Adventure # 52 "I Love My Uncle James!"
Even if you are a new reader or an avid one you have heard me complain that my dog is crazy. His favorite pastime is waiting for the arrival of me to come home. Its the same itunes song on repeat everyday. The tune goes something like this: "Jeep roars up to the front, I hear the car door shut, then the unlock of door as I run down the floor! I await for my Mommy, I can't wait for a slobby! Oh Oh Kiss Me! Feed Me! Ooh Please let me Hump Thee!" Yep, that's it and for some reason last Sunday, Uncle James was playing a different tune! I was at work another long day and I asked my friend James to take out the Slobber Monster! he thankfully obliged and made his way down Osprey Ave. I got kinda busy at work and as soon as I saw Mr. Uncle James walk in the door, I was ready for a story! How many poop piles did he leave this time? What did he tear up and eat of mine? How messy is my freshly cleaned house? Well, James walked in with a shit eating grin on his face... oh crap here we go! Apparently, Mr. Brutus Beefcake was a perfect little couch potato like angel! Directly spoken from James, "I didn't even know that was the same dog. I anticipated being pounced on and ravaged and the little meatball just casually walked out of the bedroom. No Barks, No Excitement. No Crazy!" He then put his leash on and took a casual stroll down the block. No pulling. No aggressiveness. Pee. Pee. No Poop. WHATTTTT?????? Are u freaking kidding me? Of course, I didn't want the little Tanker Truck giving my friend a hard time but come on! Just months before, James had broken his arm and Brutus mistakenly took his cast for a raw hide bone. I don't know what to think? Should I be happy? Should I now realize this dog is only crazy when I'm around? Between the fun-loving stories from Daddy and now the little prince he is for Uncle James, I am thinking about asking for sitters more often!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Post Party
Adventure #50!!! The Post It Always Sticks Twice!
A Little Reminder... Clean as you Go! I am single we all know that. I live with a messy bulldog. He is single also. Even being by ourselves, we sure do have a messy house. Its old but charming and hard to keep. After every beach day, dog park excursion and drunken bar run, we both somehow end up bringing the junk back with us. Empty cups, dirt, sand, clothes strewn about the living room. Who would wanna ever visit? Last week, I had a scary movie party for Halloween and the place post morning looked like a fraternity bomb of drunks and lost souls roamed my halls. There was a lovely popcorn fight, followed by a hurricane of broken glass. There was also a mysterious concoction of plastic eyeballs, candy corn, vodka soaked raspberries and leftover hobo stew that engulfed my 1960 kitchen drain. I grew up with no dishwasher and sadly have never graduated to a state of the art kitchen disposal. I am half drunk and half hungover as me and the beast tackle what is left of our home. He is on popcorn duty and his sniff and chomp tactic, is doing surprisingly well. I am on beer stain and stink removal followed by an exciting act of De-cob webbing and spider confetti hunt. There was also the lovely in my, I absolutely love Halloween and Scary Movie Adrenaline Rush of "LETS SPLATTER THE ENTIRE BATHROOM SHOWER WITH FAKE CRUSTED ON BLOOD AND CLOG THE DRAIN WITH EVEN MORE BLOOD THAT TAKES OVER MY LIFE AND FORCES ME TO SHOWER FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS WITH ALFRED HITCHCOCK HIMSELF!!!" What was I thinking???? It's November 8th and I am still cleaning. I don't blame anyone but me. I hope everyone had a good time. I am just hoping that Bru and I get this old place picked up before Thanksgiving. Tasks for Today... #1 Buy Post Its #2 Write on Post Its #3 Buy Live Turkey for Thanksgiving #4 Learn How To Slay Turkey Without Making a Mess!
http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi607099161/
A Little Reminder... Clean as you Go! I am single we all know that. I live with a messy bulldog. He is single also. Even being by ourselves, we sure do have a messy house. Its old but charming and hard to keep. After every beach day, dog park excursion and drunken bar run, we both somehow end up bringing the junk back with us. Empty cups, dirt, sand, clothes strewn about the living room. Who would wanna ever visit? Last week, I had a scary movie party for Halloween and the place post morning looked like a fraternity bomb of drunks and lost souls roamed my halls. There was a lovely popcorn fight, followed by a hurricane of broken glass. There was also a mysterious concoction of plastic eyeballs, candy corn, vodka soaked raspberries and leftover hobo stew that engulfed my 1960 kitchen drain. I grew up with no dishwasher and sadly have never graduated to a state of the art kitchen disposal. I am half drunk and half hungover as me and the beast tackle what is left of our home. He is on popcorn duty and his sniff and chomp tactic, is doing surprisingly well. I am on beer stain and stink removal followed by an exciting act of De-cob webbing and spider confetti hunt. There was also the lovely in my, I absolutely love Halloween and Scary Movie Adrenaline Rush of "LETS SPLATTER THE ENTIRE BATHROOM SHOWER WITH FAKE CRUSTED ON BLOOD AND CLOG THE DRAIN WITH EVEN MORE BLOOD THAT TAKES OVER MY LIFE AND FORCES ME TO SHOWER FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS WITH ALFRED HITCHCOCK HIMSELF!!!" What was I thinking???? It's November 8th and I am still cleaning. I don't blame anyone but me. I hope everyone had a good time. I am just hoping that Bru and I get this old place picked up before Thanksgiving. Tasks for Today... #1 Buy Post Its #2 Write on Post Its #3 Buy Live Turkey for Thanksgiving #4 Learn How To Slay Turkey Without Making a Mess!
http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi607099161/
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
My Hero
Adventure #48 Woken up to a Horrific Nightmare!
