Pillow Talk

Adventure # 16 Lamb Chop Butt

I literally have 72 words that I call my English bulldog. Booger wrinkle smile, scrumptious face, lover butt, boo boo, hot dog, muscle meat, slobber face, meatball, pork butt, big guy and my favorite Lamp Chop. He is only a year and half now, and no wonder why he doesn't listen. If u know me at all I have a distinct voice. Pretty much ironically when I drink; only dogs can hear it. I never really knew how high it was until my boys back in college used to make fun of me about it. I squeak on a daily basis especially after 3 chardonnays and call my dog all sorts of names. My little slobber poo gives me a look every time I speak and cocks his head as if to say: Seriously? Lady?.... Most of the times if I have cookie he comes Roley Poley bowling ball smack right for me. Other times if I really want him to do something, he quirks his head at whatever new word I just came up with and runs away. This dog is famous for not listening. Like most men in my life, he shrugs off whatever question or request I am asking. (Yeah if that comment hits below the belt, you know who you are.) Anyways, my little meatball head struts around the house and decides when and where he wants to listen. If I find a squirt of poo in the living room and then call him: Forget it! He will never come when called. If I have a warm smelly cookie fresh out of the oven: Hell this dog could enter any pageant or best in show, any day! I can see it now... Now announcing Best in Show! Brutus Muscle Meat Beefcake strutting his big boisterous balls for the crowd again! Give it up for Ball Full Of Luscious Face Lamp Chop!!! And the crowd roars!!!! Cheerleaders flash him, kids get thrown in the air, old people start making out, I'm crying in my Chardonnay!!!!! AHHHAHAHHHHH!!!!  And then he humps the judge and we get disqualified.  Game Over.