I don't need an alarm clock. Haven't needed one in 18 Months. My alarm clock snores, farts, burps and takes up 3/4 the bed. Nope, he is not a man, he is my English Bulldog. Brutus apparently has an internal alarm clock; 8 A.M. on the pushed-in nose, it goes off. No matter what time we go to bed, he is up ready to go and wanting.... FOOD!!!!! He has a routine and this is how it goes. Wake up, stretches, sniffs my face, goes and lays back down, gets up again and begins the routine of "morning annoyances". He starts at my toes and works his way up to my tired face. See, I don't know about you guys but without a drop of Star Bucks, I am coma-like. He is very sweet and first just makes slight tickles at my ears. I pull the Calvin Klein blanket that I wash 2 times a week up over my face. I didn't know that bulldogs were the search and rescue type but this beast will dig and find some opening, as if to say "Mom come on already, I have to poop!" Some times, I try and play dead with him and sometimes I just really wanna freaking sleep in! Does this dog know that I had wine until 3 A.M. last night? Yes! He does cause he was there spilling it over. Anyways, so the soft cuteness last for all of about three minutes and then starts the intense slobber-palooza! First, he goes for my neck as if he is making out with my roughly! (No Pun Intended.) Then he works his way through the blanket into my ears. Nope, not just on the outside of my ear, well into the internal eardrum part. Picture diving into a huge hot tub of warm dribbled drool and getting out to find that your ears are a bit clogged. Yep, that's pretty much it. I can't hear, can't see without my contacts and cant believe that I am up already! People that went to bed at 10 P.M. are the only ones up right now! I reluctantly get up, head to the bathroom, wash my face, contacts in, head back down the hallway towards my bedroom...and where is he? Back in bed, curled donut-like in my deep plum 600 count Egyptian sheets! Let's go for a walk! He jumps down and sprints towards the front door! I look back at my beautiful empty bed, and Ironically think, the only Man that's been in here lately is Calvin Klein.
Monday, March 7, 2011
The Best Part of Waking Up?
Adventure # 8 Rude Awakenings
I don't need an alarm clock. Haven't needed one in 18 Months. My alarm clock snores, farts, burps and takes up 3/4 the bed. Nope, he is not a man, he is my English Bulldog. Brutus apparently has an internal alarm clock; 8 A.M. on the pushed-in nose, it goes off. No matter what time we go to bed, he is up ready to go and wanting.... FOOD!!!!! He has a routine and this is how it goes. Wake up, stretches, sniffs my face, goes and lays back down, gets up again and begins the routine of "morning annoyances". He starts at my toes and works his way up to my tired face. See, I don't know about you guys but without a drop of Star Bucks, I am coma-like. He is very sweet and first just makes slight tickles at my ears. I pull the Calvin Klein blanket that I wash 2 times a week up over my face. I didn't know that bulldogs were the search and rescue type but this beast will dig and find some opening, as if to say "Mom come on already, I have to poop!" Some times, I try and play dead with him and sometimes I just really wanna freaking sleep in! Does this dog know that I had wine until 3 A.M. last night? Yes! He does cause he was there spilling it over. Anyways, so the soft cuteness last for all of about three minutes and then starts the intense slobber-palooza! First, he goes for my neck as if he is making out with my roughly! (No Pun Intended.) Then he works his way through the blanket into my ears. Nope, not just on the outside of my ear, well into the internal eardrum part. Picture diving into a huge hot tub of warm dribbled drool and getting out to find that your ears are a bit clogged. Yep, that's pretty much it. I can't hear, can't see without my contacts and cant believe that I am up already! People that went to bed at 10 P.M. are the only ones up right now! I reluctantly get up, head to the bathroom, wash my face, contacts in, head back down the hallway towards my bedroom...and where is he? Back in bed, curled donut-like in my deep plum 600 count Egyptian sheets! Let's go for a walk! He jumps down and sprints towards the front door! I look back at my beautiful empty bed, and Ironically think, the only Man that's been in here lately is Calvin Klein.
I don't need an alarm clock. Haven't needed one in 18 Months. My alarm clock snores, farts, burps and takes up 3/4 the bed. Nope, he is not a man, he is my English Bulldog. Brutus apparently has an internal alarm clock; 8 A.M. on the pushed-in nose, it goes off. No matter what time we go to bed, he is up ready to go and wanting.... FOOD!!!!! He has a routine and this is how it goes. Wake up, stretches, sniffs my face, goes and lays back down, gets up again and begins the routine of "morning annoyances". He starts at my toes and works his way up to my tired face. See, I don't know about you guys but without a drop of Star Bucks, I am coma-like. He is very sweet and first just makes slight tickles at my ears. I pull the Calvin Klein blanket that I wash 2 times a week up over my face. I didn't know that bulldogs were the search and rescue type but this beast will dig and find some opening, as if to say "Mom come on already, I have to poop!" Some times, I try and play dead with him and sometimes I just really wanna freaking sleep in! Does this dog know that I had wine until 3 A.M. last night? Yes! He does cause he was there spilling it over. Anyways, so the soft cuteness last for all of about three minutes and then starts the intense slobber-palooza! First, he goes for my neck as if he is making out with my roughly! (No Pun Intended.) Then he works his way through the blanket into my ears. Nope, not just on the outside of my ear, well into the internal eardrum part. Picture diving into a huge hot tub of warm dribbled drool and getting out to find that your ears are a bit clogged. Yep, that's pretty much it. I can't hear, can't see without my contacts and cant believe that I am up already! People that went to bed at 10 P.M. are the only ones up right now! I reluctantly get up, head to the bathroom, wash my face, contacts in, head back down the hallway towards my bedroom...and where is he? Back in bed, curled donut-like in my deep plum 600 count Egyptian sheets! Let's go for a walk! He jumps down and sprints towards the front door! I look back at my beautiful empty bed, and Ironically think, the only Man that's been in here lately is Calvin Klein.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment