Adventure #19 Attack of The Disgruntled Tourist
Tiki Bars on the West Coast of Florida come with many of the same qualities of other coasts. The main characteristics of these Hot Spots include : Over-prices-weak-alcohol-colorful drinks, island style music, steel drums, fresh smelling local fare, the locals and then the very offensive tourist. Interesting enough on some days at my local spot, I have seen fanny-packs, butt cracks, burping bulging fat guys and my favorite disgruntled slutty girls. This day was no different. At the start of Spring the girls are running wild, most people have been sitting in the sun drinking for hours, and then there are the others, "I don't bother to wear sunscreen lobster red faces!" I had just got out to the Marina and was randomly sober compared to all the others out there that day. I had on a baseball hat and a casual T-shirt, the tourists were ordained with perfect "Lilly Pulitzer" pink and green outfits. The "Ladies who Lunched" sipped there casual cocktails with their Botox and lip injected faces and I belly-up and chugged my Miller Lite under the setting sun. I was meeting my friend Elisabeth and she was READY2Go! I am there for about 10 minutes when one of the Older Lilly Models approached us. "Oh, Your Dog is SO Cute!" What's his name?" Said the lady that looked she hadn't taken a number 2 since last Tuesday! Um, This is Brutus, but be careful he is still a puppy and is very excited to be here! The lady reaches down to pet his already slobber-filled face and he pounces both paws on her cute over-priced flower-filled ensemble. Oops! Your bad.
The look of disgust travels from the bottom of her face and I guess to the top of her forehead, but obviously can't quite tell because of the Botox. Anyways, I apologize immediately cause I actually do feel bad that her skirt was harmed, so I offered her a napkin. She then says, "Ah, No Thanks that wont rid the slobber." My mind instantly flashes back onto the movie the Blob. Am I showing my age or do you guys remember it? Picture this scene: Sexy Female on the lake when the famous red goo rises through the cracks of the dock. The mixture of slime and pure evil start to rise over the girls body as her skin peels away slowly. This is the exact reaction this lady had on her face. She dramatically acted as if this mixture was going to melt her face off. Now here is where my friend goes off: 1.) You were warned. 2.) You are dressed for a white linen table cocktail party not a beach bar. 3.) Your Over-Priced Skirt is Ugly! (don't know if that is valid but it felt good hearing it and 4.) IT'S JUST SALIVA LADY!! The uncomfortable scene travels from one end of the bar to the other.. And then that is when it is my cue to leave. Combined quote from The Blob 1988 and myself this would be the Trailer: If it had a mind you could reason with it, if it had a face, you could look it in the eye. if it had a body you could shoot it.....Now woman in ugly skirt you are not the supreme intelligent one anymore at this Tiki Bar...Lady I think you just pissed it off! Terror has no shame!
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