Adventure #77 Give and Take
Most people in new relationships give and take quite a bit. If he likes motor sports you put on your "tough girl" gear and head out to the race track. If she likes girlie movies, he does his best and sits painfully through another.. oh wait they hate each other love story, but really they will miraculously end up together in 90 Mins or less Ashton Kutcher Typical Chic Flick. Though the question is: what happens when both parties start to forget their normal duties? I, have forgotten a lot of my normal once enjoyable daily duties. I haven't been running... and crossing my fingers with my hit or miss workouts haven't gained back much weight. (Thank God.) Though, things that I have been forgetting is my old boyfriend Brutus. Of course he gets fed, walked and loved daily but I have not been writing. I have not posted anything during the month of September but somehow I have gained readers! Maybe all the talk of Brutus's 21st Birthday Party Spread throughout the Internet?? Somehow, we have made it through another month together... me and Brutus and well the new guy. Brutus is always a daily challenge. Brutus's new thing comes in a pretty big and smelly package. The bed and bedroom is now gated and off-limits to Brutus. By my mistake this dog has slept every single night with me. Today, Bru is left out in the living room unattended and alone. He now has officially answered to this new situation in the morning with a perfectly placed steam pile saying, "F U MOM AND THIS SO CALLED NEW DADDY!" To best describe this, please in vision this...
The unwelcoming load is unbelievably smelly and "it resembles a dead mans corpse rotting away in its own feces accompanied with maggots of epic proportions throwing up over the dead man's corpse. GOT OK..MOVING ON.... THIS HAS TO STOP!!!! And between Google searches and BACK TO THE BASICS TRAINING... THIS DOG IS PISSED AND POOPING!! I'm asking my readers..any suggestions? Putting up a poll to the right.. You have one week to tell me what to do. We will be here waiting. Me, Bru, the new guy and the Steamer!
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Friday, August 31, 2012
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
DON'T LISTEN TO A WORD I SAY!
Adventure #76 Order a Big Meal To Fill You For a Lifetime!
"I would like to order this, with a side of this, minus that, add that but take out this!" Sound Familiar? We are talking about dinner out right? You know those people; maybe you are one of them. You like that certain mouth-watering item but suddenly you change your mind.. Everything is halted and then it's time to order! "I will have your famous Cobb Salad minus the chicken.. you can add the bacon but only crispy please... egg whites chopped and dressing on the side right?" (should you be writing this down)? You get your meal and because you ordered it exactly how you commanded it, you are suddenly surprised it didn't all come out the way you planned it.....
I sit here. In Bed as usual. The clock ticks. I went to bed at 12 and between Instagram, Chicago Sports News and Brutus's Snoring; Its Suddenly 2 am. I have officially used Brutus as My New IHOME Docking Station. He is laid out on his back, flaps flopping and has become the primary holder of all the technical portals at my disposal. He has an IPOD, and IPHONE and a Cordless IMOUSE on his chest. He doesn't seem to mind, he's been out for hours. I wish I could say the same. So.... My Question Tonight Is:
Do You Think Relationships are a minus this or an add that? Cause Looking around the last ten years or so, I feel that You Can Honestly... Just Take It Or You Leave It! I look at some of my friends, and I feel like they really wanted the Perfect Cobb Salad but the settled for a side dinner salad instead. To Each as Own as the all say. And Then I get Down On Myself For still being single, married-less, not-engaged ever, non-prego and wondering...
Do I Want TO Settle For Whats on The Menu? Or Do I Wait Around For a New Restaurant to Open?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>THIS SONG HAS BEEN ON MY SPOTIFY ENTITLED:
"CLUELESS DONUTS" FOR THREE MONTHS!!! CHECK IT OUT BELOW<<<<<<<<<<<<
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>THIS SONG HAS BEEN ON MY SPOTIFY ENTITLED:
"CLUELESS DONUTS" FOR THREE MONTHS!!! CHECK IT OUT BELOW<<<<<<<<<<<<
Friday, August 3, 2012
Smashed Baby Bliss?
Adventure #75 Forgetful Silliness
Brutus has a way a getting on to the bed. He sneaks and circles kinda like a shark does; slowly and patiently waiting to attack. When he pounces and finds his way, to his surprise there is another foreign object laying next to Mommy. Over the last now two and half years, this bed has been empty. As I have said before, I have barely slept in it. My long nights of Chinese and re runs on the couch have come to a close and finally I let someone real in. So, what now? Its been a month and I feel like I am on the verge of another guy telling me He's not good enough for me. So, what's so great about me? I forget to clean the toilet rings, pick up dirty laundry and have been even so lazy that getting up and filling Brutus's dog bowl feels like a climb up Mount Fuji! I also forget to throw out spoil milk, I barely buy groceries and I am pretty sure my gas tank is empty right now. So, I am left with questions and I am not sure if anyone out there can answer any of them? Here's three... Can somebody help me? Things are starting to get silly.
1. What is the point of all of this?
2. Why do we feel not complete being alone?
3. Is there anyway Brutus can wipe his butt.. cause I am pretty sure he left a foreign object hanging?
Song Below To My Surprise Has Now Come Out on The Terrible Thing We Call Top 40! I Knew It A Year Ago....:)
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ?
Brutus has a way a getting on to the bed. He sneaks and circles kinda like a shark does; slowly and patiently waiting to attack. When he pounces and finds his way, to his surprise there is another foreign object laying next to Mommy. Over the last now two and half years, this bed has been empty. As I have said before, I have barely slept in it. My long nights of Chinese and re runs on the couch have come to a close and finally I let someone real in. So, what now? Its been a month and I feel like I am on the verge of another guy telling me He's not good enough for me. So, what's so great about me? I forget to clean the toilet rings, pick up dirty laundry and have been even so lazy that getting up and filling Brutus's dog bowl feels like a climb up Mount Fuji! I also forget to throw out spoil milk, I barely buy groceries and I am pretty sure my gas tank is empty right now. So, I am left with questions and I am not sure if anyone out there can answer any of them? Here's three... Can somebody help me? Things are starting to get silly.
1. What is the point of all of this?
2. Why do we feel not complete being alone?
3. Is there anyway Brutus can wipe his butt.. cause I am pretty sure he left a foreign object hanging?
Song Below To My Surprise Has Now Come Out on The Terrible Thing We Call Top 40! I Knew It A Year Ago....:)
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ?
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
If You Lived Here. You Would Be Annoyed By Now!
Adventure #74 Extra Baggage?
>>>>>>>>>For Rent! Two Bed, One Bath, Old Florida Style House! Enjoy this and more with echo-filled walls and a non-draining bath tub! Immediate Special Move In Rate! In Search of New tenant that will aid help and relief from English Bulldog!<<<<<<
The person that lives here is on the brink of a plummeting off the Sunshine Sky Way Bridge if shit doesn't get in check! Being Single for as long as I Have, you develop some patterns that seem to go unnoticed when living by yourself. However, when someone new enters your comfortable surroundings things find a way of getting very aggravating. Picture A Long Day At Work followed by An Amazing Fajita Filled Dinner and a Movie on a Friends Couch. The New Prospect is Cuddled up around you and your belly and your attitude about things are finally complete. Though, between sips of my wine and the cute smiles from the new guy, you hear tiny shreds of glass breaking through the lanai. It's a burden and annoying. It resembles a screeching baby on an airplane, when not one part of you is Maternal. Or a Jitter Caffeine Filled Kid in line at the grocery store. YOUR HUNGOVER and the kid is running into the magazine rack and with his gummy filled finger tips is TOUCHING EVERYTHING! Including Your Cart! And Then There is Worse. There is Brutus. After Just twenty minutes of the movie, we head home into what should be a relaxing downplay of the night. This quickly turns into a terror of getting up and out of bed multiple times to organize a new strategy of calming the beast. I tried the crate with a bone, I tried the bathroom with a blanket, I tried the leashed tied to the table with the water, blanket and a toy. And then we (mine to date favorite maneuver) of relocating my dresser wedged as a barrier to the entrance of my bedroom. The beast is stirring, and between slams and whines underneath the bedroom door crack, the new guy makes known that now we are the ones locked up. We are caged in my own house, and getting a drink of water seems like a task for the Marine core! Things finally calm down in about an hour and lets just say my patience isn't the only thing being put to rest tonight. The New Guy Is More Irritated then I can imagine and I am just taking in the irony of the whole thing. Brutus Imagined it was always just gonna be me and him.... If I Don't get this crap picked up, he just might be right!
>>>>>>>>>For Rent! Two Bed, One Bath, Old Florida Style House! Enjoy this and more with echo-filled walls and a non-draining bath tub! Immediate Special Move In Rate! In Search of New tenant that will aid help and relief from English Bulldog!<<<<<<
The person that lives here is on the brink of a plummeting off the Sunshine Sky Way Bridge if shit doesn't get in check! Being Single for as long as I Have, you develop some patterns that seem to go unnoticed when living by yourself. However, when someone new enters your comfortable surroundings things find a way of getting very aggravating. Picture A Long Day At Work followed by An Amazing Fajita Filled Dinner and a Movie on a Friends Couch. The New Prospect is Cuddled up around you and your belly and your attitude about things are finally complete. Though, between sips of my wine and the cute smiles from the new guy, you hear tiny shreds of glass breaking through the lanai. It's a burden and annoying. It resembles a screeching baby on an airplane, when not one part of you is Maternal. Or a Jitter Caffeine Filled Kid in line at the grocery store. YOUR HUNGOVER and the kid is running into the magazine rack and with his gummy filled finger tips is TOUCHING EVERYTHING! Including Your Cart! And Then There is Worse. There is Brutus. After Just twenty minutes of the movie, we head home into what should be a relaxing downplay of the night. This quickly turns into a terror of getting up and out of bed multiple times to organize a new strategy of calming the beast. I tried the crate with a bone, I tried the bathroom with a blanket, I tried the leashed tied to the table with the water, blanket and a toy. And then we (mine to date favorite maneuver) of relocating my dresser wedged as a barrier to the entrance of my bedroom. The beast is stirring, and between slams and whines underneath the bedroom door crack, the new guy makes known that now we are the ones locked up. We are caged in my own house, and getting a drink of water seems like a task for the Marine core! Things finally calm down in about an hour and lets just say my patience isn't the only thing being put to rest tonight. The New Guy Is More Irritated then I can imagine and I am just taking in the irony of the whole thing. Brutus Imagined it was always just gonna be me and him.... If I Don't get this crap picked up, he just might be right!
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Run Away Egg Sand Which
Adventure #73 A Breakfast Of Champions?
