Adventure #66 Easy Breezy Blvd?
Brutus is really good at telling me what he wants in little ways without speaking. He licks my feet when I get back from running, I think that means he misses Mommy. He Sits by the front door when he wants to hit up Legends Pub for some suds and hes been known to actually paw at his bowl when hes hungry. But what does he do when he gets mad at me? Well nothing. He never gets mad. He loves his life and I am pretty sure hes got it good. Its Just his Mommy lately that has it all wrong. Went to His Old Daddy's new Bar the other day and I was literally standing in a Bermuda Triangle of Failed Past "Relationships." To My Right, There was the main one who I knew I would see and I'm cool with that. No worries doesn't even phase me. And then to my left was that grey haired guy that ineverwantedhimtocallmeagainbutthenhedidntcallmeagainandiwaslikewtfiswrongwithmewheniwasntevenintohim.com anyone else know that site? Its a busy site for thirty some singles. Well, anyway it was weird. Like Really Weird. So standing directly in front of me was my mouth in a way I haven't seen ever. See, I drank the night before as well.. and instead of shutting my mouth, I let it run free down Highway of What Are We? And What is This? I should I have traveled down Easy Breezy Blvd. instead of asking questions to answers that I don't really care to know about right now...
FML AVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I guzzled down a few Miller Lights, showed face, kissed babies and proceeded on ward down the street. The only thing is I couldn't really enjoy myself at a Luau Party of all Places because I was Dwelling on Worry Lane. Worrying is the Worst! I was talking to a regular customer at my work tonight and he proceeded to tell me that boys are easy, they are pretty black and white. If you cant tell it less then 8 words... DON'T! Easy, Breezy and to the point! Simple, Plain and Short. (Kinda like The grey haired guys personality!) HA HA. So, I did and I have decided to Listen to Brutus... Keep it Light. Keep it Simple. Don't Get Mad and Not enjoy Life. I do have it good... Now If I can just learn my lesson and SHUTMYFINGMOUTH.edu
Wish This Song Said: Shut Your Mouth but It Will Do For Tonight!
And when the worrying starts to hurt
and the world feels like graves of dirt
Just close your eyes until
you can imagine this place, yeah, our secret space at will
Monday, May 28, 2012
Friday, May 25, 2012
Do I Need A Rescue?
Adventure # 65 Mapping Out A New Path
2 Years. 2 Months and Countless Glasses of Wine. It officially feels like Summer and I am officially still single. Its hot and so are the locals. I finished a book at the dog park yesterday with My Boyfriend Brutus and between licks, sweat and my last chapter... "Finally Over Him.". I realized I am. I am covered in kisses and they are not just from Brutus anymore and I cant believe that it took me two years to finish this book. (ha ha) I have enclosed a link to this once embarrassing purchase from Barnes and Noble for any people out there searching through there own messes: "The Ultimate Survival Guide to getting Revenge and Finally Getting Over What's His Name!" The last Chapter is my favorite and now that I have become advocate for forgetting about what's his name, I was able to shake my girlfriend last night of her own worries. The Chapter is Titled: Have No Fear
"Don't let your fears cripple you. Most of the time what we fear never comes to pass. Many times our fears are exaggerated. The more we worry, the bigger and the worse the fear or hurdle seems."
2 Years. 2 Months and Countless Glasses of Wine. It officially feels like Summer and I am officially still single. Its hot and so are the locals. I finished a book at the dog park yesterday with My Boyfriend Brutus and between licks, sweat and my last chapter... "Finally Over Him.". I realized I am. I am covered in kisses and they are not just from Brutus anymore and I cant believe that it took me two years to finish this book. (ha ha) I have enclosed a link to this once embarrassing purchase from Barnes and Noble for any people out there searching through there own messes: "The Ultimate Survival Guide to getting Revenge and Finally Getting Over What's His Name!" The last Chapter is my favorite and now that I have become advocate for forgetting about what's his name, I was able to shake my girlfriend last night of her own worries. The Chapter is Titled: Have No Fear
See. It Took Me a Freaking Long Time To Get Here. I once had a plan, a sketch a someone and that someone just stopped trying. I was pissed. I was Confused. I am officially letting it go. This book made me realize that there is a chance that as lame as it is... "There Are Other fish in the Sea!" 6 months ago... I would never wanted to go back into the water and I most certainly wasn't ready to fish again. Funny enough... letting go and letting myself back in; I realized instead of sweating about what's his name I will sweat it out with someone else. What's even funnier is that there is a chance I could even get an upgrade!
If I could say anything to my friend that is covered in mental sludge from her own what's his name... I would say: Make a list of the things that you disliked or annoyed you about your ex. This will help stop you idolizing him. And this is the best part!!! Here are three of mine and this should help!
