Adventure #46 Sad Mac
Well, some of you have probably noticed that I haven't posted anything in almost 2 weeks. That Might because of a tiny little thing missing. Nope, not Brutus. My Computer. My new Mac Book Laptop that I possessed for such a short time decided to become a chew toy, for my fabulous Bully Brutus! After a night of working and drinking I wobbled home and begin what I like to call: "Drunk Face Booking!" It's pretty funny, see you roam through pictures of people and their numerous children none of them whom you have met. You wonder... just how they could ever be married to a guy that looks like that? You come across the ones that were so much cuter in High school and the ones that have packed on more pounds their faces are now hidden between their neck rolls. There are the exes, the school teachers, the girls you were never really friends with. With this, the time passes me by and its close to 3 AM. I head to the bathroom for a quick second when I a hear the most interesting sound. Rabble, rabble, CRUNCH, CrUNCH! Shatter, shatter BREAK BREAK!! I peer down the hallway and there is my bulldog with both of his fat flaps tugging on the corner of my $1300 laptop! WTF??? BRUTUS!!!!!!!! STOPPPPP! YOUR AN ASSHOLE!! He begins to drag it halfway down the hallway towards me and terror stomps my heart and shatters my nerves. I completely take on the image of The Exorcist! You know the little girl that gets possessed and shoots vomit out of her mouth! I Yell every single swear word known to man back at this dog and all I can do is sob and only be mad at myself. I so mad that he turns two on Thursday and he is still not trained. I am mad that I left the computer on the floor. I am mad that everything nice seems to have slobber, cracks, stains and tears on it. Some response to my posts have been funny, witty, charming and interesting. Well, this one is sad. I am computerless for now but I still am Brutusfilled.
With Hope You Will Hear From Me Again Soon-
Sad in Sarasota
Showing posts with label english bully. Show all posts
Showing posts with label english bully. Show all posts
Monday, August 29, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Pillow Talk
Adventure # 16 Lamb Chop Butt
I literally have 72 words that I call my English bulldog. Booger wrinkle smile, scrumptious face, lover butt, boo boo, hot dog, muscle meat, slobber face, meatball, pork butt, big guy and my favorite Lamp Chop. He is only a year and half now, and no wonder why he doesn't listen. If u know me at all I have a distinct voice. Pretty much ironically when I drink; only dogs can hear it. I never really knew how high it was until my boys back in college used to make fun of me about it. I squeak on a daily basis especially after 3 chardonnays and call my dog all sorts of names. My little slobber poo gives me a look every time I speak and cocks his head as if to say: Seriously? Lady?.... Most of the times if I have cookie he comes Roley Poley bowling ball smack right for me. Other times if I really want him to do something, he quirks his head at whatever new word I just came up with and runs away. This dog is famous for not listening. Like most men in my life, he shrugs off whatever question or request I am asking. (Yeah if that comment hits below the belt, you know who you are.) Anyways, my little meatball head struts around the house and decides when and where he wants to listen. If I find a squirt of poo in the living room and then call him: Forget it! He will never come when called. If I have a warm smelly cookie fresh out of the oven: Hell this dog could enter any pageant or best in show, any day! I can see it now... Now announcing Best in Show! Brutus Muscle Meat Beefcake strutting his big boisterous balls for the crowd again! Give it up for Ball Full Of Luscious Face Lamp Chop!!! And the crowd roars!!!! Cheerleaders flash him, kids get thrown in the air, old people start making out, I'm crying in my Chardonnay!!!!! AHHHAHAHHHHH!!!! And then he humps the judge and we get disqualified. Game Over.
I literally have 72 words that I call my English bulldog. Booger wrinkle smile, scrumptious face, lover butt, boo boo, hot dog, muscle meat, slobber face, meatball, pork butt, big guy and my favorite Lamp Chop. He is only a year and half now, and no wonder why he doesn't listen. If u know me at all I have a distinct voice. Pretty much ironically when I drink; only dogs can hear it. I never really knew how high it was until my boys back in college used to make fun of me about it. I squeak on a daily basis especially after 3 chardonnays and call my dog all sorts of names. My little slobber poo gives me a look every time I speak and cocks his head as if to say: Seriously? Lady?.... Most of the times if I have cookie he comes Roley Poley bowling ball smack right for me. Other times if I really want him to do something, he quirks his head at whatever new word I just came up with and runs away. This dog is famous for not listening. Like most men in my life, he shrugs off whatever question or request I am asking. (Yeah if that comment hits below the belt, you know who you are.) Anyways, my little meatball head struts around the house and decides when and where he wants to listen. If I find a squirt of poo in the living room and then call him: Forget it! He will never come when called. If I have a warm smelly cookie fresh out of the oven: Hell this dog could enter any pageant or best in show, any day! I can see it now... Now announcing Best in Show! Brutus Muscle Meat Beefcake strutting his big boisterous balls for the crowd again! Give it up for Ball Full Of Luscious Face Lamp Chop!!! And the crowd roars!!!! Cheerleaders flash him, kids get thrown in the air, old people start making out, I'm crying in my Chardonnay!!!!! AHHHAHAHHHHH!!!! And then he humps the judge and we get disqualified. Game Over.
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