Steamer, crap, dump, shit, double shit, pile, load and more commonly referred to as poop. These are a few words to describe my dog's massive excrements that are taken while out on our walks, around the neighborhood. Yep, he poops... A LOT! This dog is a food-eatin-meat-grindin-poop-takin-machine! Every morning, I get that lovely job of waiting patiently until he poops and then even more exciting, I get to cart it back to the house. This dog gets into everything! Cotton Balls, Tissue Paper, Magazine Articles (he likes Sport Illustrated) and my favorite make-up sponges. When out on our walks, I get to experience and discover what lovely item he decided to eat when I wasn't looking. It's kind of like a hidden treasure of surprises. We are on a safari in midtown Sarasota and we are looking for ants, lizards and mixed poop insides. One time he dumped out and entire Q-Tip still intact..still gross. Another time, I found an entire makeup sponge that was now 3 times the size of its original state. I am not a glam kind of girl but I am pretty sure that Cover Girl wasn't intending that kind of Out Last Finish! So, when Brutus was little his poos were half the size of him and now that he is bigger, his poos are pretty much the size of Brutus when he was little. Do you get it? Well, here picture this- An ankle biting Chihuahua packed with breadcrumbs, mushed with brown mushroom sauce and formed into 5 pound meatballs... Yep! That's pretty much what his poos look like! It is out-of-control- for such a compact dog. Now, I am embarrassingly walking slowly behind him trying not to distract from his CONCENTRATION. He finds his spot (finally) and contorts his body into a pear shaped figure. And then, just like Thumper from the movie Bambie, he thumps two to three times with each paw and it happens! Finally!!!!! Then this is when my untrained dog takes off with grand excitement and pulls at the leash, done the street. I YANK back, and its my turn to get rid of the evidence. It depends where we are at but I like to keep it to these for-instances: There is the "Um no one is looking, lets just brush some leaves on it." There is the "Fake Pick Up" where I scoop whatever leaves or dirt there is directly beside it. And then there is the really OK, "Lets be responsible duty," where I dip up every bit of that huge steamer into 1 Quart Frozen Veggie plastic bag. I slowly seal up the steamer and just like any cartoon the rays of stank rise up thorough the blue and yellow makes green seal. We are done, or he is and I cart the pile of crap and Brutus back to the house. I don't know what's worse? The people driving by gawking at this humongous pile in my hand or in three hours we will have to rewind play and repeat?
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