Just finished the weekend with my best of friends, cocktails, keg stands and a shark watermelon. A month ago, I envision this weekend umm just slightly different. How so? Well, I never conceived making breakfast for "a sorta, kinda x," and "a fun easy breezy new guy." Yep, Picture this: Freshly showered and reclaiming our stubble steps from the night before; a slightly tired birthday boy comes rolling up into the kitchen. Me, being the nice "let's take the high road" invited him into a breakfast sandwich and some slight awkwardness. There sits the shirtless new guy and the hairy surfer dude side-by-side. I am crouched behind the fridge as I lock eyes with my best friend and realize HOLY CRAP WE ARE ACTUALLY DOING THIS!?? If neither of them realized who each other was.. I guess we are in luck.. But how could at least one of them not? Tracing my steps from the night before of hand-holding, soft kisses and some ass grabbing... the hairy one is absolutely stoned and clueless to the fact that I did exactly what I said I was gonna do. "I'm Moving On!" So, I played nice and crept a steep mountain of amenity, smiled and moved forward. Guys are different. They don't talk shit about each other shoes, outfits or hairstyles. For all I know, neither of them was even thinking about me! Though, if I were to ever my own restaurant one day, I would call this menu item: 1 egg with a side of X. I don't know how many of you have seen Sex in the City? But I will refer to one episode when Miranda is glowing about her new relationship with the handsome Doctor Robert. She feels a little guilty that Steve is still a bit of a bum and single. The girls are all at breakfast, when Samantha says very pointedly: "YOU WON!" Minus the Sex and the Bloody Tampon Nose, I guess that solves the problem how they are all gonna meet! I now can check that off my list! If its not a competition... then we can just call it:
NO CONTEST!
>>>>>>CHECK OUT THE SEX IN THE CITY SCENE LINK BELOW<<<<<<<<
Just finished the weekend with my best of friends, cocktails, keg stands and a shark watermelon. A month ago, I envision this weekend umm just slightly different. How so? Well, I never conceived making breakfast for "a sorta, kinda x," and "a fun easy breezy new guy." Yep, Picture this: Freshly showered and reclaiming our stubble steps from the night before; a slightly tired birthday boy comes rolling up into the kitchen. Me, being the nice "let's take the high road" invited him into a breakfast sandwich and some slight awkwardness. There sits the shirtless new guy and the hairy surfer dude side-by-side. I am crouched behind the fridge as I lock eyes with my best friend and realize HOLY CRAP WE ARE ACTUALLY DOING THIS!?? If neither of them realized who each other was.. I guess we are in luck.. But how could at least one of them not? Tracing my steps from the night before of hand-holding, soft kisses and some ass grabbing... the hairy one is absolutely stoned and clueless to the fact that I did exactly what I said I was gonna do. "I'm Moving On!" So, I played nice and crept a steep mountain of amenity, smiled and moved forward. Guys are different. They don't talk shit about each other shoes, outfits or hairstyles. For all I know, neither of them was even thinking about me! Though, if I were to ever my own restaurant one day, I would call this menu item: 1 egg with a side of X. I don't know how many of you have seen Sex in the City? But I will refer to one episode when Miranda is glowing about her new relationship with the handsome Doctor Robert. She feels a little guilty that Steve is still a bit of a bum and single. The girls are all at breakfast, when Samantha says very pointedly: "YOU WON!" Minus the Sex and the Bloody Tampon Nose, I guess that solves the problem how they are all gonna meet! I now can check that off my list! If its not a competition... then we can just call it:
NO CONTEST!
>>>>>>CHECK OUT THE SEX IN THE CITY SCENE LINK BELOW<<<<<<<<
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Wide Awake Wake Up Call
Adventure # 72 Just One Of Them Days...
Letting Go Is Something I am certainly not known for and A lot can happen in a week. A lot can happen in 5 mins. Over the last few days, I have discovered that nothing is certain. Instead of complaining about the vices, miss steps and poop piles.... I am just gonna breathe. It took me a long time to let everything go, accept what cards I was dealt and picked up the pieces. Bru has been a true happiness in my life and I really can't take anything back... I think its best sometimes to just go with the flow and STOP ANALYZING EVERYTHING! A friend a long time ago told me never let anyone live in your head Rent Free! I love that saying, but hardly ever obey by it. I went out on The 4th Of July Very apprehensive as to what to expect. Some people (mostly couples) would argue with me that 4th of July is Not a "Couple Kind of Holiday." Sorry, but I beg to differ. Name one Holiday that really isn't? Here is what I pictured: 3 sets of couples, all holding hands, the famous ahh lets lean on my boyfriend's chest and take in all the oooohhhhhsss and ahhhhhhhhhhhhs. Then there's me and my wet, anxious meat muscle adorned with glow sticks, some Miller Lights and the feeling of vulnerability, that comes from a mid summer wish that just didn't happen. And Here's What Happened: Noticed a Guy's Back Of All Things, smiled and went on my merry way. Ended up running into his back a few bars down the road and proceeded to flirt my freaking face off in hopes of finding my own little firecracker! LOL Well.. Something Clicked so We Proceeded On Our Own Little Adventure for the next 36 hours. Countless Smiles, Bars, Friends, Exercise Challenges, Sushi Rolls and Crazy Scenarios came about in the following days... One Being Kicked out of a Popular Pool in Town, breaking a glass window to get into my house, a complete Brutus Dominance Challenge and Yelling at 2 Pig Face Rent-A-Cops where just a few highlights of the weekend. Though for some reason, even with all this crazy chaos... we were both able to even each other out! For Some reason, I am actually just going with it. Not Gonna Analyze, not gonna Question and I am gonna be quiet... Hell I Shouldn't Even Being Bloging about This??? Copy, Paste, Print, Delete or Save For Later?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>song below is totally an inside joke<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
so classic!
Letting Go Is Something I am certainly not known for and A lot can happen in a week. A lot can happen in 5 mins. Over the last few days, I have discovered that nothing is certain. Instead of complaining about the vices, miss steps and poop piles.... I am just gonna breathe. It took me a long time to let everything go, accept what cards I was dealt and picked up the pieces. Bru has been a true happiness in my life and I really can't take anything back... I think its best sometimes to just go with the flow and STOP ANALYZING EVERYTHING! A friend a long time ago told me never let anyone live in your head Rent Free! I love that saying, but hardly ever obey by it. I went out on The 4th Of July Very apprehensive as to what to expect. Some people (mostly couples) would argue with me that 4th of July is Not a "Couple Kind of Holiday." Sorry, but I beg to differ. Name one Holiday that really isn't? Here is what I pictured: 3 sets of couples, all holding hands, the famous ahh lets lean on my boyfriend's chest and take in all the oooohhhhhsss and ahhhhhhhhhhhhs. Then there's me and my wet, anxious meat muscle adorned with glow sticks, some Miller Lights and the feeling of vulnerability, that comes from a mid summer wish that just didn't happen. And Here's What Happened: Noticed a Guy's Back Of All Things, smiled and went on my merry way. Ended up running into his back a few bars down the road and proceeded to flirt my freaking face off in hopes of finding my own little firecracker! LOL Well.. Something Clicked so We Proceeded On Our Own Little Adventure for the next 36 hours. Countless Smiles, Bars, Friends, Exercise Challenges, Sushi Rolls and Crazy Scenarios came about in the following days... One Being Kicked out of a Popular Pool in Town, breaking a glass window to get into my house, a complete Brutus Dominance Challenge and Yelling at 2 Pig Face Rent-A-Cops where just a few highlights of the weekend. Though for some reason, even with all this crazy chaos... we were both able to even each other out! For Some reason, I am actually just going with it. Not Gonna Analyze, not gonna Question and I am gonna be quiet... Hell I Shouldn't Even Being Bloging about This??? Copy, Paste, Print, Delete or Save For Later?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>song below is totally an inside joke<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
so classic!
Monday, July 2, 2012
Bru's Top Ten
Adventure #71 Rules To Live By
Brutus is sitting here and doesn't understand why I look so confused? So, being a "guy" and a "fixer" its time to just make everything clear, he has given me two lists to live by. One For Girls and One For Boys. Everything will be decided now based on these lists. If the girl doesn't fit into this list? Get Rid of her and quickly. (same goes for the boys.) Here Goes. Thanks Brutus!
Boys: Red Flags, Warning Signs and Gut Instincts
1. Dont Let Her Talk Down To You... Ever.
2. Make Sure She Takes Care of Herself... Who Wants To Kiss a Girl That barely shaves, doesn't brush her teeth or never works out?
3. Make Sure She Says Thank You. Even Its Something Small. She can Never say it enough.
4. Cross Your Fingers She Is A Giver. (in all ways.)
5. She has to know how to make the perfect 20 minute dinner. After a long day, do u really wanna do anything? A Comfort Filled Dinner and a Little Sports Center Never hurt anyone!
6. Make sure she is not cheering for your team, or drinking your drink just cause you do. The Girl at this point should already know who she is. If you cant tell.. go through her closet. If She has a Ohio State Sweatshirt, a pair of Gators Boxers, a Yankees Hat and a Red Sox's Thong.... Most Likely This Girl Doesn't Have a clue!
7. She Must Love Animals
8. Never, Ever Does She Pee In front of you!
9. She Doesn't go through your drawers, emails, Facebook or mobile! EVER!
10. Out in Public You Have NO Worry That She is Not With YOU!
Girls: Red Flags, Warning Signs and Gut Instincts
1. He Opens Car Doors.
2. He Listens.
3. He Offers Up His last Bite.
4. He Helps You off The couch, onto a boat and Into The Car.
5. He Must Love Animals.
6. He wants To find an answer when there is an arguement. Real Couples and Real Adults Find a Resolution and Want To Make Things Right!
7. He Likes to teach you things and doesn't get frustrated when you don't
do that well. Come on there is nothing Hotter then seeing his face when you do throw that perfect spiral!
8. He Likes Your Girlie panties, heartbreak movies and fluffy blanket. You even caught him singing on your ipod, playlist titled: My Pinkie PMS Playlist.
9. He's not a baby. He's not a Girl. He's confident and manly. He knows who he is and he is not scared to Show It All to You!
10. Out in Public You Have NO Worry That HE is Not With YOU!
The last few weeks have been a ferris wheel of emotions. I am putting them all to rest and remembering there are plenty of other rides and I Gotta a lot more tickets!
* song..... Call It What You Want! check it out below!
Yeah we're locked up in ideas
We like to label everything
Well I'm just gonna do here what I gotta do here
'Cause I gotta keep myself free
You're ducking and moving just to hide your bruises from all your enemies
And I'm in the crossfire dodging bullets from your expectancies
We've got nothing to lose
You better run and hide
Yeah you've crossed the line
I've got a knife behind my back (just sayin')
We've got nothing to prove
Your social guides give you swollen eyes
But what I've got can't be bought so you can just....
We like to label everything
Well I'm just gonna do here what I gotta do here
'Cause I gotta keep myself free
You're ducking and moving just to hide your bruises from all your enemies
And I'm in the crossfire dodging bullets from your expectancies
We've got nothing to lose
You better run and hide
Yeah you've crossed the line
I've got a knife behind my back (just sayin')
We've got nothing to prove
Your social guides give you swollen eyes
But what I've got can't be bought so you can just....
Sunday, June 24, 2012
See-Saw?
Adventure #70 Finding My Own Wonderland.
Crystal skies, beautiful beaches, suntanned lines and sunsets. Yep. That's where I used to live... four days ago. Tropical Storm Debby with a "Y" has entered our Florida beaches and the Florida Local's patience. Even though he is English, Brutus is local and hating life! He is curled up currently on his Cubs blanket anticipating the Cubbies next big one in a row and his next trip to the playground? The streets are flooded and them as well as me are over pouring. Why has my patience grown so thin?