1. I hate that You kiss like a wet noodle... I could barely feel your lips.
2. I hate that you put ketchup on my four hour dinner I just made.
3. I hate that you think wearing sweat pants is appropriate on a dinner date. ---------
ahhhhhhhh Now That feels Nice... Yep.... I am back in the water and waiting to be rescued.
PS Check Out This Song.... It's Brutus's New Fav!!!
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Destination Unknown
Adventure #64 Do You Know The Way To Mystery Island?
Yep. It's Wedding season. And with that added stress of finding a date and buying that perfect dress it's finally coming to a close. The dress = Perfect. The Shoes = more then perfect. And my date? Well you can never go wrong with your best guy friend... Jimmy! I guess we did the normal date thing you can say... I picked out "his outfit" and he brought my 60 pound slobbering bulldog to the doggy hotel for me. You could say it was an even trade. We danced and got a little merry... however, the only problem I have been running into is: people aka "guys" thinking that "Jimmy" is actually my date. Dude, he's like my protective big brother that I could never you-know-what-with... and I am more then sure that his lack-of-feeling is mutual! So, there I am after a few chardonnays having to explain myself to friends, family member's and possible prospects that "Jimmy" is just a friend! I begin to have a conversation with my girl about moving forward and finally not stressing about Mystery Island anymore... What is Mystery Island you might ask? Well, Mystery Island Really Exists! See, Its a place where those great first dates and great conversations lead into a kiss, that lead into a real date, that lead into them floating away on a cloud to Mystery Island! What's the address you might ask? Well, I am a girl and girls actually will never receive the actual address! They are all there together... X boyfriends, great first kissers and the date that should have ended after dinner and not three hours later! They don't have phones or email and they certainly don't have Face Book! They love the line... "Can't Wait to See You Again!" or "Call Ya Later Babe!" But they never seem to lock in a time or a destination for the second date! At first, I was beginning to think it was just me but talking with other girlfriends, they have all been left on the runway of the plane headed for Mystery Island... with no E.T.A. home! I'll be honest, in the last two months I have been stranded with no answers from three guys... and since they don't have computers I can legally list there first names: Daniel, Jason and Tim. If any of my boys make it to that Island one day, I would like to pass on a message to them.... Guess what? I really wasn't that interested! One of you had grey hair, one was way to right wing and one was two years away from retirement... ouch! I would have never taken you to my best friends wedding and unless Jimmy or Brutus approves you were never worth that second date! See, it is nice having that wing man.. It is a smart idea to get others opinions. One Lick is good. Two Slobbers is Great!
Yep. It's Wedding season. And with that added stress of finding a date and buying that perfect dress it's finally coming to a close. The dress = Perfect. The Shoes = more then perfect. And my date? Well you can never go wrong with your best guy friend... Jimmy! I guess we did the normal date thing you can say... I picked out "his outfit" and he brought my 60 pound slobbering bulldog to the doggy hotel for me. You could say it was an even trade. We danced and got a little merry... however, the only problem I have been running into is: people aka "guys" thinking that "Jimmy" is actually my date. Dude, he's like my protective big brother that I could never you-know-what-with... and I am more then sure that his lack-of-feeling is mutual! So, there I am after a few chardonnays having to explain myself to friends, family member's and possible prospects that "Jimmy" is just a friend! I begin to have a conversation with my girl about moving forward and finally not stressing about Mystery Island anymore... What is Mystery Island you might ask? Well, Mystery Island Really Exists! See, Its a place where those great first dates and great conversations lead into a kiss, that lead into a real date, that lead into them floating away on a cloud to Mystery Island! What's the address you might ask? Well, I am a girl and girls actually will never receive the actual address! They are all there together... X boyfriends, great first kissers and the date that should have ended after dinner and not three hours later! They don't have phones or email and they certainly don't have Face Book! They love the line... "Can't Wait to See You Again!" or "Call Ya Later Babe!" But they never seem to lock in a time or a destination for the second date! At first, I was beginning to think it was just me but talking with other girlfriends, they have all been left on the runway of the plane headed for Mystery Island... with no E.T.A. home! I'll be honest, in the last two months I have been stranded with no answers from three guys... and since they don't have computers I can legally list there first names: Daniel, Jason and Tim. If any of my boys make it to that Island one day, I would like to pass on a message to them.... Guess what? I really wasn't that interested! One of you had grey hair, one was way to right wing and one was two years away from retirement... ouch! I would have never taken you to my best friends wedding and unless Jimmy or Brutus approves you were never worth that second date! See, it is nice having that wing man.. It is a smart idea to get others opinions. One Lick is good. Two Slobbers is Great!
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