What Came First...

Adventure #36  The Katelyn or The Brutus?

So, I have this girlfriend named Katelyn! She Hails from Pittsburgh! You wouldn't be able to tell past her Black and Yellow attire and love for anything that's says, "This girl... is an up north kind of girl." These girls are a different breed from those that roam around these parts. I am not going to go much more into that because I don't want hurt my Florida reader's feelings. Anyways, My girl Katelyn is scared of anything from Lizards to Sea Creatures and most importantly...BRUTUS! Yes, my 65 pound slobbery mess scares the living crap out of her. In Brutus's Defense, he loves her! He wants to give her big kisses and lick her luscious lips. (As most guys in Sarasota do.) Though, Katelyn thinks he wants to eat her! We have had many conversations on this particular subject and she is still not convinced. So, after a 5 day weekend for her birthday extravaganza, (which I had to work during) I decided to get out early and have some drinks with Miss Pittsburgh! The deal was if I was coming, so was my boyfriend. Then, I was instructed he must be ordained with a birthday hat and some "Katelyn Flair!" 4 glow sticks, one decked out banana, 3 Mardi Gras beads and freaking awesome birthday hat; we set our eyes on Katelyn's last birthday drink!  He was strutting his stuff and bowing up as he approached his prey. His "outfit" lasted about three minutes but he rocked his birthday hat gangster style for her, for the majority of the night. He was well behaved besides the fact that he knocked over 2 tables full of sugar caddies, scared a Mexican dishwasher and bruised up another one of my knees. On Tuesday, The two of us set sail for another evening full of sugar shots and light beers. (I think one cancels out the other.) Then, "Our Driver" went to go pick up Brutus and somehow Katelyn and I got shoved into the back seat of the Expedition. Brutus leaps into the front seat aka I own this shit and I instruct Miss P.A. not too look at him! Don't make eye contact, Don't smile and most certainly Don't call out his name! The plan did not work and he fought me for 5 blocks to attempt to get to her. His face is full of saliva filled kisses and he wasn't stopping for me. We made it to our final destination... his favorite neighborhood watering hole and set up shop on his bar stool. After about an hour things got a little blurry and it was time for "Blue Eyes" to take her black and yellow Chariot home. The cab pulls up and Katelyn throws money at me and jumps in. I am sitting backwards on my bar stool and there goes Katelyn, there goes Brutus, there goes my bar stool up and over and there goes my humility. He plunges his masculine body up on the closed cab door and I am lying on the concrete face first clenching his death grip!  Katelyn is screaming bloody murder, "HES GOING TO EAT ME... HE IS GOING TO RIP MY FACE OFF!" The cab driver doesn't know if anything is real and hurls the car down Osprey Ave. I am left with shards of concrete implanted in my knees and 5 blocks of a disappointing walk home. She turns around and peers through the cab back window... and gives me a piercing look of, "I told you so."