Just Taking a Neighborly Peak!

Adventure #25 Boobie Poppin' and Shorts Short Walkin'

I don't know about all my girl readers out there but when I am at home, I am strictly casual. After work, I cannot wait to strip off my work clothes and get into a mis-matched Tank and Shorts.  Most pictures that I have of me at home in my old place with the boys, I am wearing Over-sized T-shirts and Girl style board shorts. There is probably not one picture of me from back in the day, that I am wearing something matching or "oh' come on and get me outfit at home!" Well, nothing has changed. I cannot stand having any kind of tight fitting tees or jeans on while sitting on the couch, catching up on a recent reality show. Speaking of Reality shows, the one show that I am guilty of watching is: The Real Housewives Series. Yes, I realize that it isn't really "real!" Though, the part that I have been honing on lately that really, really, isn't real is the way these woman dress at home. Come On! Money or not, I am pretty sure that I would prance around my Upper East Side apartment in adorned over-sized Jewels and perfectly beaded over-colorful-outfits! I mean who the Hell dresses like that at home? Better yet, who the Hell is comfortable in that stuff? I am siting there sipping my cheap chardonnay ready to throw it at the screen, if they mention one more of their over the top charity events! One of there obnoxious bustiers outfits; would pay the way for five children to eat for a year. LAME!
    Well, I guess you are wondering what all this has to with Brutus? Well, one thing that I didn't mention yet was along with being casual at home, I am great neighbor. Along with picking up Brutus's enormous sized steamers, I am also aware of things outside my doorsteps. On this particular Saturday, nothing was different. Brutus was in his window squirrel watching and I was actually sadly to say, getting ready to go to a friends funeral. An already bad day in itself, I was rushing around to get ready and plan the day ahead. The only thing that I had on was: a small wife-beater, (see urban dictionary, old people) and a very small pair of hot pink short shorts. Yep, that's it. My girlfriend Jess was on the phone within minutes after what was just about to happen and can verify the amount of embarrassment, I was about to endure. Bru started barking and growling at this little dog in my driveway. A Jack Russell to be exact. A cute Frasier like dog that looked as if it was really lost. I sat there in the window for a bit but couldn't resist the desperate face of the lost pup. I carefully pushed Brutus aside and went out my front door. "Hey Little Guy!" I was cautious but him came right up to me. As soon as I was about to write the phone number from his Dior necklace, (no joke, I do live in Sarasota.) My bowling ball style of a dog comes barreling through my front door and racing for him. This is a jack Russell people, he is not a pile of lazy meat. AND THEY WERE OFF! Down my street crossing over Osprey Ave. And down three blocks. I start running after them screaming Brutus's name. The little shit actually stops, looks back at me and keeps going. Every thought of our training is running through my mind. I don't have a whistle, I don't have my trainer, I DONT HAVE ANY PANTIES ON! NOT TO MENTION A AM BRA-LESS!!!! NO JOKE! What is going on? It sounds funny now but during my chase I literally thought, I was going to see my dog get smashed right is front of me. They are now zig-zagging across the street and all the cars start to slow down. Thankfully, there is a little mexican lawn guy about a block in front of them. I am now yelling, "Make them stop. Stop them!!!! Stop looking at my bra-less tank and stop them!!" I quickly realize I don't know how to say "STOP!" in spanish, I realize at any point my boob could pop out, the right one, right in front of all these cars!! The dogs going whizzing right passed my little, No SPEAKA THE ENGLISH fellow and I am in screwed. I am still running in no shoes and no self-esteem, when Jack speeds up and Brutus Gives up. AHHH Thank God, My dog is a bulldog, Thank God he has no stamina. I get to him quickly and beat his butt right in front of all those cars. I then walk 7 blocks back to my house, Brutus, my shorts and tank. I am still braless bending over holding onto his collar because obviously didn't have time to grab a leash. I just hope my neighbors are as caring as me, I only hope they all wear bras.