Got The courage to brave the entire three block walk with the Bru this afternoon. What the Hell is with Dogs refusing to poop when it's raining? Well, when the rain turned into downpour and each sniff turned into my umbrella flipping inside out and my vision of my after-work Miller Light was now as far away as my next "real relationship!" Flipping into a conversation with my friend Court and I today... Have ya ever ever heard of John Mayer? Yeah he's a little old school but this guy has got it all right! Have you ever heard of a late afternoon visual fantasy to pass the time? OK well here goes... (picture this): A clean, crisp all white modern bedroom. Its Raining T.S. Debby Style and the windows are opened and blowing your perfect crispy, white, see-through curtains all over your room. Then, the breeze slowly opens up John Mayer's completely ironed, button up, but buttoned down white shirt. His fingers play softly and all he is thinking about is YOU! The music is completely intoxicating and somehow even as a girl, you are able to SHUT UP and TAKE IT ALL IN! You don't have to question anything, J. Mayer is in your bedroom and somehow is giving you all the right answers. For Some reason, you actually believe that "Your Body Is a Wonderland." And just as you are about to strum your own cord you quickly open your eyes and realize he is not "Standing in Your Atmosphere!" He's an actual Guy. The fantasy doesn't exist. You have officially entered the playground of life and You're on the See-Saw. He's Up. Your Down. Somehow you can never just balance it all out. It's Raining and you decide to leave the playground again. Your Awakened self realizes it's time to just step over the puddle, carry on but watch your step cause the Your Dog Finally Took A Poo!
Check Out This Oldie Song.....It pretty Much Sums it Up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSEYOpI985s&feature=related
Crystal skies, beautiful beaches, suntanned lines and sunsets. Yep. That's where I used to live... four days ago. Tropical Storm Debby with a "Y" has entered our Florida beaches and the Florida Local's patience. Even though he is English, Brutus is local and hating life! He is curled up currently on his Cubs blanket anticipating the Cubbies next big one in a row and his next trip to the playground? The streets are flooded and them as well as me are over pouring. Why has my patience grown so thin?
Got The courage to brave the entire three block walk with the Bru this afternoon. What the Hell is with Dogs refusing to poop when it's raining? Well, when the rain turned into downpour and each sniff turned into my umbrella flipping inside out and my vision of my after-work Miller Light was now as far away as my next "real relationship!" Flipping into a conversation with my friend Court and I today... Have ya ever ever heard of John Mayer? Yeah he's a little old school but this guy has got it all right! Have you ever heard of a late afternoon visual fantasy to pass the time? OK well here goes... (picture this): A clean, crisp all white modern bedroom. Its Raining T.S. Debby Style and the windows are opened and blowing your perfect crispy, white, see-through curtains all over your room. Then, the breeze slowly opens up John Mayer's completely ironed, button up, but buttoned down white shirt. His fingers play softly and all he is thinking about is YOU! The music is completely intoxicating and somehow even as a girl, you are able to SHUT UP and TAKE IT ALL IN! You don't have to question anything, J. Mayer is in your bedroom and somehow is giving you all the right answers. For Some reason, you actually believe that "Your Body Is a Wonderland." And just as you are about to strum your own cord you quickly open your eyes and realize he is not "Standing in Your Atmosphere!" He's an actual Guy. The fantasy doesn't exist. You have officially entered the playground of life and You're on the See-Saw. He's Up. Your Down. Somehow you can never just balance it all out. It's Raining and you decide to leave the playground again. Your Awakened self realizes it's time to just step over the puddle, carry on but watch your step cause the Your Dog Finally Took A Poo!
Check Out This Oldie Song.....It pretty Much Sums it Up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSEYOpI985s&feature=related
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
What Goes Down. Must Come Back Up!
Adventure #69 Don't Drink The Tequila!
When I say that I cannot make this shit up.... PEOPLE I mean It! Over the last few months, I have dated a bunch of donuts. I said to myself.. get back out there...live again and try on a few for size. Well, being on a pretty low fat diet, I once again should have listen to my old, love handles. They used to be pretty spot on about everything. My old instincts were high and my "guydar" was an exact match! After an extended period of drought (fill in the blanks), I chugged back some questionable tequila without hesitation. If you have read one of my most popular posts "Mr. Tequila" Adventure #59 My Live-In Cock Blocker, you would have first met "Mr. Tequila!" I don't need to go there; we all know what happened. But what is so funny is what happens next. Yep... Lets Just list what I was told.
(SPOKEN LIKE A LOSER)
1. Yo. I'M moving to Colorado.
2. Babe. I'M gonna make some killer money.
3. Hey. Its the Family Business.
4. Check It. I Will Back In December.
5. Yo. I wanna Take you Somewhere Tropical.
Here is What I Was Telling Myself.
1. I'M Not Into You!
2. I Don't Care.
3. Have Fun. Good Luck.
4. OK. Whatever.
5. I will Believe it when I get my Plane Ticket.
So weeks and weeks went by. I have lived my life and really not thought about "Mr. Colorado" too much. Until... DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! (drum roll please)?
A close friend called and told me her new boy got some important information....
(Spoken like a cliche Black Girl) GIRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLL U GOTTTTAAA HEEEEEEAAAAAAARRRRRR ABOUT THIS SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIITTT!!!!???
SO I listened. "I heard!" I let my fingers do the research and discovered "Mr. Colorado" instead of being a ton of States away, was actually less then a mile from my house. And homeboy wasn't chilling in Sarasota on the beach... homeboy was cuddled up next to "Bruce" another fellow Sarasota County Inmate!!!! "Mr. Tequila" was as dry as ever and is now living behind bars without bond until Dec. 2012! There Was No Colorado. No Job. No Money. No Plane Ticket. No Ride. Just Lies. I guess If I was actually into him... it would hurt more. I am more pissed that I was completely lied too. I can't believe it took me over a month in this town to find out! It would give me great pleasure to show you his picture but something tells me I would loose my blog because of that. I guess we are back to where It started... YOU CANT LOOSE SOMETHING YOU NEVER KNEW WAS EVEN MISSING!
*** for all my friends here's the link... you know the name.
PS Brutus is So Pissed He Has No Comment!
Sunday, June 17, 2012
My Sweet Heart
Adventure #68 I've Been Trying To Do It Right!
Had the perfect weekend with my Brutus Beefcake. Its Sunday Night, he is asleep at my tanned toes. I know this because he is snoring and I can feel his hot breath at my feet. He is still tired from his Saturday night of bar hopping with my best friends. Didn't know he was also an avid shuffle board player? I didn't know that Margarita Pizza crust made farts that smell like a dead grandma left out in the Florida heat in her rocking chair? Didn't know that after 5 hrs. this dog still had the energy to conquer a full size keg and make it his bitch/bar stool? Didn't know a lot of things until this weekend. Didn't know you could be thinking about somebody you just started hanging out with? I spent the evening summing up some stories with a friend, downloaded some new itunes and watch a little baseball. Nothing is really new. No News is good news.. correct? With that and keeping our toes crossed... I leave you with a new added song... Video Below To Follow!
"Ho Hey" By The Lumineers
Had the perfect weekend with my Brutus Beefcake. Its Sunday Night, he is asleep at my tanned toes. I know this because he is snoring and I can feel his hot breath at my feet. He is still tired from his Saturday night of bar hopping with my best friends. Didn't know he was also an avid shuffle board player? I didn't know that Margarita Pizza crust made farts that smell like a dead grandma left out in the Florida heat in her rocking chair? Didn't know that after 5 hrs. this dog still had the energy to conquer a full size keg and make it his bitch/bar stool? Didn't know a lot of things until this weekend. Didn't know you could be thinking about somebody you just started hanging out with? I spent the evening summing up some stories with a friend, downloaded some new itunes and watch a little baseball. Nothing is really new. No News is good news.. correct? With that and keeping our toes crossed... I leave you with a new added song... Video Below To Follow!
"Ho Hey" By The Lumineers
(Ho!) I've been trying to do it right
(Hey!) I've been living a lonely life
(Ho!) I've been sleeping here instead
(Hey!)I've been sleeping in my bed,
(Ho!) I've been sleeping in my bed (Hey!)
(Ho!) So show me family
(Hey!) All the blood that I would bleed
(Ho!) I don't know where I belong
(Hey!) I don't know where I went wrong
(Ho!) But I can write a song (Hey!)
1,2,3 I belong with you, you belong with me you're my sweetheart
I belong with you, you belong with me you're my sweet (Ho!)
(ho!) I don't think you're right for him
(hey!) Look at what it might have been if you
(ho!) Took the bus to china town
(hey!) I've been standing on Canal
(ho!) And Bowery (hey!)
(ho!) And she'd be standing next to me (hey!)
1,2,3 I belong with you you belong with me you're my sweet heart
I belong with you, you belong with me you're my sweet heart
And love we need is now
Let's hope for some
Cause oh, we're bleeding out
I belong with you you belong with me you're my sweet heart
I belong with you you belong with me you're my sweet (Ho!)
(Hey!) I've been living a lonely life
(Ho!) I've been sleeping here instead
(Hey!)I've been sleeping in my bed,
(Ho!) I've been sleeping in my bed (Hey!)
(Ho!) So show me family
(Hey!) All the blood that I would bleed
(Ho!) I don't know where I belong
(Hey!) I don't know where I went wrong
(Ho!) But I can write a song (Hey!)
1,2,3 I belong with you, you belong with me you're my sweetheart
I belong with you, you belong with me you're my sweet (Ho!)
(ho!) I don't think you're right for him
(hey!) Look at what it might have been if you
(ho!) Took the bus to china town
(hey!) I've been standing on Canal
(ho!) And Bowery (hey!)
(ho!) And she'd be standing next to me (hey!)
1,2,3 I belong with you you belong with me you're my sweet heart
I belong with you, you belong with me you're my sweet heart
And love we need is now
Let's hope for some
Cause oh, we're bleeding out
I belong with you you belong with me you're my sweet heart
I belong with you you belong with me you're my sweet (Ho!)
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Sleep Patterns
Adventure #67 Finding The Right Side Of The Bed...
I think its overrated. His Side, My Side, Our Side and Hairy Side... Most couples have their side of the bed.. we as humans like formality, we like things just the way they should be. Have you ever went into a meeting, taken a mini break and even though you did not leave anything in your seat, you return once again back to the same spot? Well, the same goes for beds too. I used to think the guy should sleep closest to the door... why you ask? Because if a robber, a bulldog or the monster under the bed comes raging at you in the middle of night, the guy should be there to serve and protect you... right? The Same goes for walking down a sidewalk. I was taught by my Grandpa that men walk on the outside, closest to the cars... and "boys who hesitate to do so are worth risking your own life and running to the other side of the street!" ANYONE OUT THERE THINK THIS IS TRUE??? Well.. back to Beds. My bed, no matter how many times I wash the sheets or scrub Brutus's Smelly Toys: NEVER feels clean! Currently in my bed I have: a Black Berry, 7 pillows, 170000 dOg hairs, slobber, A DIRTY KIDS CUBS TSHIRT, one doggy baseball, one turtle humping toy (for Bru), the book 50 Shades of Gray, a Mac Lap Top, a 65 pound Snoring English Bulldog and well oh yeah me.... Its 2 AM.. I will be up in 5 hours and I am wanting to reach for the phone, a glass of wine or my semi-soft porn book! I have lost the idea of caring what side of the bed is the right side... how bout the fact that I would settle for the bottom, the top, the left or the floor at this point! My dog has literally interrupted my make out life and has now interrupted my sleep. Though, I am thinking there is no correct side of bed.... I would just like to be a participant in someones! HEE HEE!!!!
GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE..... sleep tight. Love this song so much!!! CHECK IT OUT BELOW!
>>>>>>>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kiQppszlXrg&feature=related
>>>>>>>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kiQppszlXrg&feature=related
Monday, May 28, 2012
Bermuda Triangle
Adventure #66 Easy Breezy Blvd?
Brutus is really good at telling me what he wants in little ways without speaking. He licks my feet when I get back from running, I think that means he misses Mommy. He Sits by the front door when he wants to hit up Legends Pub for some suds and hes been known to actually paw at his bowl when hes hungry. But what does he do when he gets mad at me? Well nothing. He never gets mad. He loves his life and I am pretty sure hes got it good. Its Just his Mommy lately that has it all wrong. Went to His Old Daddy's new Bar the other day and I was literally standing in a Bermuda Triangle of Failed Past "Relationships." To My Right, There was the main one who I knew I would see and I'm cool with that. No worries doesn't even phase me. And then to my left was that grey haired guy that ineverwantedhimtocallmeagainbutthenhedidntcallmeagainandiwaslikewtfiswrongwithmewheniwasntevenintohim.com anyone else know that site? Its a busy site for thirty some singles. Well, anyway it was weird. Like Really Weird. So standing directly in front of me was my mouth in a way I haven't seen ever. See, I drank the night before as well.. and instead of shutting my mouth, I let it run free down Highway of What Are We? And What is This? I should I have traveled down Easy Breezy Blvd. instead of asking questions to answers that I don't really care to know about right now...
FML AVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I guzzled down a few Miller Lights, showed face, kissed babies and proceeded on ward down the street. The only thing is I couldn't really enjoy myself at a Luau Party of all Places because I was Dwelling on Worry Lane. Worrying is the Worst! I was talking to a regular customer at my work tonight and he proceeded to tell me that boys are easy, they are pretty black and white. If you cant tell it less then 8 words... DON'T! Easy, Breezy and to the point! Simple, Plain and Short. (Kinda like The grey haired guys personality!) HA HA. So, I did and I have decided to Listen to Brutus... Keep it Light. Keep it Simple. Don't Get Mad and Not enjoy Life. I do have it good... Now If I can just learn my lesson and SHUTMYFINGMOUTH.edu
Wish This Song Said: Shut Your Mouth but It Will Do For Tonight!
And when the worrying starts to hurt
and the world feels like graves of dirt
Just close your eyes until
you can imagine this place, yeah, our secret space at will
Brutus is really good at telling me what he wants in little ways without speaking. He licks my feet when I get back from running, I think that means he misses Mommy. He Sits by the front door when he wants to hit up Legends Pub for some suds and hes been known to actually paw at his bowl when hes hungry. But what does he do when he gets mad at me? Well nothing. He never gets mad. He loves his life and I am pretty sure hes got it good. Its Just his Mommy lately that has it all wrong. Went to His Old Daddy's new Bar the other day and I was literally standing in a Bermuda Triangle of Failed Past "Relationships." To My Right, There was the main one who I knew I would see and I'm cool with that. No worries doesn't even phase me. And then to my left was that grey haired guy that ineverwantedhimtocallmeagainbutthenhedidntcallmeagainandiwaslikewtfiswrongwithmewheniwasntevenintohim.com anyone else know that site? Its a busy site for thirty some singles. Well, anyway it was weird. Like Really Weird. So standing directly in front of me was my mouth in a way I haven't seen ever. See, I drank the night before as well.. and instead of shutting my mouth, I let it run free down Highway of What Are We? And What is This? I should I have traveled down Easy Breezy Blvd. instead of asking questions to answers that I don't really care to know about right now...
FML AVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I guzzled down a few Miller Lights, showed face, kissed babies and proceeded on ward down the street. The only thing is I couldn't really enjoy myself at a Luau Party of all Places because I was Dwelling on Worry Lane. Worrying is the Worst! I was talking to a regular customer at my work tonight and he proceeded to tell me that boys are easy, they are pretty black and white. If you cant tell it less then 8 words... DON'T! Easy, Breezy and to the point! Simple, Plain and Short. (Kinda like The grey haired guys personality!) HA HA. So, I did and I have decided to Listen to Brutus... Keep it Light. Keep it Simple. Don't Get Mad and Not enjoy Life. I do have it good... Now If I can just learn my lesson and SHUTMYFINGMOUTH.edu
Wish This Song Said: Shut Your Mouth but It Will Do For Tonight!
And when the worrying starts to hurt
and the world feels like graves of dirt
Just close your eyes until
you can imagine this place, yeah, our secret space at will
Friday, May 25, 2012
Do I Need A Rescue?
Adventure # 65 Mapping Out A New Path
2 Years. 2 Months and Countless Glasses of Wine. It officially feels like Summer and I am officially still single. Its hot and so are the locals. I finished a book at the dog park yesterday with My Boyfriend Brutus and between licks, sweat and my last chapter... "Finally Over Him.". I realized I am. I am covered in kisses and they are not just from Brutus anymore and I cant believe that it took me two years to finish this book. (ha ha) I have enclosed a link to this once embarrassing purchase from Barnes and Noble for any people out there searching through there own messes: "The Ultimate Survival Guide to getting Revenge and Finally Getting Over What's His Name!" The last Chapter is my favorite and now that I have become advocate for forgetting about what's his name, I was able to shake my girlfriend last night of her own worries. The Chapter is Titled: Have No Fear
"Don't let your fears cripple you. Most of the time what we fear never comes to pass. Many times our fears are exaggerated. The more we worry, the bigger and the worse the fear or hurdle seems."
2 Years. 2 Months and Countless Glasses of Wine. It officially feels like Summer and I am officially still single. Its hot and so are the locals. I finished a book at the dog park yesterday with My Boyfriend Brutus and between licks, sweat and my last chapter... "Finally Over Him.". I realized I am. I am covered in kisses and they are not just from Brutus anymore and I cant believe that it took me two years to finish this book. (ha ha) I have enclosed a link to this once embarrassing purchase from Barnes and Noble for any people out there searching through there own messes: "The Ultimate Survival Guide to getting Revenge and Finally Getting Over What's His Name!" The last Chapter is my favorite and now that I have become advocate for forgetting about what's his name, I was able to shake my girlfriend last night of her own worries. The Chapter is Titled: Have No Fear
See. It Took Me a Freaking Long Time To Get Here. I once had a plan, a sketch a someone and that someone just stopped trying. I was pissed. I was Confused. I am officially letting it go. This book made me realize that there is a chance that as lame as it is... "There Are Other fish in the Sea!" 6 months ago... I would never wanted to go back into the water and I most certainly wasn't ready to fish again. Funny enough... letting go and letting myself back in; I realized instead of sweating about what's his name I will sweat it out with someone else. What's even funnier is that there is a chance I could even get an upgrade!
If I could say anything to my friend that is covered in mental sludge from her own what's his name... I would say: Make a list of the things that you disliked or annoyed you about your ex. This will help stop you idolizing him. And this is the best part!!! Here are three of mine and this should help!
1. I hate that You kiss like a wet noodle... I could barely feel your lips.
2. I hate that you put ketchup on my four hour dinner I just made.
3. I hate that you think wearing sweat pants is appropriate on a dinner date. ---------
ahhhhhhhh Now That feels Nice... Yep.... I am back in the water and waiting to be rescued.
PS Check Out This Song.... It's Brutus's New Fav!!!
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Destination Unknown
Adventure #64 Do You Know The Way To Mystery Island?
Yep. It's Wedding season. And with that added stress of finding a date and buying that perfect dress it's finally coming to a close. The dress = Perfect. The Shoes = more then perfect. And my date? Well you can never go wrong with your best guy friend... Jimmy! I guess we did the normal date thing you can say... I picked out "his outfit" and he brought my 60 pound slobbering bulldog to the doggy hotel for me. You could say it was an even trade. We danced and got a little merry... however, the only problem I have been running into is: people aka "guys" thinking that "Jimmy" is actually my date. Dude, he's like my protective big brother that I could never you-know-what-with... and I am more then sure that his lack-of-feeling is mutual! So, there I am after a few chardonnays having to explain myself to friends, family member's and possible prospects that "Jimmy" is just a friend! I begin to have a conversation with my girl about moving forward and finally not stressing about Mystery Island anymore... What is Mystery Island you might ask? Well, Mystery Island Really Exists! See, Its a place where those great first dates and great conversations lead into a kiss, that lead into a real date, that lead into them floating away on a cloud to Mystery Island! What's the address you might ask? Well, I am a girl and girls actually will never receive the actual address! They are all there together... X boyfriends, great first kissers and the date that should have ended after dinner and not three hours later! They don't have phones or email and they certainly don't have Face Book! They love the line... "Can't Wait to See You Again!" or "Call Ya Later Babe!" But they never seem to lock in a time or a destination for the second date! At first, I was beginning to think it was just me but talking with other girlfriends, they have all been left on the runway of the plane headed for Mystery Island... with no E.T.A. home! I'll be honest, in the last two months I have been stranded with no answers from three guys... and since they don't have computers I can legally list there first names: Daniel, Jason and Tim. If any of my boys make it to that Island one day, I would like to pass on a message to them.... Guess what? I really wasn't that interested! One of you had grey hair, one was way to right wing and one was two years away from retirement... ouch! I would have never taken you to my best friends wedding and unless Jimmy or Brutus approves you were never worth that second date! See, it is nice having that wing man.. It is a smart idea to get others opinions. One Lick is good. Two Slobbers is Great!
Yep. It's Wedding season. And with that added stress of finding a date and buying that perfect dress it's finally coming to a close. The dress = Perfect. The Shoes = more then perfect. And my date? Well you can never go wrong with your best guy friend... Jimmy! I guess we did the normal date thing you can say... I picked out "his outfit" and he brought my 60 pound slobbering bulldog to the doggy hotel for me. You could say it was an even trade. We danced and got a little merry... however, the only problem I have been running into is: people aka "guys" thinking that "Jimmy" is actually my date. Dude, he's like my protective big brother that I could never you-know-what-with... and I am more then sure that his lack-of-feeling is mutual! So, there I am after a few chardonnays having to explain myself to friends, family member's and possible prospects that "Jimmy" is just a friend! I begin to have a conversation with my girl about moving forward and finally not stressing about Mystery Island anymore... What is Mystery Island you might ask? Well, Mystery Island Really Exists! See, Its a place where those great first dates and great conversations lead into a kiss, that lead into a real date, that lead into them floating away on a cloud to Mystery Island! What's the address you might ask? Well, I am a girl and girls actually will never receive the actual address! They are all there together... X boyfriends, great first kissers and the date that should have ended after dinner and not three hours later! They don't have phones or email and they certainly don't have Face Book! They love the line... "Can't Wait to See You Again!" or "Call Ya Later Babe!" But they never seem to lock in a time or a destination for the second date! At first, I was beginning to think it was just me but talking with other girlfriends, they have all been left on the runway of the plane headed for Mystery Island... with no E.T.A. home! I'll be honest, in the last two months I have been stranded with no answers from three guys... and since they don't have computers I can legally list there first names: Daniel, Jason and Tim. If any of my boys make it to that Island one day, I would like to pass on a message to them.... Guess what? I really wasn't that interested! One of you had grey hair, one was way to right wing and one was two years away from retirement... ouch! I would have never taken you to my best friends wedding and unless Jimmy or Brutus approves you were never worth that second date! See, it is nice having that wing man.. It is a smart idea to get others opinions. One Lick is good. Two Slobbers is Great!