A lot of people in and out of Brutus's life have criticized him as a drooling, dumb dog. He doesn't listen. He doesn't mind me. He is not trained. Too all those people, I would like to say HA! Last Tuesday night, well Wednesday morning about 2:40 A.M. I was abruptly awoken by the loudest and scariest bark! I sat up and thought that couldn't be my dog? I barely opened my eyes and realized the lazy always conked out guy next to me, wasn't. I then tip-toed towards my living room and there he was: My 65-pound English bulldog, bowed up and barking like a Rottweiler! His chest high to the ceiling and his bark unrecognizable! With Halloween right around the corner, my love for scary movies had overspilled into an all-day, all-night marathon of Freddy, Michael and Jason. With my blood pumping like crazy, I peered through my blinds on my one level Florida Style, Non-Alarm house and saw one large man pillaging through my Jeep, just four steps from my front door!
Those of you that have never been scared or those of you that are males particularly, do not understand my anxiety and fright! I hit the ground and made my way back to my cell phone and immediately dialed 911! Operator, "What's your emergency?" I begin to tell her about one man that was just steps away from my (by the way opened window) when I looked through the blinds again and realized that there was a strange sedan with there lights off and another man in the driver seat! I do the math in my head. Me, single + dog, crazy + 2 men breaking in my house - me, no gun, no alarm = no nothing. Every possibility went through my head as the operator asked: "what did the people look like?" At this point, I was too scared to look again as I heard the blaring cop car chasing down my street. According to the newspaper, from the time of my call and when the officer arrived at my door, was exactly one minute. Though I would have disagreed, it felt a Hell of a lot longer! The next ten minutes was a blur. One officer asking questions. Brutus trying to break through the front door. Three squad cars racing down Osprey Ave. towards the criminal's crappy beater. Me not being able to identify the make and model of the car? Then all of a sudden, my officer gets a call takes of running and tells me to sit by myself on the porch! I go in the house grab Bru and a sweater and sit of my front porch... Terrified! I call "Daddy" and begin trying to recap the last few minutes of chaos! Then, here comes the criminals whizzing back down my street and four squad cars! Lights and sirens like crazy! It takes everything for me to hold Brutus back! In the end it turns out; One criminal takes off running, gets tasered and gets arrested. Many bags of cocaine were thrown from the driver who later gets in a horrific car crash with a light pole and another officer. They both are in jail and one cop was injured. I haven't slept well this last week and Bru is back in his spot in the window! Don't Mess. Don't Hate. He's On The Watch!
A lot of people in and out of Brutus's life have criticized him as a drooling, dumb dog. He doesn't listen. He doesn't mind me. He is not trained. Too all those people, I would like to say HA! Last Tuesday night, well Wednesday morning about 2:40 A.M. I was abruptly awoken by the loudest and scariest bark! I sat up and thought that couldn't be my dog? I barely opened my eyes and realized the lazy always conked out guy next to me, wasn't. I then tip-toed towards my living room and there he was: My 65-pound English bulldog, bowed up and barking like a Rottweiler! His chest high to the ceiling and his bark unrecognizable! With Halloween right around the corner, my love for scary movies had overspilled into an all-day, all-night marathon of Freddy, Michael and Jason. With my blood pumping like crazy, I peered through my blinds on my one level Florida Style, Non-Alarm house and saw one large man pillaging through my Jeep, just four steps from my front door!
Those of you that have never been scared or those of you that are males particularly, do not understand my anxiety and fright! I hit the ground and made my way back to my cell phone and immediately dialed 911! Operator, "What's your emergency?" I begin to tell her about one man that was just steps away from my (by the way opened window) when I looked through the blinds again and realized that there was a strange sedan with there lights off and another man in the driver seat! I do the math in my head. Me, single + dog, crazy + 2 men breaking in my house - me, no gun, no alarm = no nothing. Every possibility went through my head as the operator asked: "what did the people look like?" At this point, I was too scared to look again as I heard the blaring cop car chasing down my street. According to the newspaper, from the time of my call and when the officer arrived at my door, was exactly one minute. Though I would have disagreed, it felt a Hell of a lot longer! The next ten minutes was a blur. One officer asking questions. Brutus trying to break through the front door. Three squad cars racing down Osprey Ave. towards the criminal's crappy beater. Me not being able to identify the make and model of the car? Then all of a sudden, my officer gets a call takes of running and tells me to sit by myself on the porch! I go in the house grab Bru and a sweater and sit of my front porch... Terrified! I call "Daddy" and begin trying to recap the last few minutes of chaos! Then, here comes the criminals whizzing back down my street and four squad cars! Lights and sirens like crazy! It takes everything for me to hold Brutus back! In the end it turns out; One criminal takes off running, gets tasered and gets arrested. Many bags of cocaine were thrown from the driver who later gets in a horrific car crash with a light pole and another officer. They both are in jail and one cop was injured. I haven't slept well this last week and Bru is back in his spot in the window! Don't Mess. Don't Hate. He's On The Watch!
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