If You Lived Here. You Would Be Annoyed By Now!

Adventure #74 Extra Baggage?

>>>>>>>>>For Rent! Two Bed, One Bath, Old Florida Style House! Enjoy this and more with echo-filled walls and a non-draining bath tub!  Immediate Special Move In Rate! In Search of New tenant that will aid help and relief from English Bulldog!<<<<<<


 The person that lives here is on the brink of a plummeting off the Sunshine Sky Way Bridge if shit doesn't get in check! Being Single for as long as I Have, you develop some patterns that seem to go unnoticed when living by yourself. However, when someone new enters your comfortable surroundings things find a way of getting very aggravating. Picture A Long Day At Work followed by An Amazing Fajita Filled Dinner and a Movie on a Friends Couch. The New Prospect is Cuddled up around you and your belly and your attitude about things are finally complete. Though, between sips of my wine and the cute smiles from the new guy, you hear tiny shreds of glass breaking through the lanai. It's a burden and annoying. It resembles a screeching baby on an airplane, when not one part of you is Maternal. Or a Jitter Caffeine Filled Kid in line at the grocery store. YOUR HUNGOVER and  the kid is running into the magazine rack and with his gummy filled finger tips is TOUCHING EVERYTHING! Including Your Cart! And Then There is Worse. There is Brutus. After Just twenty minutes of the movie, we head home into what should be a relaxing downplay of the night. This quickly turns into a terror of getting up and out of bed multiple times to organize a new strategy of calming the beast. I tried the crate with a bone, I tried the bathroom with a blanket, I tried the leashed tied to the table with the water, blanket and a toy. And then we (mine to date favorite maneuver) of relocating my dresser wedged as a barrier to the entrance of my bedroom. The beast is stirring, and between slams and whines underneath the bedroom door crack, the new guy makes known that now we are the ones locked up. We are caged in my own house, and getting a drink of water seems like a task for the Marine core! Things finally calm down in about an hour and lets just say my patience isn't the only thing being put to rest tonight. The New Guy Is More Irritated then I can imagine and I am just taking in the irony of the whole thing.  Brutus Imagined it was always just gonna be me and him.... If I Don't get this crap picked up, he just might be right!

Run Away Egg Sand Which

Adventure #73 A Breakfast Of Champions?

Just finished the weekend with my best of friends, cocktails, keg stands and a shark watermelon. A month ago, I envision this weekend umm just slightly different. How so? Well, I never conceived making breakfast for "a sorta, kinda x," and "a fun easy breezy new guy." Yep, Picture this: Freshly showered and reclaiming our stubble steps from the night before;  a slightly tired birthday boy comes rolling up into the kitchen. Me, being the nice "let's take the high road" invited him into a breakfast sandwich and some slight awkwardness. There sits the shirtless new guy and the hairy surfer dude side-by-side. I am crouched behind the fridge as I lock eyes with my best friend and realize HOLY CRAP WE ARE ACTUALLY DOING THIS!?? If neither of them realized who each other was.. I guess we are in luck.. But how could at least one of them not? Tracing my steps from the night before of hand-holding, soft kisses and some ass grabbing... the hairy one is absolutely stoned and clueless to the fact that I did exactly what I said I was gonna do. "I'm Moving On!" So, I played nice and crept a steep mountain of amenity, smiled and moved forward. Guys are different. They don't talk shit about each other shoes, outfits or hairstyles. For all I know, neither of them was even thinking about me! Though, if I were to ever my own restaurant one day, I would call this menu item: 1 egg with a side of X. I don't know how many of you have seen Sex in the City? But I will refer to one episode when Miranda is glowing about her new relationship with the handsome Doctor Robert. She feels a little guilty that Steve is still a bit of a bum and single. The girls are all at breakfast, when Samantha says very pointedly: "YOU WON!" Minus the Sex and the Bloody Tampon Nose, I guess that solves the problem how they are all gonna meet! I now can check that off my list! If its not a competition... then we can just call it:
NO CONTEST!

 >>>>>>CHECK OUT THE SEX IN THE CITY SCENE LINK BELOW<<<<<<<<

Sex and the City: Miranda & Robert/Steve Season 6

Wide Awake Wake Up Call

Adventure # 72 Just One Of Them Days...

