Adventure #58 Marking My Territory
My bed has been absent for awhile in so many ways and I feel like I haven't slept well in two years. I have made a habit of falling asleep on my couch and between Real Housewives and random Internet searches, my sleep patterns have been horrible. There is some loyalty to all this though. My boyfriend Brutus is always right by my side ether wedged between me and the couch pillow or on the rug next to me. However lately, someone has been mad at me! If you have read the last post, you have discovered that Stella has gotten her groove back. With this "Stella" has also been absent! The constant at home all the time Mommy is no more! Here are just a few things I have been doing instead: Fishing, Kayaking, Paddle Boarding, Cooking, Running, Spinning, Laughing, Dating, Beaching, Bar-Hopping, Dancing and my personal favorite.. FLIRTING! All this doesn't take place on the couch or with Brutus.. and guess with all this someone isn't happy! Last night, I invited some good friends to watch sunset at a Tiki Bar and along with cocktails and a ton of laughter, I quickly lost track of time. I also extended this all into to dinner and an intimate Tee-Pee party at one of my girlfriend's houses. Yes. Yes. A real Tee-Pee. Well, falling into bed around 2 A.M. I discovered that I also had my own Pee... IN MY BED!!!!!!! The smell took over my face and I would describe it as a pungent, musky, manly scent. I would also describe it as I spent $200.00 on these Calvin Klein Sheet and Bed Set and $1700 on this bulldog...totalling a whopping $1900 for me to sleep back out on the couch for another night?????? This is unreal... This is F$#@$% UP!!!!!!!!!!! I realized it was a combination of things and a way that my English Bulldog with No Middle Finger... Just pretty much said F.U. Mom and spent the rest of his night in his crate! I spent the night again with re-runs of bitches that are bitching that there 7 carrot ring wasn't big enough and fell asleep counting pee-drops. """1,2,3,4, Pee Drops Keep Fallin on My Head...Doesn't Mean That I Wont Have Anyone Else in My Bed????"" Well.... it kinda does...So I Guess I Just Sleep at His House Instead!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OT1HCQcSHW0
Monday, March 19, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
STELLA GOT HER GROOVE BACK!
Adventure # 57 Changes be Coming!
The true definition of hibernation according to Urban Dictionary is The time period between the three, big, love holidays, Christmas, New Years Eve, and Valentines day. This is a time when men become relationship free, to avoid, gifts, dinners, and long term relationship commitments. Well, my holidays have seemed to blend into two whole years of the couch, takeout, wine and questions. Since December, I have lost 21 pounds and to put it simply.. Got My Groove Back! Yeah, Yeah I know that sounds like a movie from 10 years ago.. but I can honestly say I can feel it! I had a conversation with a long time friend a few weeks ago about change. OK OK not the Obama kind of change.. the subtle changes you make in daily life that can effect your overall attitude. I have stopped asking and waiting for someone to help me change and started just doing it myself. Well, how does this all pertain to Brutus you ask? Well, in Brutus's perspective... He is not into all this change! Of course he loves the extended park and play times but the other morning we had a serious roadblock during our early morning walk. It's something about a 7 A.M. walk, the nice spring Florida breeze and I was Jackhammering down Osprey Ave. after my triple latte... WE WERE OFF! Apparently, I did not inform Brutus that after a exceptional evening out with someone new... I was ready to take on the world! We go past our usual route, sticking to the crisscross cute back roads, we end up a little too far from home. I am on my 4th or 5th song of Adele and realize someone is over it! Instead of trying to turn this boat around.... my 65 pound English Bulldog ends up plopping right on the pavement and will not budge. I promise him with homemade cookies and water and after about 2 steps of the promised reward... he plops down again! Mommy might have her groove back but Brutus would rather be sitting on the couch watching Animal Planet. At this point, I am at least 6 blocks from my house. I grab his collar and guide him about 7 more steps, with much hesitation he smacks down again and makes a sound kind of like a ginormous raw egg hitting a buttery frying pan! This tired little guy is not going anywhere. Lifting weights and sweating out my frustrations lately gave me the complete confidence to pick this guy up and carry him all the way home. Yep, and that is just what I did. I have heard of this happening to owners of bulldogs before but always thinking shit wont even happen to me, I inside said to myself.. "You have got to be FING kidding me?" I started out holding just his front half and let his white chocolate, drum stick legs just dangling towards the ground. When the awkwardness grew more intense... I switched it up. Track 3 please! Rumor Has It by Adele. This song could not be more perfect! I put my right arm under his armpits and my left arm under his belly just shy of his overstuffed ball sack! Weight is evened out. Song is rocking, cars driving by most likely laughing their asses off! I carried my freaking bully all the way back to our house. Rumor Has It... Stella's Got Her Groove Back!
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bachelor%20hibernation
The true definition of hibernation according to Urban Dictionary is The time period between the three, big, love holidays, Christmas, New Years Eve, and Valentines day. This is a time when men become relationship free, to avoid, gifts, dinners, and long term relationship commitments. Well, my holidays have seemed to blend into two whole years of the couch, takeout, wine and questions. Since December, I have lost 21 pounds and to put it simply.. Got My Groove Back! Yeah, Yeah I know that sounds like a movie from 10 years ago.. but I can honestly say I can feel it! I had a conversation with a long time friend a few weeks ago about change. OK OK not the Obama kind of change.. the subtle changes you make in daily life that can effect your overall attitude. I have stopped asking and waiting for someone to help me change and started just doing it myself. Well, how does this all pertain to Brutus you ask? Well, in Brutus's perspective... He is not into all this change! Of course he loves the extended park and play times but the other morning we had a serious roadblock during our early morning walk. It's something about a 7 A.M. walk, the nice spring Florida breeze and I was Jackhammering down Osprey Ave. after my triple latte... WE WERE OFF! Apparently, I did not inform Brutus that after a exceptional evening out with someone new... I was ready to take on the world! We go past our usual route, sticking to the crisscross cute back roads, we end up a little too far from home. I am on my 4th or 5th song of Adele and realize someone is over it! Instead of trying to turn this boat around.... my 65 pound English Bulldog ends up plopping right on the pavement and will not budge. I promise him with homemade cookies and water and after about 2 steps of the promised reward... he plops down again! Mommy might have her groove back but Brutus would rather be sitting on the couch watching Animal Planet. At this point, I am at least 6 blocks from my house. I grab his collar and guide him about 7 more steps, with much hesitation he smacks down again and makes a sound kind of like a ginormous raw egg hitting a buttery frying pan! This tired little guy is not going anywhere. Lifting weights and sweating out my frustrations lately gave me the complete confidence to pick this guy up and carry him all the way home. Yep, and that is just what I did. I have heard of this happening to owners of bulldogs before but always thinking shit wont even happen to me, I inside said to myself.. "You have got to be FING kidding me?" I started out holding just his front half and let his white chocolate, drum stick legs just dangling towards the ground. When the awkwardness grew more intense... I switched it up. Track 3 please! Rumor Has It by Adele. This song could not be more perfect! I put my right arm under his armpits and my left arm under his belly just shy of his overstuffed ball sack! Weight is evened out. Song is rocking, cars driving by most likely laughing their asses off! I carried my freaking bully all the way back to our house. Rumor Has It... Stella's Got Her Groove Back!
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bachelor%20hibernation
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