Monday, April 30, 2012
Mini Brutus
Adventure # 63 The Abrupt Dog-Napping of Mini Brutus
It the weekend. Its hot and I am sipping a mimosa poolside with my ladies! We are gossiping about boys of course, checking and crossing off the lists of possible suitors for my Girlfriend Kate and I. Too short. Too Pertinacious. Too Young. Too Hot. Too Cold. As I am casually getting a Mani-pedi and eyebrow wax... I am unaware of the cruel wrong doings that are happening just steps away. See, I have this little rubber Mini Brutus that posts up on my dashboard of my Jeep. Hes chill and protective and I absolutely love him! Unannounced to me.. He was ripped out of his perch and abruptly stolen out of my vehicle! I enjoy more mimosas and more chit-chat and wobble home to get ready for another Saturday Night Out! A few days go by and I log on to a social networking site... you might have heard of it.. its called Face BOOK. Anyways, I get a friend request from a miniature rubber bulldog claiming to be my Mini Brutus!
SAYYYYYY WHHHHHHHAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT??????!!!!! What is wrong with these people? What is wrong with the World? More Importantly, what the Hell is wrong with my friends??? Mini Brutus has been now missing for over a month and I want him back! I have offered rewards of beer, vodka and pleaded intensely back for his safe recovery! I am putting this out here to all my readers!! FIND MINI BRUTUS!! SAVE HIM FROM MY DRUNK AND IRRESPONSIBLE FRIENDS!!!! I love him and he's all mine!!! I am offering up an all expense paid trip to Legends Pub on a Saturday Afternoon for All You Can Drink Wine, Beer and Pizza in Mini Brutus's Save Return Home! I do want to mention that apparently Mini looks like he doesn't really miss me? He has been spotted at the gym, in a hot tub, at a few local watering holes and in the supermarket? I am beginning to think they are spoiling and brain washing him! I am afraid that he will never make it back on his protective perch, I am afraid for his safe return home to me. Mom.
I have included pictures of places last seen and his Face Book Link for examining.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003711768145
It the weekend. Its hot and I am sipping a mimosa poolside with my ladies! We are gossiping about boys of course, checking and crossing off the lists of possible suitors for my Girlfriend Kate and I. Too short. Too Pertinacious. Too Young. Too Hot. Too Cold. As I am casually getting a Mani-pedi and eyebrow wax... I am unaware of the cruel wrong doings that are happening just steps away. See, I have this little rubber Mini Brutus that posts up on my dashboard of my Jeep. Hes chill and protective and I absolutely love him! Unannounced to me.. He was ripped out of his perch and abruptly stolen out of my vehicle! I enjoy more mimosas and more chit-chat and wobble home to get ready for another Saturday Night Out! A few days go by and I log on to a social networking site... you might have heard of it.. its called Face BOOK. Anyways, I get a friend request from a miniature rubber bulldog claiming to be my Mini Brutus!
SAYYYYYY WHHHHHHHAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT??????!!!!! What is wrong with these people? What is wrong with the World? More Importantly, what the Hell is wrong with my friends??? Mini Brutus has been now missing for over a month and I want him back! I have offered rewards of beer, vodka and pleaded intensely back for his safe recovery! I am putting this out here to all my readers!! FIND MINI BRUTUS!! SAVE HIM FROM MY DRUNK AND IRRESPONSIBLE FRIENDS!!!! I love him and he's all mine!!! I am offering up an all expense paid trip to Legends Pub on a Saturday Afternoon for All You Can Drink Wine, Beer and Pizza in Mini Brutus's Save Return Home! I do want to mention that apparently Mini looks like he doesn't really miss me? He has been spotted at the gym, in a hot tub, at a few local watering holes and in the supermarket? I am beginning to think they are spoiling and brain washing him! I am afraid that he will never make it back on his protective perch, I am afraid for his safe return home to me. Mom.
I have included pictures of places last seen and his Face Book Link for examining.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003711768145
Thursday, April 26, 2012
23 Reasons to Put You on Blast!
Adventure #62 Another One Bites The Dust!
The entire time I have written this blog, I have worked in tiny stories of my own personal life. Yes, this is about my dog but this post since Bru is in recovery from his surgery, will just be about me... Throughout my dating history, I have dated guys from many walks of life. From surfers to business men, from bartenders to fisherman and artists to assholes. Though one thing I have never dated is younger. My age range now being 33, is 30-40. I have never gone much younger. I need a man. I need stability. I need to be treated like a lady! So, when a fresh 23 year-old came heroically to me one night, I threw all my rules out the door. The first few times we went out, I was constantly doing the math in my head. Holy Crap! This guy was only 6 when I lost my virginity! Holy Moly! This guy is a baby! After I got over the thoughts of pampers and school books I got to really know him. And to my surprise he was actually pretty mature, thoughtful and stable. We shared stories and wine on the dock numerous nights and got to know what made each other tick! Though, some of the times that little girl in my head would say...hey you there? This isn't right. Hes too young, he's leaving for grad school soon... what are you doing? I shook her off like a mosquito and didn't listen! I had doubts from friends about his age as well and I didn't listen to them. So here I am again on the dock ready to commit to a short-term relationship with a guy that apparently had a lot to hide. After dinner, a guitar solo and intimate conversation, I shoved my doubts under the mattress and said screw it! Running my personal best on the beach the next morning, sober red flags arose from the previous nights conversation. Number 1. He HATES BULLDOGS???? WTF???? Say what?????? He said he hated the noises that they make and hates all the drool! Number 2. He wont read my blog. We were on the computer sharing different favorite websites and I went to sign on my blog. The Blog that has helped me achieve a better way to vent and a great escape to creative writing! This Guys a joke.. RIGHT? Well, Red Flag Number 3 is his adamant reasoning for wanting to just be exclusive in the bedroom department. Being single for so long, I agreed and was pretty flattered that a rip roaring 6-pack young man wanted that with me? Red flag? you say? It's because when most people are doing something wrong they go the extra step to cover up shit! In less then 6 hours of me leaving his house after an amazing date, I found out his young ass was getting other young ass! I am not ashamed to write any of this. Its my fault, I didn't listened. Its my fault I tried to see the good, yes once again. Its his loss, his fault and his mistake. Kinda Funny he didn't think with all my extra years of dating and disasters ... I FOUND OUT PRETTY EASILY!! Though, since one of us is acting so immature I guess I can stoop down to your dirty, agnostic-self and say...
Coo, coo, ca-choo, Mrs Robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
God bless you please, Mrs. Robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(Hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey)
check out this song below!>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The entire time I have written this blog, I have worked in tiny stories of my own personal life. Yes, this is about my dog but this post since Bru is in recovery from his surgery, will just be about me... Throughout my dating history, I have dated guys from many walks of life. From surfers to business men, from bartenders to fisherman and artists to assholes. Though one thing I have never dated is younger. My age range now being 33, is 30-40. I have never gone much younger. I need a man. I need stability. I need to be treated like a lady! So, when a fresh 23 year-old came heroically to me one night, I threw all my rules out the door. The first few times we went out, I was constantly doing the math in my head. Holy Crap! This guy was only 6 when I lost my virginity! Holy Moly! This guy is a baby! After I got over the thoughts of pampers and school books I got to really know him. And to my surprise he was actually pretty mature, thoughtful and stable. We shared stories and wine on the dock numerous nights and got to know what made each other tick! Though, some of the times that little girl in my head would say...hey you there? This isn't right. Hes too young, he's leaving for grad school soon... what are you doing? I shook her off like a mosquito and didn't listen! I had doubts from friends about his age as well and I didn't listen to them. So here I am again on the dock ready to commit to a short-term relationship with a guy that apparently had a lot to hide. After dinner, a guitar solo and intimate conversation, I shoved my doubts under the mattress and said screw it! Running my personal best on the beach the next morning, sober red flags arose from the previous nights conversation. Number 1. He HATES BULLDOGS???? WTF???? Say what?????? He said he hated the noises that they make and hates all the drool! Number 2. He wont read my blog. We were on the computer sharing different favorite websites and I went to sign on my blog. The Blog that has helped me achieve a better way to vent and a great escape to creative writing! This Guys a joke.. RIGHT? Well, Red Flag Number 3 is his adamant reasoning for wanting to just be exclusive in the bedroom department. Being single for so long, I agreed and was pretty flattered that a rip roaring 6-pack young man wanted that with me? Red flag? you say? It's because when most people are doing something wrong they go the extra step to cover up shit! In less then 6 hours of me leaving his house after an amazing date, I found out his young ass was getting other young ass! I am not ashamed to write any of this. Its my fault, I didn't listened. Its my fault I tried to see the good, yes once again. Its his loss, his fault and his mistake. Kinda Funny he didn't think with all my extra years of dating and disasters ... I FOUND OUT PRETTY EASILY!! Though, since one of us is acting so immature I guess I can stoop down to your dirty, agnostic-self and say...
Coo, coo, ca-choo, Mrs Robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
God bless you please, Mrs. Robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(Hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey)
check out this song below!>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Monday, April 16, 2012
Population 1
Adventure #61 Hater Ville
Well... I saw some pictures posted from my friend "K-B" this past weekend and besides being awesome... I realized just how crazy the last um about 40 days have been. Pardon the expression.. "I have been only been home to Shit, Shower and Shave!" Ha ha But still gross. I am finally out there and with this I apparently have left some of my nice manners at home. There are some things that I have said... that some people almost can't stomach. Why Can't they you might ask? Cause Some of it has been jarring and yet some of it has been the truth. Within my blog, I have never mentioned my name, my age, my city, my friends/x's specifics and I have never posted one picture of myself. I however, have said many personal things including my hope to find and place everything in order one day and maybe get it right? I have also completely told the truth, I have sacrificed different opinions from my friends and found a little more about me in the long run. I don't take anything back. I don't want to candy code much anymore. Yes! This is about Brutus. maybe the little guy is embarrassed about Mom talking about his balls so much. Maybe Mom should get a Life.. and I guess that's just what I did! I just wanna put it right here that I don't wanna hold back anymore. With Brutus's manhood finally getting cut-off... I am also going to cut-off the bullshit and take it up a notch! YES! I will get more clever in disguising my close ones but I will warn you that this is my life, this is my blog and I enjoy writing it! I hope you enjoy reading it as well! I will say sorry for one cute guy that I decided to let everyone know what was up... but I will warn you it would have been better if I actually told the whole truth! Good on you part and bad on mine! HEE HEE! Lots of Love! Here's To You All! Just Don't F*%& Me OVER! xxOo
Well... I saw some pictures posted from my friend "K-B" this past weekend and besides being awesome... I realized just how crazy the last um about 40 days have been. Pardon the expression.. "I have been only been home to Shit, Shower and Shave!" Ha ha But still gross. I am finally out there and with this I apparently have left some of my nice manners at home. There are some things that I have said... that some people almost can't stomach. Why Can't they you might ask? Cause Some of it has been jarring and yet some of it has been the truth. Within my blog, I have never mentioned my name, my age, my city, my friends/x's specifics and I have never posted one picture of myself. I however, have said many personal things including my hope to find and place everything in order one day and maybe get it right? I have also completely told the truth, I have sacrificed different opinions from my friends and found a little more about me in the long run. I don't take anything back. I don't want to candy code much anymore. Yes! This is about Brutus. maybe the little guy is embarrassed about Mom talking about his balls so much. Maybe Mom should get a Life.. and I guess that's just what I did! I just wanna put it right here that I don't wanna hold back anymore. With Brutus's manhood finally getting cut-off... I am also going to cut-off the bullshit and take it up a notch! YES! I will get more clever in disguising my close ones but I will warn you that this is my life, this is my blog and I enjoy writing it! I hope you enjoy reading it as well! I will say sorry for one cute guy that I decided to let everyone know what was up... but I will warn you it would have been better if I actually told the whole truth! Good on you part and bad on mine! HEE HEE! Lots of Love! Here's To You All! Just Don't F*%& Me OVER! xxOo
Monday, April 9, 2012
Third Date Policy.
