Adventure #78 Single Me No Mas
For months now, I have received many texts, emails and face to face questions as to wether or not I am writing my blog anymore. A lot of funny things have happened with sprinkles of some uncertainty in all of this. Brutus is well and according to him and some other interesting characters (Keith.) I have to decided to once again get back at it and put my twisted thoughts all out on paper.
A lot has happened since October. Brutus had his birthday and I had my single self taken off the table. I am a "we?" Ummmmm pardon me? It's been over six months since I met Mr. 4th of July and things are as easy breezy as they ever have been. Well, with us anyways. There is the a small 63 pound growth that sits beneath my ones polished toes. The new guy is well aware that It's a package deal. Though, what is the point of ones limitations? Just how many poops, excessive barking, drool piles, torn backpacks, half-eaten shoes and sexual attempts to Mommy gone terribly wrong will one guy take?
Do u ever come home from a long day, get in your comfy clothes and attempt to reboot and relax? Well, most people with poodles and lazy lapdogs don't have a clue just how long it takes the two of us to simply just sit on the couch together... Here is a list of "our" sometimes successful and sometimes failed attempts at just dating... Me and you and that white turkey meatball that just wants Mommy all to himself!!!
Running
Extensive long walks
Basketball
Skateboarding
Garbage can carrying
Tug of war with coat hangers
Beer
Peanut butter stuffed toys with Benadryl inserts
Dog parks
Play dates with other furry friends
Tennis
Swimming
Mommy wine
Expensive enlarged dog bones
Melatonin prescribed by doctor and...
My exciting and usually successful TURKEY SPRINTS!!!!!!!!
????? Picture this: The off leash crazy bulldog gets a whiff of a savory piece of turkey! Then the boyfriend goes running as I hold the furious dog with all my strength! Then on the count of 3 I let go as the mouth-watering bulldog goes sprinting towards his reward of real turkey! After about 4-6 passes of both of us looking ridiculous and stinking of slobber and turkey we return home and cross our fingers! Maybe tonight we can watch 20 minutes of Chelsea lately.. But most likely it will be ten!
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Forgetful Mom VS The Steamer
Adventure #77 Give and Take
Most people in new relationships give and take quite a bit. If he likes motor sports you put on your "tough girl" gear and head out to the race track. If she likes girlie movies, he does his best and sits painfully through another.. oh wait they hate each other love story, but really they will miraculously end up together in 90 Mins or less Ashton Kutcher Typical Chic Flick. Though the question is: what happens when both parties start to forget their normal duties? I, have forgotten a lot of my normal once enjoyable daily duties. I haven't been running... and crossing my fingers with my hit or miss workouts haven't gained back much weight. (Thank God.) Though, things that I have been forgetting is my old boyfriend Brutus. Of course he gets fed, walked and loved daily but I have not been writing. I have not posted anything during the month of September but somehow I have gained readers! Maybe all the talk of Brutus's 21st Birthday Party Spread throughout the Internet?? Somehow, we have made it through another month together... me and Brutus and well the new guy. Brutus is always a daily challenge. Brutus's new thing comes in a pretty big and smelly package. The bed and bedroom is now gated and off-limits to Brutus. By my mistake this dog has slept every single night with me. Today, Bru is left out in the living room unattended and alone. He now has officially answered to this new situation in the morning with a perfectly placed steam pile saying, "F U MOM AND THIS SO CALLED NEW DADDY!" To best describe this, please in vision this...
The unwelcoming load is unbelievably smelly and "it resembles a dead mans corpse rotting away in its own feces accompanied with maggots of epic proportions throwing up over the dead man's corpse. GOT OK..MOVING ON.... THIS HAS TO STOP!!!! And between Google searches and BACK TO THE BASICS TRAINING... THIS DOG IS PISSED AND POOPING!! I'm asking my readers..any suggestions? Putting up a poll to the right.. You have one week to tell me what to do. We will be here waiting. Me, Bru, the new guy and the Steamer!
Most people in new relationships give and take quite a bit. If he likes motor sports you put on your "tough girl" gear and head out to the race track. If she likes girlie movies, he does his best and sits painfully through another.. oh wait they hate each other love story, but really they will miraculously end up together in 90 Mins or less Ashton Kutcher Typical Chic Flick. Though the question is: what happens when both parties start to forget their normal duties? I, have forgotten a lot of my normal once enjoyable daily duties. I haven't been running... and crossing my fingers with my hit or miss workouts haven't gained back much weight. (Thank God.) Though, things that I have been forgetting is my old boyfriend Brutus. Of course he gets fed, walked and loved daily but I have not been writing. I have not posted anything during the month of September but somehow I have gained readers! Maybe all the talk of Brutus's 21st Birthday Party Spread throughout the Internet?? Somehow, we have made it through another month together... me and Brutus and well the new guy. Brutus is always a daily challenge. Brutus's new thing comes in a pretty big and smelly package. The bed and bedroom is now gated and off-limits to Brutus. By my mistake this dog has slept every single night with me. Today, Bru is left out in the living room unattended and alone. He now has officially answered to this new situation in the morning with a perfectly placed steam pile saying, "F U MOM AND THIS SO CALLED NEW DADDY!" To best describe this, please in vision this...
The unwelcoming load is unbelievably smelly and "it resembles a dead mans corpse rotting away in its own feces accompanied with maggots of epic proportions throwing up over the dead man's corpse. GOT OK..MOVING ON.... THIS HAS TO STOP!!!! And between Google searches and BACK TO THE BASICS TRAINING... THIS DOG IS PISSED AND POOPING!! I'm asking my readers..any suggestions? Putting up a poll to the right.. You have one week to tell me what to do. We will be here waiting. Me, Bru, the new guy and the Steamer!
Friday, August 31, 2012
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
DON'T LISTEN TO A WORD I SAY!
Adventure #76 Order a Big Meal To Fill You For a Lifetime!
"I would like to order this, with a side of this, minus that, add that but take out this!" Sound Familiar? We are talking about dinner out right? You know those people; maybe you are one of them. You like that certain mouth-watering item but suddenly you change your mind.. Everything is halted and then it's time to order! "I will have your famous Cobb Salad minus the chicken.. you can add the bacon but only crispy please... egg whites chopped and dressing on the side right?" (should you be writing this down)? You get your meal and because you ordered it exactly how you commanded it, you are suddenly surprised it didn't all come out the way you planned it.....
I sit here. In Bed as usual. The clock ticks. I went to bed at 12 and between Instagram, Chicago Sports News and Brutus's Snoring; Its Suddenly 2 am. I have officially used Brutus as My New IHOME Docking Station. He is laid out on his back, flaps flopping and has become the primary holder of all the technical portals at my disposal. He has an IPOD, and IPHONE and a Cordless IMOUSE on his chest. He doesn't seem to mind, he's been out for hours. I wish I could say the same. So.... My Question Tonight Is:
Do You Think Relationships are a minus this or an add that? Cause Looking around the last ten years or so, I feel that You Can Honestly... Just Take It Or You Leave It! I look at some of my friends, and I feel like they really wanted the Perfect Cobb Salad but the settled for a side dinner salad instead. To Each as Own as the all say. And Then I get Down On Myself For still being single, married-less, not-engaged ever, non-prego and wondering...
Do I Want TO Settle For Whats on The Menu? Or Do I Wait Around For a New Restaurant to Open?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>THIS SONG HAS BEEN ON MY SPOTIFY ENTITLED:
"CLUELESS DONUTS" FOR THREE MONTHS!!! CHECK IT OUT BELOW<<<<<<<<<<<<
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>THIS SONG HAS BEEN ON MY SPOTIFY ENTITLED:
"CLUELESS DONUTS" FOR THREE MONTHS!!! CHECK IT OUT BELOW<<<<<<<<<<<<
Friday, August 3, 2012
Smashed Baby Bliss?
Adventure #75 Forgetful Silliness
Brutus has a way a getting on to the bed. He sneaks and circles kinda like a shark does; slowly and patiently waiting to attack. When he pounces and finds his way, to his surprise there is another foreign object laying next to Mommy. Over the last now two and half years, this bed has been empty. As I have said before, I have barely slept in it. My long nights of Chinese and re runs on the couch have come to a close and finally I let someone real in. So, what now? Its been a month and I feel like I am on the verge of another guy telling me He's not good enough for me. So, what's so great about me? I forget to clean the toilet rings, pick up dirty laundry and have been even so lazy that getting up and filling Brutus's dog bowl feels like a climb up Mount Fuji! I also forget to throw out spoil milk, I barely buy groceries and I am pretty sure my gas tank is empty right now. So, I am left with questions and I am not sure if anyone out there can answer any of them? Here's three... Can somebody help me? Things are starting to get silly.
1. What is the point of all of this?
2. Why do we feel not complete being alone?
3. Is there anyway Brutus can wipe his butt.. cause I am pretty sure he left a foreign object hanging?
Song Below To My Surprise Has Now Come Out on The Terrible Thing We Call Top 40! I Knew It A Year Ago....:)
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ?
