Super Size This!

Adventure #44 Bitches Be Trippin' Over Their Own Fat Rolls...

Unfortunately, when I have beers... I don't eat. My diet lately has consisted of Red Bull, Star Bucks and the occasional Miller Light. Yep, at this age I should probably be more balanced. Well, a lot of things should. On this particular Sunday Night, I met my friend James out for beers at our local spot. Picking at this Tuna Tempura thing, I easily lost interest in our "amazing convo" and returned home early and hungry! Bru and I dazzled back to our dwelling both slightly buzzed. I open up the fridge, and it might have well just said, "Holy crap you are single." I have 12 Dressing bottles of "Let's Eat Just Salads This Week" and a package of Frosty Paws... hm not gonna really fill me up tonight? I head to the closest and most fattening place in my neighborhood... Yep, you guessed it. Peeling across the street, we head to Wendy's and I get a Taste of my own Frosty! I order The Baconator with cheese but after five Frosty Miller Lights, I opt for the Large Combo! Oh, yeah and a Frosty For Fun! This Freaking Sprite is bigger then Brutus's face and will not fit in my Jeep's Cup Holder! Holy frostyfullofgoodnesspolozza! My Beef Cake is sitting and actually being good as the over sized herself cashier screams out a "oooh loookk at himmmmm hes so cuuuuute!" He lunges across my gallon of Sprite and me and practically ends up in the drive-thru window. The cashier is hard to not make fun because YES I too am in line for a mountain of calories...but let's just make fun of her anyway. She has a gorging muffin top. Does everyone know what a muffin top is? O.K. kids your Urban Dictionary insert for today... The abdominal spillover that results from a husky woman wearing a too-tight pair of low-cut pants. Sweet Jesus! Look at the muffin top on that deuce.  For more info see: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=muffin+top Well, she also had a pig like nose ring, heavy black eye-liner that pretty much said, "I was forced to watch my Dad bathe when I was a young pup." However, this was all chocolate covered drizzled on top with a sweet and girlie exterior personality. hmmmm.  I am perplexed. I pay and I start to pull away another bad choice of crunchiness, she yells out, "Wait! I got something for him!" In Star Bucks line and most drive-thrus in Sarasota, I have received many doggie treats. I heel and wait for Mr. Ball Sack to get another treat this evening. She huffs and puffs her way back to the window and before I realize what she has in her engorged hands, he chomps it up. Um.... WTF? What was it? I asked.... "Oh, just a spicy fried chicken finger!" said the 2 months away from being bedridden "Wendy". I peeled away in discuss and looked at the finger-lickin' good fatty next to me. Enjoy it now, cause that will be your first and your last taste of complete pudgy shame. I However returned home and ate everything but the Sprite. I will work it off in the morning and walk to go get Star Bucks! The End.