Letting Go Is Something I am certainly not known for and A lot can happen in a week. A lot can happen in 5 mins. Over the last few days, I have discovered that nothing is certain. Instead of complaining about the vices, miss steps and poop piles.... I am just gonna breathe. It took me a long time to let everything go, accept what cards I was dealt and picked up the pieces. Bru has been a true happiness in my life and I really can't take anything back... I think its best sometimes to just go with the flow and STOP ANALYZING EVERYTHING! A friend a long time ago told me never let anyone live in your head Rent Free! I love that saying, but hardly ever obey by it. I went out on The 4th Of July Very apprehensive as to what to expect. Some people (mostly couples) would argue with me that 4th of July is Not a "Couple Kind of Holiday." Sorry, but I beg to differ. Name one Holiday that really isn't? Here is what I pictured: 3 sets of couples, all holding hands, the famous ahh lets lean on my boyfriend's chest and take in all the oooohhhhhsss and ahhhhhhhhhhhhs. Then there's me and my wet, anxious meat muscle adorned with glow sticks, some Miller Lights and the feeling of vulnerability, that comes from a mid summer wish that just didn't happen.  And Here's What Happened: Noticed a Guy's Back Of All Things, smiled and went on my merry way. Ended up running into his back a few bars down the road and proceeded to flirt my freaking face off in hopes of finding my own little firecracker! LOL Well.. Something Clicked so We Proceeded On Our Own Little Adventure for the next 36 hours. Countless Smiles, Bars, Friends, Exercise Challenges, Sushi Rolls and Crazy Scenarios came about in the following days... One Being Kicked out of a Popular Pool in Town, breaking a glass window to get into my house, a complete Brutus Dominance Challenge and Yelling at 2 Pig Face Rent-A-Cops where just a few highlights of the weekend. Though for some reason, even with all this crazy chaos... we were both able to even each other out! For Some reason, I am actually just going with it. Not Gonna Analyze, not gonna Question and I am gonna be quiet... Hell I Shouldn't Even Being Bloging about This??? Copy, Paste, Print, Delete or Save For Later?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>song below is totally an inside joke<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
                                                               so classic!

Don't take it personal(just one of them days)-Monica

Bru's Top Ten

Adventure #71 Rules To Live By

Brutus is sitting here and doesn't understand why I look so confused? So, being a "guy" and a "fixer" its time to just make everything clear, he has given me two lists to live by. One For Girls and One For Boys. Everything will be decided now based on these lists. If the girl doesn't fit into this list? Get Rid of her and quickly. (same goes for the boys.) Here Goes. Thanks Brutus!

Boys: Red Flags, Warning Signs and Gut Instincts 

1. Dont Let Her Talk Down To You... Ever.

2. Make Sure She Takes Care of Herself... Who Wants To Kiss a Girl That barely shaves, doesn't brush her teeth or never works out?

3. Make Sure She Says Thank You. Even Its Something Small. She can Never say it enough.

4. Cross Your Fingers She Is A Giver. (in all ways.)

5. She has to know how to make the perfect 20 minute dinner. After a long day, do u really wanna do anything? A Comfort Filled Dinner and a Little Sports Center Never hurt anyone!

6. Make sure she is not cheering for your team, or drinking your drink just cause you do. The Girl at this point should already know who she is. If you cant tell.. go through her closet.  If She has a Ohio State Sweatshirt, a pair of Gators Boxers, a Yankees Hat and a Red Sox's Thong.... Most Likely This Girl Doesn't Have a clue!

7. She Must Love Animals

8. Never, Ever Does She Pee In front of you!

9. She Doesn't go through your drawers, emails, Facebook or mobile! EVER!

10. Out in Public You Have NO Worry That She is Not With YOU! 

Girls: Red Flags, Warning Signs and Gut Instincts 

1. He Opens Car Doors.

2. He Listens.

3. He Offers Up His last Bite.

4. He Helps You off The couch, onto a boat and Into The Car.

5. He Must Love Animals.

6. He wants To find an answer when there is an arguement. Real Couples and Real Adults Find a Resolution and Want To Make Things Right!

7. He Likes to teach you things and doesn't get frustrated when you don't

do that well. Come on there is nothing Hotter then seeing his face when you do throw that perfect spiral!

8. He Likes Your Girlie panties, heartbreak movies and fluffy blanket. You even caught him singing on  your ipod, playlist titled: My Pinkie PMS Playlist.

9. He's not a baby. He's not a Girl. He's confident and manly. He knows who he is and he is not scared to Show It All to You!

10. Out in Public You Have NO Worry That HE is Not With YOU! 

The last few weeks have been a ferris wheel of emotions. I am putting them all to rest and remembering there are plenty of other rides and I Gotta a lot more tickets!

* song..... Call It What You Want! check it out below!

Yeah we're locked up in ideas 
We like to label everything 
Well I'm just gonna do here what I gotta do here 
'Cause I gotta keep myself free 
You're ducking and moving just to hide your bruises from all your enemies 
And I'm in the crossfire dodging bullets from your expectancies 

We've got nothing to lose 
You better run and hide 
Yeah you've crossed the line 
I've got a knife behind my back (just sayin') 
We've got nothing to prove 
Your social guides give you swollen eyes 
But what I've got can't be bought so you can just....

