Adventure #43 Counting Sheep!
Toss and Turn. Roll over get some water. Bark. Bark. Cough. Cough. It's Too Hot in Here! I can't stand this pillow! Friday Night, It's 3 A.M. and I have to be back at work at 10. 7 hours you say no problem. Well, not when your mind and heart are racing with questions and concerns. It's not gonna happen. I am up and so is The Beast! He's restless and ready for a late night adventure. I put on my finest don't rape me tonight sweats and head South down Osprey Ave. We are out peeing, pooping, drinking some fine Walgreen's Chablis and oh yeah the best part... Window Shopping. With all the stores closed now at 4 A.M. I am safe from a shop-my-feelings-credit-card-melt-down...we proceed. We first stop at his second favorite Dog Shop called, "Woof Gang Bakery." I say 2nd cause Duh, my homemade cookies are his favorite. Hello! They are named after him for Brutus sake! I like the store displays and all the cute accessories in this quaint place but the sales lady/owner is such a pretentious bitch! We take a pic and proceed. He lunges across the street too his favorite dog bowl hole and at 4:30 A.M. even my, "I know every bartender in town," isn't gonna get one tonight! It's crazy; that he remembers landmarks in his neighborhood, is it crazy that we are still out? Maybe he is smarter then I think. We head past Morton's, if you don't live here which I am assuming my Bangladesh people have never been...(so weird.) Morton's is a Gourmet very expensive market. People there pay at least 75% more then they would down the street but with their sweaters tied to one side of their THIS YEARS POLOS...it's acceptable! The store is pretty cute though. I think I opted too splurge one day and got a pound of $26 dollar coffee. It's still in my pantry. Our last stop, while we crissed-crossed...(JUMP JUMP) on the way home was C-Cup and Up! It's a men's and woman's underneaths store. I like their window displays but easily pass aka stubble by after Legends but "someone" wanted to peruse these goods. Brutus was so interested in the mannequins. I don't know if he thought they were actual people, I don't know if he felt he needed a pair of Star Wars Boy Briefs but he wanted in! We took pictures of him poising as if he was the next "IT THING!" So, I gave in and sat there for awhile and tried to breathe and relax. All of sudden the time passed us by and I realized just how late it was. A runner fully equipped with dual water bottles and headlight ran passed us! Um.... this guy has already been to bed and I am still up! Yep, need to get back. On the way home, I actually got tired. He seemed over it too. Shopping Bag less, my wine drip less, it was time for bed. We didn't need to count sheep. We just needed a late night stroll and some $46 cute panties to put us into a 2 hour coma. Nightie Night.
Showing posts with label panties. Show all posts
Showing posts with label panties. Show all posts
Monday, July 25, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Just Taking a Neighborly Peak!
Adventure #25 Boobie Poppin' and Shorts Short Walkin'
I don't know about all my girl readers out there but when I am at home, I am strictly casual. After work, I cannot wait to strip off my work clothes and get into a mis-matched Tank and Shorts. Most pictures that I have of me at home in my old place with the boys, I am wearing Over-sized T-shirts and Girl style board shorts. There is probably not one picture of me from back in the day, that I am wearing something matching or "oh' come on and get me outfit at home!" Well, nothing has changed. I cannot stand having any kind of tight fitting tees or jeans on while sitting on the couch, catching up on a recent reality show. Speaking of Reality shows, the one show that I am guilty of watching is: The Real Housewives Series. Yes, I realize that it isn't really "real!" Though, the part that I have been honing on lately that really, really, isn't real is the way these woman dress at home. Come On! Money or not, I am pretty sure that I would prance around my Upper East Side apartment in adorned over-sized Jewels and perfectly beaded over-colorful-outfits! I mean who the Hell dresses like that at home? Better yet, who the Hell is comfortable in that stuff? I am siting there sipping my cheap chardonnay ready to throw it at the screen, if they mention one more of their over the top charity events! One of there obnoxious bustiers outfits; would pay the way for five children to eat for a year. LAME!