Adventure #60 Save The Date
Third date policy. Its a saying that has been used in the social world since at least the 1950's. How many dates does it take to seal the deal? What constitutes a date? Does he have to buy dinner? Does he have to bring flowers? Do I have to kiss on the first date? And the most important question... HOW MANY DATES UNTIL WE DO U KNOW WHAT? In Brutus Beef Cakes situation.. time is running out. April 18th 2012. This date will live in infamy. The date Brutus Beef Cake will loose his nuts. These balls have caused me, my household, my friends and my shins complete torture. So, with the date finally being set, I ask my readers a question. Do I get him laid or not not? He is two and half and still a virgin. All my boys out there are most likely saying YES!! Why not? But I would like to take a vote. I would like everyone to look to right and quickly check your answers. He only has one great weekend to spend with someone if we decide in a positive favor! Please take the two seconds to vote before Brutus lives on as a virgin forever! I will decide based on the the tally of votes. I think, if my readers do decide to get him laid, this blog could only get better! HEE HEE. I have enclosed a song that for some reason I am really liking lately. I wouldn't think this is my style at all but the more I listen to it... It really turns me on! HEE HEE. Maybe for Brutus and his girlfriend it will help as well. However, I am thinking he won't need any help in sealing the deal.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8s8YK4R5qa0
Third date policy. Its a saying that has been used in the social world since at least the 1950's. How many dates does it take to seal the deal? What constitutes a date? Does he have to buy dinner? Does he have to bring flowers? Do I have to kiss on the first date? And the most important question... HOW MANY DATES UNTIL WE DO U KNOW WHAT? In Brutus Beef Cakes situation.. time is running out. April 18th 2012. This date will live in infamy. The date Brutus Beef Cake will loose his nuts. These balls have caused me, my household, my friends and my shins complete torture. So, with the date finally being set, I ask my readers a question. Do I get him laid or not not? He is two and half and still a virgin. All my boys out there are most likely saying YES!! Why not? But I would like to take a vote. I would like everyone to look to right and quickly check your answers. He only has one great weekend to spend with someone if we decide in a positive favor! Please take the two seconds to vote before Brutus lives on as a virgin forever! I will decide based on the the tally of votes. I think, if my readers do decide to get him laid, this blog could only get better! HEE HEE. I have enclosed a song that for some reason I am really liking lately. I wouldn't think this is my style at all but the more I listen to it... It really turns me on! HEE HEE. Maybe for Brutus and his girlfriend it will help as well. However, I am thinking he won't need any help in sealing the deal.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8s8YK4R5qa0
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Mr. Tequila
Adventure #59 My Live-In Cock Blocker
As you all well know....I have been single for over two years. Within that amount of time, I have dated a handful of losers, prepubescents, trouble makers and snobs. All, that has all been in the last month! So, when one fun one fell in my lap, I didn't resist and sealed the deal with a kiss at my house. If only there wasn't a slobbering, growling gate keeper at my front door; ready to pounce on anyone that didn't resemble Uncle James and Auntie Jill. We will call him "Mr. Tequila." See, I call him that because we met at a Tequila Bar and instead of hanging with Uncle James all night, I decided to tag "Mr. Tequila" for the rest of the evening, with the help of my new favorite Tequila... Revolucion. P.S I have enclosed the link to this new 100 proof Tequila and even though the website is awesome...It doesn't talk about the wonders it does for female balls and how it instantly propels women to new confident heights! So given my blank track record, I decided to switch things up and let "Mr. Tequila" walk me home. Back to Start. Literally. I describe Brutus as a mouthwatering, crazy train and decided that I should just start handing out my blog posts prior to future dates. There really is no warning in the official first meeting of the Bru. And there are not enough adjectives in the dictionary. This guy was screwed from the very beginning. This guy had no chance of Pass Go. This guy was doomed from the start. Something that I never mentioned throughout my posts is the fact that in the back of my mind when purchasing this over-the-top expensive beast, I thought that if me and Mr. X would have not worked out... This dog would be awesome to pick up dudes with! Apparently, that statement was completely FALSE! Here's the scenario... Me and "Mr. Tequila" stubble home and barely opened the door when the gate keeper approached. My Dates Eyes the size of saucers jolted backwards and down the front patio steps. Brutus furiously lunged for "Mr. Tequila" as I with all my strength grabbed his collar and yanked him back inside. I thought I had him all the way in when Brutus rammed through the inside door, out the front door and jumped, gripped and torn onto my new suitors left bare leg. It was a scene out of a bad porno movie as sheer terror ripped over "Mr. Tequila's face!!!!!!! If Bru could speak.. he would have said.."Who's my Bitch Now? I gripped him again, scooted him back inside and apologized for my terror filled meatball. Within seconds, he planted one on me.. the new guy, not Brutus and instead of that Danielle Steel Feeling of fireworks... the sound of growling, whining and hate came from behind the glass inside door. Brutus was on watch, pissed-off and steaming up the window with PURE HATE! Bottom line, I am out there. Bottom Line, some of it is a nightmere. Bottom line, I decided that the 100 Percent 28 year old "Mr. Tequila," wasn't aged to Perfection enough for me to go back for another taste!
http://www.tequilarevolucion.com/en/
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cockblock
As you all well know....I have been single for over two years. Within that amount of time, I have dated a handful of losers, prepubescents, trouble makers and snobs. All, that has all been in the last month! So, when one fun one fell in my lap, I didn't resist and sealed the deal with a kiss at my house. If only there wasn't a slobbering, growling gate keeper at my front door; ready to pounce on anyone that didn't resemble Uncle James and Auntie Jill. We will call him "Mr. Tequila." See, I call him that because we met at a Tequila Bar and instead of hanging with Uncle James all night, I decided to tag "Mr. Tequila" for the rest of the evening, with the help of my new favorite Tequila... Revolucion. P.S I have enclosed the link to this new 100 proof Tequila and even though the website is awesome...It doesn't talk about the wonders it does for female balls and how it instantly propels women to new confident heights! So given my blank track record, I decided to switch things up and let "Mr. Tequila" walk me home. Back to Start. Literally. I describe Brutus as a mouthwatering, crazy train and decided that I should just start handing out my blog posts prior to future dates. There really is no warning in the official first meeting of the Bru. And there are not enough adjectives in the dictionary. This guy was screwed from the very beginning. This guy had no chance of Pass Go. This guy was doomed from the start. Something that I never mentioned throughout my posts is the fact that in the back of my mind when purchasing this over-the-top expensive beast, I thought that if me and Mr. X would have not worked out... This dog would be awesome to pick up dudes with! Apparently, that statement was completely FALSE! Here's the scenario... Me and "Mr. Tequila" stubble home and barely opened the door when the gate keeper approached. My Dates Eyes the size of saucers jolted backwards and down the front patio steps. Brutus furiously lunged for "Mr. Tequila" as I with all my strength grabbed his collar and yanked him back inside. I thought I had him all the way in when Brutus rammed through the inside door, out the front door and jumped, gripped and torn onto my new suitors left bare leg. It was a scene out of a bad porno movie as sheer terror ripped over "Mr. Tequila's face!!!!!!! If Bru could speak.. he would have said.."Who's my Bitch Now? I gripped him again, scooted him back inside and apologized for my terror filled meatball. Within seconds, he planted one on me.. the new guy, not Brutus and instead of that Danielle Steel Feeling of fireworks... the sound of growling, whining and hate came from behind the glass inside door. Brutus was on watch, pissed-off and steaming up the window with PURE HATE! Bottom line, I am out there. Bottom Line, some of it is a nightmere. Bottom line, I decided that the 100 Percent 28 year old "Mr. Tequila," wasn't aged to Perfection enough for me to go back for another taste!
http://www.tequilarevolucion.com/en/
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cockblock
Monday, March 19, 2012
Pee Drops Keep Falling On My Bed!