Brutus has a way a getting on to the bed. He sneaks and circles kinda like a shark does; slowly and patiently waiting to attack. When he pounces and finds his way, to his surprise there is another foreign object laying next to Mommy. Over the last now two and half years, this bed has been empty. As I have said before, I have barely slept in it. My long nights of Chinese and re runs on the couch have come to a close and finally I let someone real in. So, what now? Its been a month and I feel like I am on the verge of another guy telling me He's not good enough for me. So, what's so great about me? I forget to clean the toilet rings, pick up dirty laundry and have been even so lazy that getting up and filling Brutus's dog bowl feels like a climb up Mount Fuji! I also forget to throw out spoil milk, I barely buy groceries and I am pretty sure my gas tank is empty right now. So, I am left with questions and I am not sure if anyone out there can answer any of them? Here's three... Can somebody help me? Things are starting to get silly.
1. What is the point of all of this?
2. Why do we feel not complete being alone?
3. Is there anyway Brutus can wipe his butt.. cause I am pretty sure he left a foreign object hanging?
Song Below To My Surprise Has Now Come Out on The Terrible Thing We Call Top 40! I Knew It A Year Ago....:)
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ?
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
If You Lived Here. You Would Be Annoyed By Now!
Adventure #74 Extra Baggage?
>>>>>>>>>For Rent! Two Bed, One Bath, Old Florida Style House! Enjoy this and more with echo-filled walls and a non-draining bath tub! Immediate Special Move In Rate! In Search of New tenant that will aid help and relief from English Bulldog!<<<<<<
The person that lives here is on the brink of a plummeting off the Sunshine Sky Way Bridge if shit doesn't get in check! Being Single for as long as I Have, you develop some patterns that seem to go unnoticed when living by yourself. However, when someone new enters your comfortable surroundings things find a way of getting very aggravating. Picture A Long Day At Work followed by An Amazing Fajita Filled Dinner and a Movie on a Friends Couch. The New Prospect is Cuddled up around you and your belly and your attitude about things are finally complete. Though, between sips of my wine and the cute smiles from the new guy, you hear tiny shreds of glass breaking through the lanai. It's a burden and annoying. It resembles a screeching baby on an airplane, when not one part of you is Maternal. Or a Jitter Caffeine Filled Kid in line at the grocery store. YOUR HUNGOVER and the kid is running into the magazine rack and with his gummy filled finger tips is TOUCHING EVERYTHING! Including Your Cart! And Then There is Worse. There is Brutus. After Just twenty minutes of the movie, we head home into what should be a relaxing downplay of the night. This quickly turns into a terror of getting up and out of bed multiple times to organize a new strategy of calming the beast. I tried the crate with a bone, I tried the bathroom with a blanket, I tried the leashed tied to the table with the water, blanket and a toy. And then we (mine to date favorite maneuver) of relocating my dresser wedged as a barrier to the entrance of my bedroom. The beast is stirring, and between slams and whines underneath the bedroom door crack, the new guy makes known that now we are the ones locked up. We are caged in my own house, and getting a drink of water seems like a task for the Marine core! Things finally calm down in about an hour and lets just say my patience isn't the only thing being put to rest tonight. The New Guy Is More Irritated then I can imagine and I am just taking in the irony of the whole thing. Brutus Imagined it was always just gonna be me and him.... If I Don't get this crap picked up, he just might be right!
>>>>>>>>>For Rent! Two Bed, One Bath, Old Florida Style House! Enjoy this and more with echo-filled walls and a non-draining bath tub! Immediate Special Move In Rate! In Search of New tenant that will aid help and relief from English Bulldog!<<<<<<
The person that lives here is on the brink of a plummeting off the Sunshine Sky Way Bridge if shit doesn't get in check! Being Single for as long as I Have, you develop some patterns that seem to go unnoticed when living by yourself. However, when someone new enters your comfortable surroundings things find a way of getting very aggravating. Picture A Long Day At Work followed by An Amazing Fajita Filled Dinner and a Movie on a Friends Couch. The New Prospect is Cuddled up around you and your belly and your attitude about things are finally complete. Though, between sips of my wine and the cute smiles from the new guy, you hear tiny shreds of glass breaking through the lanai. It's a burden and annoying. It resembles a screeching baby on an airplane, when not one part of you is Maternal. Or a Jitter Caffeine Filled Kid in line at the grocery store. YOUR HUNGOVER and the kid is running into the magazine rack and with his gummy filled finger tips is TOUCHING EVERYTHING! Including Your Cart! And Then There is Worse. There is Brutus. After Just twenty minutes of the movie, we head home into what should be a relaxing downplay of the night. This quickly turns into a terror of getting up and out of bed multiple times to organize a new strategy of calming the beast. I tried the crate with a bone, I tried the bathroom with a blanket, I tried the leashed tied to the table with the water, blanket and a toy. And then we (mine to date favorite maneuver) of relocating my dresser wedged as a barrier to the entrance of my bedroom. The beast is stirring, and between slams and whines underneath the bedroom door crack, the new guy makes known that now we are the ones locked up. We are caged in my own house, and getting a drink of water seems like a task for the Marine core! Things finally calm down in about an hour and lets just say my patience isn't the only thing being put to rest tonight. The New Guy Is More Irritated then I can imagine and I am just taking in the irony of the whole thing. Brutus Imagined it was always just gonna be me and him.... If I Don't get this crap picked up, he just might be right!