Well, I guess you are wondering what all this has to with Brutus? Well, one thing that I didn't mention yet was along with being casual at home, I am great neighbor. Along with picking up Brutus's enormous sized steamers, I am also aware of things outside my doorsteps. On this particular Saturday, nothing was different. Brutus was in his window squirrel watching and I was actually sadly to say, getting ready to go to a friends funeral. An already bad day in itself, I was rushing around to get ready and plan the day ahead. The only thing that I had on was: a small wife-beater, (see urban dictionary, old people) and a very small pair of hot pink short shorts. Yep, that's it. My girlfriend Jess was on the phone within minutes after what was just about to happen and can verify the amount of embarrassment, I was about to endure. Bru started barking and growling at this little dog in my driveway. A Jack Russell to be exact. A cute Frasier like dog that looked as if it was really lost. I sat there in the window for a bit but couldn't resist the desperate face of the lost pup. I carefully pushed Brutus aside and went out my front door. "Hey Little Guy!" I was cautious but him came right up to me. As soon as I was about to write the phone number from his Dior necklace, (no joke, I do live in Sarasota.) My bowling ball style of a dog comes barreling through my front door and racing for him. This is a jack Russell people, he is not a pile of lazy meat. AND THEY WERE OFF! Down my street crossing over Osprey Ave. And down three blocks. I start running after them screaming Brutus's name. The little shit actually stops, looks back at me and keeps going. Every thought of our training is running through my mind. I don't have a whistle, I don't have my trainer, I DONT HAVE ANY PANTIES ON! NOT TO MENTION A AM BRA-LESS!!!! NO JOKE! What is going on? It sounds funny now but during my chase I literally thought, I was going to see my dog get smashed right is front of me. They are now zig-zagging across the street and all the cars start to slow down. Thankfully, there is a little mexican lawn guy about a block in front of them. I am now yelling, "Make them stop. Stop them!!!! Stop looking at my bra-less tank and stop them!!" I quickly realize I don't know how to say "STOP!" in spanish, I realize at any point my boob could pop out, the right one, right in front of all these cars!! The dogs going whizzing right passed my little, No SPEAKA THE ENGLISH fellow and I am in screwed. I am still running in no shoes and no self-esteem, when Jack speeds up and Brutus Gives up. AHHH Thank God, My dog is a bulldog, Thank God he has no stamina. I get to him quickly and beat his butt right in front of all those cars. I then walk 7 blocks back to my house, Brutus, my shorts and tank. I am still braless bending over holding onto his collar because obviously didn't have time to grab a leash. I just hope my neighbors are as caring as me, I only hope they all wear bras.
I don't know about all my girl readers out there but when I am at home, I am strictly casual. After work, I cannot wait to strip off my work clothes and get into a mis-matched Tank and Shorts. Most pictures that I have of me at home in my old place with the boys, I am wearing Over-sized T-shirts and Girl style board shorts. There is probably not one picture of me from back in the day, that I am wearing something matching or "oh' come on and get me outfit at home!" Well, nothing has changed. I cannot stand having any kind of tight fitting tees or jeans on while sitting on the couch, catching up on a recent reality show. Speaking of Reality shows, the one show that I am guilty of watching is: The Real Housewives Series. Yes, I realize that it isn't really "real!" Though, the part that I have been honing on lately that really, really, isn't real is the way these woman dress at home. Come On! Money or not, I am pretty sure that I would prance around my Upper East Side apartment in adorned over-sized Jewels and perfectly beaded over-colorful-outfits! I mean who the Hell dresses like that at home? Better yet, who the Hell is comfortable in that stuff? I am siting there sipping my cheap chardonnay ready to throw it at the screen, if they mention one more of their over the top charity events! One of there obnoxious bustiers outfits; would pay the way for five children to eat for a year. LAME!
Well, I guess you are wondering what all this has to with Brutus? Well, one thing that I didn't mention yet was along with being casual at home, I am great neighbor. Along with picking up Brutus's enormous sized steamers, I am also aware of things outside my doorsteps. On this particular Saturday, nothing was different. Brutus was in his window squirrel watching and I was actually sadly to say, getting ready to go to a friends funeral. An already bad day in itself, I was rushing around to get ready and plan the day ahead. The only thing that I had on was: a small wife-beater, (see urban dictionary, old people) and a very small pair of hot pink short shorts. Yep, that's it. My girlfriend Jess was on the phone within minutes after what was just about to happen and can verify the amount of embarrassment, I was about to endure. Bru started barking and growling at this little dog in my driveway. A Jack Russell to be exact. A cute Frasier like dog that looked as if it was really lost. I sat there in the window for a bit but couldn't resist the desperate face of the lost pup. I carefully pushed Brutus aside and went out my front door. "Hey Little Guy!" I was cautious but him came right up to me. As soon as I was about to write the phone number from his Dior necklace, (no joke, I do live in Sarasota.) My bowling ball style of a dog comes barreling through my front door and racing for him. This is a jack Russell people, he is not a pile of lazy meat. AND THEY WERE OFF! Down my street crossing over Osprey Ave. And down three blocks. I start running after them screaming Brutus's name. The little shit actually stops, looks back at me and keeps going. Every thought of our training is running through my mind. I don't have a whistle, I don't have my trainer, I DONT HAVE ANY PANTIES ON! NOT TO MENTION A AM BRA-LESS!!!! NO JOKE! What is going on? It sounds funny now but during my chase I literally thought, I was going to see my dog get smashed right is front of me. They are now zig-zagging across the street and all the cars start to slow down. Thankfully, there is a little mexican lawn guy about a block in front of them. I am now yelling, "Make them stop. Stop them!!!! Stop looking at my bra-less tank and stop them!!" I quickly realize I don't know how to say "STOP!" in spanish, I realize at any point my boob could pop out, the right one, right in front of all these cars!! The dogs going whizzing right passed my little, No SPEAKA THE ENGLISH fellow and I am in screwed. I am still running in no shoes and no self-esteem, when Jack speeds up and Brutus Gives up. AHHH Thank God, My dog is a bulldog, Thank God he has no stamina. I get to him quickly and beat his butt right in front of all those cars. I then walk 7 blocks back to my house, Brutus, my shorts and tank. I am still braless bending over holding onto his collar because obviously didn't have time to grab a leash. I just hope my neighbors are as caring as me, I only hope they all wear bras.
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