Call It What You Want - Foster The People

See-Saw?

Adventure #70 Finding My Own Wonderland.

Crystal skies, beautiful beaches, suntanned lines and sunsets. Yep. That's where I used to live... four days ago. Tropical Storm Debby with a "Y" has entered our Florida beaches and the Florida Local's patience. Even though he is English, Brutus is local and hating life! He is curled up currently on his Cubs blanket anticipating the Cubbies next big one in a row and his next trip to the playground? The streets are flooded and them as well as me are over pouring. Why has my patience grown so thin?

Got The courage to brave the entire three block walk with the Bru this afternoon. What the Hell is with Dogs refusing to poop when it's raining? Well, when the rain turned into downpour and each sniff turned into my umbrella flipping inside out and my vision of my after-work Miller Light was now as far away as my next "real relationship!" Flipping into a conversation with my friend Court and I today... Have ya ever ever heard of John Mayer? Yeah he's a little old school but this guy has got it all right! Have you ever heard of a late afternoon visual fantasy to pass the time? OK well here goes... (picture this): A clean, crisp all white modern bedroom. Its Raining T.S. Debby Style and the windows are opened and blowing your perfect crispy, white, see-through curtains all over your room. Then, the breeze slowly opens up John Mayer's completely ironed, button up, but buttoned down white shirt. His fingers play softly and all he is thinking about is YOU! The music is completely intoxicating and somehow even as a girl, you are able to SHUT UP and TAKE IT ALL IN! You don't have to question anything, J. Mayer is in your bedroom and somehow is giving you all the right answers. For Some reason, you actually believe that "Your Body Is a Wonderland." And just as you are about to strum your own cord you quickly open your eyes and realize he is not "Standing in Your Atmosphere!" He's an actual Guy. The fantasy doesn't exist. You have officially entered the playground of life and You're on the See-Saw. He's Up. Your Down. Somehow you can never just balance it all out. It's Raining and you decide to leave the playground again. Your Awakened self realizes it's time to just step over the puddle, carry on but watch your step cause the Your Dog Finally Took A Poo!
Check Out This Oldie Song.....It pretty Much Sums it Up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSEYOpI985s&feature=related

What Goes Down. Must Come Back Up!

Adventure #69 Don't Drink The Tequila!

When I say that I cannot make this shit up.... PEOPLE I mean It! Over the last few months, I have dated a bunch of donuts. I said to myself.. get back out there...live again and try on a few for size. Well, being on a pretty low fat diet, I once again should have listen to my old, love handles. They used to be pretty spot on about everything. My old instincts were high and my "guydar" was an exact match! After an extended period of drought (fill in the blanks), I chugged back some questionable tequila without hesitation. If you have read one of my most popular posts "Mr. Tequila" Adventure #59 My Live-In Cock Blocker, you would have first met "Mr. Tequila!" I don't need to go there; we all know what happened. But what is so funny is what happens next. Yep... Lets Just list what I was told.

(SPOKEN LIKE A LOSER)

1. Yo. I'M moving to Colorado.

2. Babe. I'M gonna make some killer money.

3. Hey. Its the Family Business.

4. Check It. I Will Back In December.

5. Yo. I wanna Take you Somewhere Tropical.

Here is What I Was Telling Myself.

1. I'M Not Into You!

2. I Don't Care.

3. Have Fun. Good Luck.

4. OK. Whatever.

5. I will Believe it when I get my Plane Ticket.

So weeks and weeks went by. I have lived my life and really not thought about "Mr. Colorado" too much. Until... DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! (drum roll please)?

A close friend called and told me her new boy got some important information....

 (Spoken like a cliche Black Girl)  GIRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLL U GOTTTTAAA HEEEEEEAAAAAAARRRRRR ABOUT THIS SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIITTT!!!!???

SO I listened. "I heard!" I let my fingers do the research and discovered "Mr. Colorado" instead of being a ton of States away, was actually less then a mile from my house. And homeboy wasn't chilling in Sarasota on the beach... homeboy was cuddled up next to "Bruce" another fellow Sarasota County Inmate!!!! "Mr. Tequila" was as dry as ever and is now living behind bars without bond until Dec. 2012! There Was No Colorado. No Job. No Money. No Plane Ticket. No Ride. Just Lies. I guess If I was actually into him... it would hurt more. I am more pissed that I was completely lied too. I can't believe it took me over a month in this town to find out! It would give me great pleasure to show you his picture but something tells me I would loose my blog because of that. I guess we are back to where It started... YOU CANT LOOSE SOMETHING YOU NEVER KNEW WAS EVEN MISSING! 

*** for all my friends here's the link... you know the name.

PS Brutus is So Pissed He Has No Comment!

http://www.sarasotasheriff.org/InmateChargeReport.asp#PageCenter