

"Ho Hey" By The Lumineers

(Ho!) I've been trying to do it right
(Hey!) I've been living a lonely life
(Ho!) I've been sleeping here instead
(Hey!)I've been sleeping in my bed,
(Ho!) I've been sleeping in my bed (Hey!)

(Ho!) So show me family
(Hey!) All the blood that I would bleed
(Ho!) I don't know where I belong
(Hey!) I don't know where I went wrong
(Ho!) But I can write a song (Hey!)

1,2,3 I belong with you, you belong with me you're my sweetheart
I belong with you, you belong with me you're my sweet (Ho!)

(ho!) I don't think you're right for him
(hey!) Look at what it might have been if you
(ho!) Took the bus to china town
(hey!) I've been standing on Canal
(ho!) And Bowery (hey!)
(ho!) And she'd be standing next to me (hey!)

1,2,3 I belong with you you belong with me you're my sweet heart
I belong with you, you belong with me you're my sweet heart

And love we need is now
Let's hope for some
Cause oh, we're bleeding out

I belong with you you belong with me you're my sweet heart
I belong with you you belong with me you're my sweet (Ho!)

The Lumineers - Ho Hey (Official Video)

Sleep Patterns

Adventure #67 Finding The Right Side Of The Bed...

I think its overrated. His Side, My Side, Our Side and Hairy Side... Most couples have their side of the bed.. we as humans like formality, we like things just the way they should be. Have you ever went into a meeting, taken a mini break and even though you did not leave anything in your seat, you return once again back to the same spot? Well, the same goes for beds too. I used to think the guy should sleep closest to the door... why you ask? Because if a robber, a bulldog or the monster under the bed comes raging at you in the middle of night, the guy should be there to serve and protect you... right? The Same goes for walking down a sidewalk. I was taught by my Grandpa that men walk on the outside, closest to the cars... and "boys who hesitate to do so are worth risking your own life and running to the other side of the street!" ANYONE OUT THERE THINK THIS IS TRUE??? Well.. back to Beds. My bed, no matter how many times I wash the sheets or scrub Brutus's Smelly Toys: NEVER feels clean! Currently in my bed I have: a Black Berry, 7 pillows, 170000 dOg hairs, slobber, A DIRTY KIDS CUBS TSHIRT, one doggy baseball, one turtle humping toy (for Bru), the book 50 Shades of Gray, a Mac Lap Top, a 65 pound Snoring English Bulldog and well oh yeah me.... Its 2 AM.. I will be up in 5 hours and I am wanting to reach for the phone, a glass of wine or my semi-soft porn book! I have lost the idea of caring what side of the bed is the right side... how bout the fact that I would settle for the bottom, the top, the left or the floor at this point! My dog has literally interrupted my make out life and has now interrupted my sleep. Though, I am thinking there is no correct side of bed.... I would just like to be a participant in someones! HEE HEE!!!!

 GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE..... sleep tight. Love this song so much!!! CHECK IT OUT BELOW!

>>>>>>>>  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kiQppszlXrg&feature=related

Bermuda Triangle

Adventure #66 Easy Breezy Blvd?

Brutus is really good at telling me what he wants in little ways without speaking. He licks my feet when I get back from running, I think that means he misses Mommy. He Sits by the front door when he wants to hit up Legends Pub for some suds and hes been known to actually paw at his bowl when hes hungry.  But what does he do when he gets mad at me? Well nothing. He never gets mad. He loves his life and I am pretty sure hes got it good. Its Just his Mommy lately that has it all wrong.  Went to His Old Daddy's new Bar the other day and I was literally standing in a Bermuda Triangle of Failed Past "Relationships." To My Right, There was the main one who I knew I would see and I'm cool with that. No worries doesn't even phase me. And then to my left was that grey haired guy that ineverwantedhimtocallmeagainbutthenhedidntcallmeagainandiwaslikewtfiswrongwithmewheniwasntevenintohim.com anyone else know that site? Its a busy site for thirty some singles. Well, anyway it was weird. Like Really Weird. So standing directly in front of me was my mouth in a way I haven't seen ever. See, I drank the night before as well.. and instead of shutting my mouth, I let it run free down Highway of What Are We? And What is This? I should I have traveled down Easy Breezy Blvd. instead of asking questions to answers that I don't really care to know about right now...
FML AVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I guzzled down a few Miller Lights, showed face, kissed babies and proceeded on ward down the street. The only thing is I couldn't really enjoy myself at a Luau Party of all Places because I was Dwelling on Worry Lane. Worrying is the Worst! I was talking to a regular customer at my work tonight and he proceeded to tell me that boys are easy, they are pretty black and white. If you cant tell it less then 8 words... DON'T! Easy, Breezy and to the point! Simple, Plain and Short. (Kinda like The grey haired guys personality!) HA HA. So, I did and I have decided to Listen to Brutus... Keep it Light. Keep it Simple. Don't Get Mad and Not enjoy Life. I do have it good... Now If I can just learn my lesson and SHUTMYFINGMOUTH.edu

Wish This Song Said: Shut Your Mouth but It Will Do For Tonight!

And when the worrying starts to hurt
and the world feels like graves of dirt
Just close your eyes until
you can imagine this place, yeah, our secret space at will

Snow Patrol- Shut your Eyes