Work Those Thighs!

Adventure #2 The Yoga Pants

Thursday Morning. Starbucks extra shot in hand. 65 pounds of pure power ready to work out! Yep setting out towards the bay. He twists and turns in and around my legs. It's as if I am on my own personal army workout course of obstacles. $400.00 plus dollars in personal training and this dog still pulls me with every jump of a lizard and any small smell of a some slutty female dog in the neighborhood. On a side note, what's the deal with dogs licking other dogs pee? Its gross. His tongue begins to quiver and ah, the smell I can only imagine. OK, back to the story. With an extra long phone call to Grandma and the pure adrenaline from my morning coffee, I soon realize someone is slowing down. The bay is beautiful as I approach... the Yoga Pants. These pants are ever so tightly and custom made for the tight ass that exists in them. Blond and toned, her 12 carrot diamond ring is blinding adorned, with a Bebe tank top plunging with store bought cleavage. She is beautiful as the bay as  I notice her perfectly trained dog walks directly besides her. I however, am in a grubby Cubs T-shirt circa '96 with slobber filled sweatpants, adorned with a  backwards hat. Brutus regains his strength and jolts right at them. They sniff each others butts, the dogs not us, and the Yoga Pants and I make small talk. We talk about what streets we live on she asks if I have any kids? I decline, nope just slobber face. She has four. Is about two years older them me, and her ass is medically tighter then mine.... Anyways she turns around back in our direction and Brutus is jumping and humping all over her well behaved canine. She laughs it off and seems to be actually pretty nice. Damn. We make our way passed her ginormous castle and I wave goodbye... YOGA PANTS!

Well I wish I could say that was the end of the story. We make a left and barely make it outside of her drive and Brutus conks out in the middle of Orange Ave. She still standing there and in lets her medically trained dog into the garage and comes over to my rescue. Brutus is panting and snorting. His tongue protruding 7 inches towards the hot pavement. I have three blocks to go and he's Done. Finished! Whipped out! We try everything. Talking in cute high voices. Showing him cookies to get his fat ass up. I pull on his collar practically choking him. Nope. Nada. Not gonna happen. So then, Miss Kinda Nice But Super Hot Yoga Pants offers to drive our fat asses home. I embarrassingly accept. Mortified I enter her deck out Lexus. Silver not a speak of dirt, I place my slobbery are you kidding me? Dog on my lap.  I am discussed and dumbfounded as we drive the 3 little blocks back to my rental.