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Run Away Egg Sand Which
Adventure #73 A Breakfast Of Champions?
Just finished the weekend with my best of friends, cocktails, keg stands and a shark watermelon. A month ago, I envision this weekend umm just slightly different. How so? Well, I never conceived making breakfast for "a sorta, kinda x," and "a fun easy breezy new guy." Yep, Picture this: Freshly showered and reclaiming our stubble steps from the night before; a slightly tired birthday boy comes rolling up into the kitchen. Me, being the nice "let's take the high road" invited him into a breakfast sandwich and some slight awkwardness. There sits the shirtless new guy and the hairy surfer dude side-by-side. I am crouched behind the fridge as I lock eyes with my best friend and realize HOLY CRAP WE ARE ACTUALLY DOING THIS!?? If neither of them realized who each other was.. I guess we are in luck.. But how could at least one of them not? Tracing my steps from the night before of hand-holding, soft kisses and some ass grabbing... the hairy one is absolutely stoned and clueless to the fact that I did exactly what I said I was gonna do. "I'm Moving On!" So, I played nice and crept a steep mountain of amenity, smiled and moved forward. Guys are different. They don't talk shit about each other shoes, outfits or hairstyles. For all I know, neither of them was even thinking about me! Though, if I were to ever my own restaurant one day, I would call this menu item: 1 egg with a side of X. I don't know how many of you have seen Sex in the City? But I will refer to one episode when Miranda is glowing about her new relationship with the handsome Doctor Robert. She feels a little guilty that Steve is still a bit of a bum and single. The girls are all at breakfast, when Samantha says very pointedly: "YOU WON!" Minus the Sex and the Bloody Tampon Nose, I guess that solves the problem how they are all gonna meet! I now can check that off my list! If its not a competition... then we can just call it:
NO CONTEST!
>>>>>>CHECK OUT THE SEX IN THE CITY SCENE LINK BELOW<<<<<<<<
Just finished the weekend with my best of friends, cocktails, keg stands and a shark watermelon. A month ago, I envision this weekend umm just slightly different. How so? Well, I never conceived making breakfast for "a sorta, kinda x," and "a fun easy breezy new guy." Yep, Picture this: Freshly showered and reclaiming our stubble steps from the night before; a slightly tired birthday boy comes rolling up into the kitchen. Me, being the nice "let's take the high road" invited him into a breakfast sandwich and some slight awkwardness. There sits the shirtless new guy and the hairy surfer dude side-by-side. I am crouched behind the fridge as I lock eyes with my best friend and realize HOLY CRAP WE ARE ACTUALLY DOING THIS!?? If neither of them realized who each other was.. I guess we are in luck.. But how could at least one of them not? Tracing my steps from the night before of hand-holding, soft kisses and some ass grabbing... the hairy one is absolutely stoned and clueless to the fact that I did exactly what I said I was gonna do. "I'm Moving On!" So, I played nice and crept a steep mountain of amenity, smiled and moved forward. Guys are different. They don't talk shit about each other shoes, outfits or hairstyles. For all I know, neither of them was even thinking about me! Though, if I were to ever my own restaurant one day, I would call this menu item: 1 egg with a side of X. I don't know how many of you have seen Sex in the City? But I will refer to one episode when Miranda is glowing about her new relationship with the handsome Doctor Robert. She feels a little guilty that Steve is still a bit of a bum and single. The girls are all at breakfast, when Samantha says very pointedly: "YOU WON!" Minus the Sex and the Bloody Tampon Nose, I guess that solves the problem how they are all gonna meet! I now can check that off my list! If its not a competition... then we can just call it:
NO CONTEST!
>>>>>>CHECK OUT THE SEX IN THE CITY SCENE LINK BELOW<<<<<<<<
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