Adventure #58 Marking My Territory
My bed has been absent for awhile in so many ways and I feel like I haven't slept well in two years. I have made a habit of falling asleep on my couch and between Real Housewives and random Internet searches, my sleep patterns have been horrible. There is some loyalty to all this though. My boyfriend Brutus is always right by my side ether wedged between me and the couch pillow or on the rug next to me. However lately, someone has been mad at me! If you have read the last post, you have discovered that Stella has gotten her groove back. With this "Stella" has also been absent! The constant at home all the time Mommy is no more! Here are just a few things I have been doing instead: Fishing, Kayaking, Paddle Boarding, Cooking, Running, Spinning, Laughing, Dating, Beaching, Bar-Hopping, Dancing and my personal favorite.. FLIRTING! All this doesn't take place on the couch or with Brutus.. and guess with all this someone isn't happy! Last night, I invited some good friends to watch sunset at a Tiki Bar and along with cocktails and a ton of laughter, I quickly lost track of time. I also extended this all into to dinner and an intimate Tee-Pee party at one of my girlfriend's houses. Yes. Yes. A real Tee-Pee. Well, falling into bed around 2 A.M. I discovered that I also had my own Pee... IN MY BED!!!!!!! The smell took over my face and I would describe it as a pungent, musky, manly scent. I would also describe it as I spent $200.00 on these Calvin Klein Sheet and Bed Set and $1700 on this bulldog...totalling a whopping $1900 for me to sleep back out on the couch for another night?????? This is unreal... This is F$#@$% UP!!!!!!!!!!! I realized it was a combination of things and a way that my English Bulldog with No Middle Finger... Just pretty much said F.U. Mom and spent the rest of his night in his crate! I spent the night again with re-runs of bitches that are bitching that there 7 carrot ring wasn't big enough and fell asleep counting pee-drops. """1,2,3,4, Pee Drops Keep Fallin on My Head...Doesn't Mean That I Wont Have Anyone Else in My Bed????"" Well.... it kinda does...So I Guess I Just Sleep at His House Instead!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OT1HCQcSHW0
My bed has been absent for awhile in so many ways and I feel like I haven't slept well in two years. I have made a habit of falling asleep on my couch and between Real Housewives and random Internet searches, my sleep patterns have been horrible. There is some loyalty to all this though. My boyfriend Brutus is always right by my side ether wedged between me and the couch pillow or on the rug next to me. However lately, someone has been mad at me! If you have read the last post, you have discovered that Stella has gotten her groove back. With this "Stella" has also been absent! The constant at home all the time Mommy is no more! Here are just a few things I have been doing instead: Fishing, Kayaking, Paddle Boarding, Cooking, Running, Spinning, Laughing, Dating, Beaching, Bar-Hopping, Dancing and my personal favorite.. FLIRTING! All this doesn't take place on the couch or with Brutus.. and guess with all this someone isn't happy! Last night, I invited some good friends to watch sunset at a Tiki Bar and along with cocktails and a ton of laughter, I quickly lost track of time. I also extended this all into to dinner and an intimate Tee-Pee party at one of my girlfriend's houses. Yes. Yes. A real Tee-Pee. Well, falling into bed around 2 A.M. I discovered that I also had my own Pee... IN MY BED!!!!!!! The smell took over my face and I would describe it as a pungent, musky, manly scent. I would also describe it as I spent $200.00 on these Calvin Klein Sheet and Bed Set and $1700 on this bulldog...totalling a whopping $1900 for me to sleep back out on the couch for another night?????? This is unreal... This is F$#@$% UP!!!!!!!!!!! I realized it was a combination of things and a way that my English Bulldog with No Middle Finger... Just pretty much said F.U. Mom and spent the rest of his night in his crate! I spent the night again with re-runs of bitches that are bitching that there 7 carrot ring wasn't big enough and fell asleep counting pee-drops. """1,2,3,4, Pee Drops Keep Fallin on My Head...Doesn't Mean That I Wont Have Anyone Else in My Bed????"" Well.... it kinda does...So I Guess I Just Sleep at His House Instead!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OT1HCQcSHW0
Monday, March 12, 2012
STELLA GOT HER GROOVE BACK!
Adventure # 57 Changes be Coming!
The true definition of hibernation according to Urban Dictionary is The time period between the three, big, love holidays, Christmas, New Years Eve, and Valentines day. This is a time when men become relationship free, to avoid, gifts, dinners, and long term relationship commitments. Well, my holidays have seemed to blend into two whole years of the couch, takeout, wine and questions. Since December, I have lost 21 pounds and to put it simply.. Got My Groove Back! Yeah, Yeah I know that sounds like a movie from 10 years ago.. but I can honestly say I can feel it! I had a conversation with a long time friend a few weeks ago about change. OK OK not the Obama kind of change.. the subtle changes you make in daily life that can effect your overall attitude. I have stopped asking and waiting for someone to help me change and started just doing it myself. Well, how does this all pertain to Brutus you ask? Well, in Brutus's perspective... He is not into all this change! Of course he loves the extended park and play times but the other morning we had a serious roadblock during our early morning walk. It's something about a 7 A.M. walk, the nice spring Florida breeze and I was Jackhammering down Osprey Ave. after my triple latte... WE WERE OFF! Apparently, I did not inform Brutus that after a exceptional evening out with someone new... I was ready to take on the world! We go past our usual route, sticking to the crisscross cute back roads, we end up a little too far from home. I am on my 4th or 5th song of Adele and realize someone is over it! Instead of trying to turn this boat around.... my 65 pound English Bulldog ends up plopping right on the pavement and will not budge. I promise him with homemade cookies and water and after about 2 steps of the promised reward... he plops down again! Mommy might have her groove back but Brutus would rather be sitting on the couch watching Animal Planet. At this point, I am at least 6 blocks from my house. I grab his collar and guide him about 7 more steps, with much hesitation he smacks down again and makes a sound kind of like a ginormous raw egg hitting a buttery frying pan! This tired little guy is not going anywhere. Lifting weights and sweating out my frustrations lately gave me the complete confidence to pick this guy up and carry him all the way home. Yep, and that is just what I did. I have heard of this happening to owners of bulldogs before but always thinking shit wont even happen to me, I inside said to myself.. "You have got to be FING kidding me?" I started out holding just his front half and let his white chocolate, drum stick legs just dangling towards the ground. When the awkwardness grew more intense... I switched it up. Track 3 please! Rumor Has It by Adele. This song could not be more perfect! I put my right arm under his armpits and my left arm under his belly just shy of his overstuffed ball sack! Weight is evened out. Song is rocking, cars driving by most likely laughing their asses off! I carried my freaking bully all the way back to our house. Rumor Has It... Stella's Got Her Groove Back!
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bachelor%20hibernation
The true definition of hibernation according to Urban Dictionary is The time period between the three, big, love holidays, Christmas, New Years Eve, and Valentines day. This is a time when men become relationship free, to avoid, gifts, dinners, and long term relationship commitments. Well, my holidays have seemed to blend into two whole years of the couch, takeout, wine and questions. Since December, I have lost 21 pounds and to put it simply.. Got My Groove Back! Yeah, Yeah I know that sounds like a movie from 10 years ago.. but I can honestly say I can feel it! I had a conversation with a long time friend a few weeks ago about change. OK OK not the Obama kind of change.. the subtle changes you make in daily life that can effect your overall attitude. I have stopped asking and waiting for someone to help me change and started just doing it myself. Well, how does this all pertain to Brutus you ask? Well, in Brutus's perspective... He is not into all this change! Of course he loves the extended park and play times but the other morning we had a serious roadblock during our early morning walk. It's something about a 7 A.M. walk, the nice spring Florida breeze and I was Jackhammering down Osprey Ave. after my triple latte... WE WERE OFF! Apparently, I did not inform Brutus that after a exceptional evening out with someone new... I was ready to take on the world! We go past our usual route, sticking to the crisscross cute back roads, we end up a little too far from home. I am on my 4th or 5th song of Adele and realize someone is over it! Instead of trying to turn this boat around.... my 65 pound English Bulldog ends up plopping right on the pavement and will not budge. I promise him with homemade cookies and water and after about 2 steps of the promised reward... he plops down again! Mommy might have her groove back but Brutus would rather be sitting on the couch watching Animal Planet. At this point, I am at least 6 blocks from my house. I grab his collar and guide him about 7 more steps, with much hesitation he smacks down again and makes a sound kind of like a ginormous raw egg hitting a buttery frying pan! This tired little guy is not going anywhere. Lifting weights and sweating out my frustrations lately gave me the complete confidence to pick this guy up and carry him all the way home. Yep, and that is just what I did. I have heard of this happening to owners of bulldogs before but always thinking shit wont even happen to me, I inside said to myself.. "You have got to be FING kidding me?" I started out holding just his front half and let his white chocolate, drum stick legs just dangling towards the ground. When the awkwardness grew more intense... I switched it up. Track 3 please! Rumor Has It by Adele. This song could not be more perfect! I put my right arm under his armpits and my left arm under his belly just shy of his overstuffed ball sack! Weight is evened out. Song is rocking, cars driving by most likely laughing their asses off! I carried my freaking bully all the way back to our house. Rumor Has It... Stella's Got Her Groove Back!
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bachelor%20hibernation
Friday, February 24, 2012
...Best Smile Goes Too?
Adventure #56 Tampa Bay Bulldog Parade
I don't have kids. At the rate I'm going... I won't for awhile. So, when the opportunity came up to enter my pride and joy into the Tampa Bay Bulldog Parade, I obviously did not hesitate. It was a nice February Saturday in Florida and after days of preparation, we were ready! I say days of preparation because after three costume mishaps including ARRRR The Pirate, a Moo Cow From Chick-Fil-A and a Patriotic Army Solider we finally got it right! Well, so I thought. So, for all those "real"parents I am sure you have been there before. You buy the cutest outfit. The socks, the adorable backwards hat and they won't keep it on? Yep, that was Brutus. He actually ate through the cardboard army tank box that I spent 5 hours on constructing on my only day off! He also ripped through his made for a kid in a coma plastic vest. After 3 hours during happy hour just the night before my regulars.. Auntie Kate, Auntie Carla, Auntie Ann and Auntie Kathy constructed a Moo Cow costume of the famous Cows from Chick-Fil-A! It had cow ears, cow bells, and the cute famous sign for his back reading: Eat More Cats! It was original and adorable! Though, at 8 A.M. the following morning, it quickly turned to a slobber-filled and pee stained mess. Remember people we are talking a Bulldog and not a toy cup poodle!
We arrived at the event with the above just in case costume changes and a backpack full of poop bags, slobber towels and cookies! After registering we ran into the best helper of all. Auntie Jill! She came in handy to hold the camera, the poop bags and at some points the BEAST! For about twenty minutes we scouted out our competition and sized up the other big ballas out there. I am not gonna lie... I was shaking! To give Brutus and I all the extra confidence.. my team of supporters showed up in hundreds! (Uncle Mark, Uncle Bill, Auntie Carla, Auntie Anne, Aunt Kathy, Auntie Jill, Auntie Shanna and Auntie Kate) came out screaming and cheering for yours truly.. BRUTUS BEEFCAKE!!! Just seconds before we entered the arena It hit me... "What the Hell am I doing out Here? Is this for real?" We made our way around the terror of a circle and ended up directly in front of the main judge! Best of Show was announced, then best dressed, then best couple? With the cheer and whistling from my side of the crowd, very soon the last award was announced....TA DA....and BEST SMILE GOES OUT TOO>>>>> BRUTUS BEEF CAKE OF SARASOTA!! THE CROWD GOES CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S TEN AM... IT WAS TIME TO PARTY!!!!!!!!! We all head down to O' Leary's to celebrate and bask in the spotlight which for one year will be held by Brutus Beef Cake as Best Smile!
I have enclosed a video of the tank that I tried to construct on my own that week. Yep... Wishful thinking Mommy! See Video Below!
I don't have kids. At the rate I'm going... I won't for awhile. So, when the opportunity came up to enter my pride and joy into the Tampa Bay Bulldog Parade, I obviously did not hesitate. It was a nice February Saturday in Florida and after days of preparation, we were ready! I say days of preparation because after three costume mishaps including ARRRR The Pirate, a Moo Cow From Chick-Fil-A and a Patriotic Army Solider we finally got it right! Well, so I thought. So, for all those "real"parents I am sure you have been there before. You buy the cutest outfit. The socks, the adorable backwards hat and they won't keep it on? Yep, that was Brutus. He actually ate through the cardboard army tank box that I spent 5 hours on constructing on my only day off! He also ripped through his made for a kid in a coma plastic vest. After 3 hours during happy hour just the night before my regulars.. Auntie Kate, Auntie Carla, Auntie Ann and Auntie Kathy constructed a Moo Cow costume of the famous Cows from Chick-Fil-A! It had cow ears, cow bells, and the cute famous sign for his back reading: Eat More Cats! It was original and adorable! Though, at 8 A.M. the following morning, it quickly turned to a slobber-filled and pee stained mess. Remember people we are talking a Bulldog and not a toy cup poodle!
