Did I Ask For Your Advice?

Adventure #13 Unwanted Opinions  

It's March in Florida and that means one word... TOURISTS! Hey, don't get me wrong right from the jump. I like um. They pay my bills some months but it's the STUPID TOURISTS that I have a problem with. So they clog up the roads, wear shiny glitter-filled visors, they have license plates that say Maine, Maryland, Ohio and Wisconsin but they are all just here to get some sun and fun. Now, the stupid ones; don't know how to drive, think they own this town cause they drop $3,000 grand a week on some ridiculous floral invested condo. They pretend they don't know how to tip, they talk in funky accents and think that where they come from is the best. Ex.) Best Chowder, Best People, Best Sports Teams Best Life! If its so great then why are u here invading my shore with my dog on my day off? Today, I took Bru Crew to this little doggy inlet by Bird Key. If you have never been to this part of Florida, Bird Key is the spot for highly successful Realtors, semi-famous people and a butt load of money. What's funny is directly behind "Their Key," is a little dog park where dogs roam, pooping everywhere and people get it on at night time. I know this because on a daily trip I at least see 1 to 2 used condoms on our walk. Well, at least someones getting some in and around Bird Key, cause if you were to see the barely hanging in there over middle-aged men that live there; those are some Dockers that never get un-buttoned! Anyway, where was I going with this... Oh Yeah Brutus. Well we are there by the shore minding are own business when this lady with a bedazzled visor and a coral polo shirt on approaches. "Do you know that is Salt Water?" said the lady with the uglier then sin outfit on. Um... Excuse me? Ahhhh yeah. Pretty sure I know its salt water... "Well, I am just asking because your dog is drinking out of the ocean and that will make him sick!" Says the Croc wearing Tourist. Um, well Miss my dog enjoys licking the water because it is salty and he also licks the toilet seat so um yeah can't really stop him. "Well, I was just warning you cause if you didn't live here you are most likely unaware of these things." Says, the woman that should just mind her own business. Um Yeah, I live here. YEAR ROUND!!!!!!!! "Well, we live here too, December- April! Says the are you FING FOR REAL WOMAN! (insert what I should have said here) -YOU DON'T PAY TAXES, YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE WATER THE ROADS THE STYLE PAST 1990!!!! Well, thanks a lot says me, I can't make small talk with this lady anymore. Her husband is standing behind her with a obvious Cape Cod Sweatshirt on and guess what? Matches her coral polo perfectly. If I were to put money on it.. These two just got back from a sixty and over Rock concert of Kenny G! AH! SAVE ME!!!! I can smell the taste of "Hotel Soap and I Think I ate Real Grouper Last Night," as the husband approaches. "Where did you get that little monster?" Shouts the Man that wants out of this marriage, I can only hope. I got him from a breeder in Miami, says me I cant wait to get back to the Jeep. Her fake face makes a awkward frown as she says, "Well, you know that there are plenty of Bulldog Rescue Programs Available where we live." Shouts the lady that is clearly a nurse or a 4 year old based on the shoes that she is wearing. Really? says a frustrated dog charity giver me....Well, cool. Going to head back down the beach now...So I am now dragging Brutus down the sand, paws gripping to the shoreline and I begin to think he doesn't like her either... Let's go Brutus! Let them go back swan shaped towels and there P.O. Box Marked: Don't Deliver past April 13th and we will go back to our puppy mill.