We arrived at the event with the above just in case costume changes and a backpack full of poop bags, slobber towels and cookies! After registering we ran into the best helper of all. Auntie Jill! She came in handy to hold the camera, the poop bags and at some points the BEAST! For about twenty minutes we scouted out our competition and sized up the other big ballas out there. I am not gonna lie... I was shaking! To give Brutus and I all the extra confidence.. my team of supporters showed up in hundreds! (Uncle Mark, Uncle Bill, Auntie Carla, Auntie Anne, Aunt Kathy, Auntie Jill, Auntie Shanna and Auntie Kate) came out screaming and cheering for yours truly.. BRUTUS BEEFCAKE!!! Just seconds before we entered the arena It hit me... "What the Hell am I doing out Here? Is this for real?" We made our way around the terror of a circle and ended up directly in front of the main judge! Best of Show was announced, then best dressed, then best couple? With the cheer and whistling from my side of the crowd, very soon the last award was announced....TA DA....and BEST SMILE GOES OUT TOO>>>>> BRUTUS BEEF CAKE OF SARASOTA!! THE CROWD GOES CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S TEN AM... IT WAS TIME TO PARTY!!!!!!!!! We all head down to O' Leary's to celebrate and bask in the spotlight which for one year will be held by Brutus Beef Cake as Best Smile!
I have enclosed a video of the tank that I tried to construct on my own that week. Yep... Wishful thinking Mommy! See Video Below!
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Just The Two Of Us!
Adventure #55 Single Motherhood
So, I don't really have an excuse this time besides...I haven't been in the mood to be on here. How can I expect you guys to read this stuff, if I'm not writing it right? The weeks lately have been filled with boot camp, more rats, best friend's wedding plans and of course work. The past few weeks have not included.. Daddy? About a month ago, I woke up and realised how unhealthy and non-productive it was having "Daddy Day Care," around at a drop of a hat. Although, he was a great guy and a great Daddy, it was time to let it all go. Brutus now has a Uncle Rob and an Auntie Jill. Sometimes an Uncle Keven comes by to take him out and "score chicks" with him but other then that, It's Just Us! Some of you are probably like what is wrong this girl? It's just a dog. Besides the fact that I never wanted a dog being single or until I was responsible, I work very long hours.. or did. I cannot stand the idea of little monster man at home all by himself for over 8 hours. He's my little sugar butt. We have had some adjustments around here. I am having to wake up even earlier to walk/run him to make up for "Daddy" time loss. Funny enough, almost like a divorce Brutus is benefiting. "Mommy" has now made trips to Pet Co. a weekly event. Call them pity gifts or call them who else am I gonna spend this stuff on? However, I am fine with it and so is Brutus. Being the only know real dominant one in the house, the humping, roughness and craziness has somewhat subsided. I never really got a handle on it and with now being the only one he has to listen too, he has no choice. In my search to get it right this time and cope with this crap... I found a funny website. It is called "Dating Site For Single Pet Parents and Those That Love Them!" Apparently there are other broken pet homes out there! I have listed the site at the end of my post to help others! The only thing is I also googled "Dating for weirdos and whack jobs," and a whole bunch of more information came in handy. Odd.
I do wonder if he Brutus misses the whole idea of all of us together? Is he now a product of a broken home? Will I somehow turn him gay with these excessive outfits and collar choices? Will there ever be another Daddy to take the old ones place? My friends and family seem to think so... Brutus and I however are still outside on the fence!
Dating Site for Single Pet Parents & Animal Lovers
So, I don't really have an excuse this time besides...I haven't been in the mood to be on here. How can I expect you guys to read this stuff, if I'm not writing it right? The weeks lately have been filled with boot camp, more rats, best friend's wedding plans and of course work. The past few weeks have not included.. Daddy? About a month ago, I woke up and realised how unhealthy and non-productive it was having "Daddy Day Care," around at a drop of a hat. Although, he was a great guy and a great Daddy, it was time to let it all go. Brutus now has a Uncle Rob and an Auntie Jill. Sometimes an Uncle Keven comes by to take him out and "score chicks" with him but other then that, It's Just Us! Some of you are probably like what is wrong this girl? It's just a dog. Besides the fact that I never wanted a dog being single or until I was responsible, I work very long hours.. or did. I cannot stand the idea of little monster man at home all by himself for over 8 hours. He's my little sugar butt. We have had some adjustments around here. I am having to wake up even earlier to walk/run him to make up for "Daddy" time loss. Funny enough, almost like a divorce Brutus is benefiting. "Mommy" has now made trips to Pet Co. a weekly event. Call them pity gifts or call them who else am I gonna spend this stuff on? However, I am fine with it and so is Brutus. Being the only know real dominant one in the house, the humping, roughness and craziness has somewhat subsided. I never really got a handle on it and with now being the only one he has to listen too, he has no choice. In my search to get it right this time and cope with this crap... I found a funny website. It is called "Dating Site For Single Pet Parents and Those That Love Them!" Apparently there are other broken pet homes out there! I have listed the site at the end of my post to help others! The only thing is I also googled "Dating for weirdos and whack jobs," and a whole bunch of more information came in handy. Odd.
I do wonder if he Brutus misses the whole idea of all of us together? Is he now a product of a broken home? Will I somehow turn him gay with these excessive outfits and collar choices? Will there ever be another Daddy to take the old ones place? My friends and family seem to think so... Brutus and I however are still outside on the fence!
Dating Site for Single Pet Parents & Animal Lovers
Monday, January 16, 2012
The Rat Strikes Again!
Adventure #54 Naughty, Naughty Mommy...
The Holidays, tons of work, vacation and the 1500 Brutus Bite Cookees I made for the holidays equals NO BLOG! I had a bunch of extra stuff going on and with that I have been absent from my writing endeavours. Since we last "talked" I traveled to Minnesota to see my tiny family. I have also been invited to be a bridesmaid in a girlfriend's wedding! Brutus has also been to a new vet! His name is Dr. Koch and he is amazing! He specializes in Bulldog Breeds and owns 11
Enough of the Catch-Up! On to the Rat!
I had a rare last Saturday off and I had decided to be a good girl and go home early from a "mid-town might get crazy night!" I zoomed home to my little meat head sitting in the window, strolled down the block with a nightcap in tote and savored up the rest of my day off! I nestled with cuddle bug and finished watching "A Nightmare on Elm Street," and drifted off into semi wine coma and toasty tranquility! I failed to mention that it has been colder in Florida and I actually had to turn the heat on! At a nice 70 degrees and climbing, I welcomed another four legged friend into my home. Perhaps he had friends with him but I will pray he was single and lonely.. and perhaps wanted a late-night snack?? Yep That's It!! Anyhow... My mighty dog woke me up as usual to a Firework sound coming from down the hall! I thought, it might had been the neighbors again shooting of left over fireworks from New Years Eve! However, sneaking down the hallway next to my guard dog, I realised the sound was a lot more local! Apparently, I had a Nightmare on Prospect Street! Bang, Bang...BooM BooM! Holy Crap..This thing is actually in my Oven!!!!!!!! See, I had just taken my burners off and was replacing the drip pans under them. I am assuming that this little bugger worked his way down and and now was stuck somewhere between the broiler and somewhere a little too close to home! My Brutus set up shop directly in front of the oven, he had set up his post and with every snarl and rustle this dog was not moving! I have no idea how big this thing really is. I also really wanna make sure he doesn't make off with my Chardonnay, that I am going to pound to fall asleep tonight! I begin to make the two A.M. phone calls. Most of my friends are still out or unreliable. I find two traps in my storage closet and actually begin to google: How to Set a Rat Trap! I found the funniest video in my exploration of the Internet during pure torture! I have linked it below for all your enjoyment! In conclusion, I am definitely a total girl! We hunkered down two umbrellas fully opened in front of my bedroom doors. Seals on the oven top! Door wedge shut with very nice vintage chair, 3 blankets wedged tightly under door and wine, water for dog and 4 blankets on bed, we slip back into a coma and wonder why the Hell I attract so many scary looking creatures?
The Holidays, tons of work, vacation and the 1500 Brutus Bite Cookees I made for the holidays equals NO BLOG! I had a bunch of extra stuff going on and with that I have been absent from my writing endeavours. Since we last "talked" I traveled to Minnesota to see my tiny family. I have also been invited to be a bridesmaid in a girlfriend's wedding! Brutus has also been to a new vet! His name is Dr. Koch and he is amazing! He specializes in Bulldog Breeds and owns 11
Brachycephalic Dogs
including 4 English Bullies! According to Dr. Koch... Brutus is at a "Perfect Adult A.K.C. English Standard weight!" Thanks to Mommy's walks and the daily measurement of his food...we are at a perfect weight! Apparently the "American Standard" is ten pounds over his weight! Big shock! Americans are fatter and thicker then our neighbors across the pond! Which brings me to my second point! I too am on a complete weight loss and get fit plan! Like I said earlier I am in a wedding in May and frankly, being a single bridesmaid... I think it's time to look fabulous! With that, I have joined boot camp and also have been even more active with Brutus. The walks have gotten longer and our time spend together more enjoyable!Enough of the Catch-Up! On to the Rat!
I had a rare last Saturday off and I had decided to be a good girl and go home early from a "mid-town might get crazy night!" I zoomed home to my little meat head sitting in the window, strolled down the block with a nightcap in tote and savored up the rest of my day off! I nestled with cuddle bug and finished watching "A Nightmare on Elm Street," and drifted off into semi wine coma and toasty tranquility! I failed to mention that it has been colder in Florida and I actually had to turn the heat on! At a nice 70 degrees and climbing, I welcomed another four legged friend into my home. Perhaps he had friends with him but I will pray he was single and lonely.. and perhaps wanted a late-night snack?? Yep That's It!! Anyhow... My mighty dog woke me up as usual to a Firework sound coming from down the hall! I thought, it might had been the neighbors again shooting of left over fireworks from New Years Eve! However, sneaking down the hallway next to my guard dog, I realised the sound was a lot more local! Apparently, I had a Nightmare on Prospect Street! Bang, Bang...BooM BooM! Holy Crap..This thing is actually in my Oven!!!!!!!! See, I had just taken my burners off and was replacing the drip pans under them. I am assuming that this little bugger worked his way down and and now was stuck somewhere between the broiler and somewhere a little too close to home! My Brutus set up shop directly in front of the oven, he had set up his post and with every snarl and rustle this dog was not moving! I have no idea how big this thing really is. I also really wanna make sure he doesn't make off with my Chardonnay, that I am going to pound to fall asleep tonight! I begin to make the two A.M. phone calls. Most of my friends are still out or unreliable. I find two traps in my storage closet and actually begin to google: How to Set a Rat Trap! I found the funniest video in my exploration of the Internet during pure torture! I have linked it below for all your enjoyment! In conclusion, I am definitely a total girl! We hunkered down two umbrellas fully opened in front of my bedroom doors. Seals on the oven top! Door wedge shut with very nice vintage chair, 3 blankets wedged tightly under door and wine, water for dog and 4 blankets on bed, we slip back into a coma and wonder why the Hell I attract so many scary looking creatures?
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